Sorry if this is not the right section and I ramble.

She had asked me to move out and give her time and space to heal herself. We had planned to do this some time ago but I didn't have the understanding of our problems that I do now. Things happened that prevented me from leaving right away ... among them, my cousin was shot in the head Thanksgiving morning was buried on her 21st birthday. Now Christmas is coming up and we have 4 kids to keep happy.

I haven't met her needs in a long time now and after finding this incredible site I realize how that has caused her to (I feel) stop loving me. I also realize that is why she got involved in an online EA. When I found out the OM was actually flying in from Italy to stay in our house during our separation I lost it. We argued, I spied on her, and we both damaged our ability to trust each other. She said she knew she was being spied on and baited me as revenge. She claimed there was nothing going on and no way she would allow anything physical to happen. A nasty divorce was threatened by me and she told the OM to cancel the trip. It was then we learned he thought, due to a miscommunication, that we were already seperated.

It was while looking for links on trust and forgiveness I found this site. I talked to the OM, he is a member of a gaming forum we administer, and he apologized for the misunderstanding. It helped me to see the situation clearly and restored my trust in her.

The trouble is now I want to shower her with my rediscovered love. She has shut me out though and everything I do seems to drive her further away.

Should I just accept it, move out, and hope for the best?

I would advise you to repost in the General Questions II forum located in Infidelity heading both because your W had an EA and also because it is one of the most heavily-trafficked areas. I anticipate you will be asked for some more basic information such as how long you have been married, when the EA began, etc.

I also anticipate that the advice you will be given is to not separate. Most WWs want to separate and often ask their BH to move out to 'give me space.' What this usually means is that they actually want to be able to continue their A in peace. This is also why they get upset when they find out they're being snooped on. Separation most often leads to Divorce, so if you want to save your marriage (and with 4 kids it is probably best for all) you should not move out.

I recommend that you purchase Surviving An Affair, read it and begin Plan A.

Tried the reposting, made some progress there I think.