She doesn't work, just homeschools the kids. And he's in Italy so I doubt he'd call although I think they have exchanged cell phone numbers.

HILH,
Everyone else has said it so I will as well. DO NOT leave the house. All the reasons have already been stated but think of it this way...YOU do not have to leave YOUR house because WW decided it would be more convenient for her if you were not around.

I almost made this mistake myself (before DDay). WW actually helped me pack my bags and I was walking out the door when that virtual 2x4 (must have been air-delivered from Mel) smacked me in the head and I said, "whoa, what are you doing?!"

Meloday,


Praise be to that and amen! So what happens when they refuse? I told my WW all these things and she said she wasn't going to quit talking to him because it makes her happy and she hasn't been happy in a long time.

Think I will ask her to draft a NC letter, even though it has been over a month since I told her that the A and her continued contact was disrespectful and she declined. Then I will post her responses for why she won't in my own thread as suggested.

-JC

Seriously, disconnect the internet, smash the damn computer, whatever ... ITS YOUR HOUSE TOO!!!

Sack up, man ... why are you ENABLING this A to continue. Women don't respect "spineless weinies".

Make it crystal clear ... YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE, YOU WANT YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK, BUT YOU WILL NOT SHARE HER WITH ANOTHER MAN. PERIOD!!!!

If she wants to continue, then SHE can leave, but you and the kids will STAY.

MR,
Short of physically restraining her, busting down the (locked) door to the spare room where she stays and smashing the computer (considered this a few times) I can't do anything to stop the EA from continuing. If I destroy the computer it will be a major LB since it is not just her A on there - it also contains her freelance work files. Doing that would alienate me from the ILs, who support me now and may open me to legal action.

It's oversimplifying to say "sack up" and disconnect the internet. She has also paid for a second phone line to the house and a separate internet account to feed her internet addiction.

-JC

It is an option for me, albiet a drastic one I would prefer to avoid, but I won't take it off the table ...

I'm sorry, but those are just BS excuses and you know it.

Your WW has NO respect for you, and you reinforce that belief with your continued behavior.

You state "I can't do anything to stop the EA from continuing." ... are you SERIOUS.

Let me make use of an extreme example ... what if your WW was having physical sex with the OM right in front of you, would you still claim "I can't do anything to stop the SEX from continuing."? Well, in effect, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS DOING ... she is having emotional/fantasy sex with the OM in your own home, while you are at home, and you "WON'T" do anything to stop it, and you wonder why she doesn't take your requests seriously? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

There are guys here who are busting their A$$ES to save their M and you are too afraid of your W to do anything to help YOURSELF. We're talking about guys breaking up long term affairs, and you won't even put an end to an internet EA.

You wanna see what a "REAL MAN" does to protect his family ... check out "tiredinmd's" thread in the "Just Found Out" section. This guy has shown the "stones" to stand up for his M and his family, IN SPITE of his WW's anger. He may or may not be able to salvage his M, but he has sure put a stop to the A, and if necessary, will be able to walk away from the M with his self-respect. How much self-respect do you have right now??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I understand where you're coming from, MR but I respectfully disagree that I haven't done anything to stop the A. Have you read my story? I have more self respect than you obviously realize - enough to not be baited into an argument with you about what I have or haven't done. I'll end this out of respect for HILH and the support he's obviously seeking.

-JC

Its okay ... these are emotional subjects.

I'm reading that story you mentioned MR and also will be looking onto Spying 101 to step up my game. I need to hear what is happening when that Skype headset goes on. I'm at work for 10 hours during their active times due to the time zone difference.

JC ~ You mentioned info about Skype chats? Can you elaborate?

The Skype chat history is saved in the files chatmsg256.dbb, chatmsg512.dbb, chatmsg1024.dbb, chatmsg4096.dbb and so on. You should be able to open these with a text editor.
-JC

even if the Privacy settings are on "No history"?

does it record both sides of the chat?

yes, I believe the chats are recorded even if no history is set. It records both sides of the TYPED conversation. I found my WW was typing responses and listening to his voice chat so I only saw her side of the convo.
-JC

Thats good to hear ... I have my keylogger set to capture screens every 5 minutes but that still misses stuff.

Now to deal with the headset ...

Let me know if you find anything on that headset issue!

I have a confession to make ... I did leave the house Sunday evening.

I know it was a mistake, one that I will be rectifying when I get off from work. I'm going back to my house and kids.

I'm reading everything I can on Plan A and will be ordering books ASAP.

Settle in, HILH. It is YOUR house and YOUR life too. YOUR kids need you as well but it looks like you realize that. Best of luck and let us know how your triumphant return goes!
-JC

It could've been better.

One big LB (AO) when I got home, followed by smaller ones each day. Thats down from several big ones a day but still leaves a lot of room for improvement. She's tolerant of my presence but thats about it.

The books came Christmas Eve, HNHN and LB, so I'm reading LB first. I feel like such a jerk after just having read a few chapters, I see so much of my own behavior for what it really was.

I get a lot of fog-babble from her - she doesn't know if she wants our marriage, she has nothing to give, so much baggage from the past, etc - and I don't want to minimize it but she won't talk about it either. She wants to 'fix herself first' before giving us another chance.

I'm at a loss to bring her back from this withdrawal. I want to DO something but it all seems to push her further away. To use the pebbles analogy, I feel like I'm on the beach during a hurricane with a pile of pebbles waiting to start working on that bridge.

It's normal for us men to want to DO or FIX something. You cannot FIX her - period. You can only DO the right things to create an environment where no MORE damage occurs.

No contact must first occur, simultaneously with a good Plan A.

No LBs, no expectations.

Be the attractive alternative

Patience...this is a long campaign, not just a series of individual battles...take the long view

L2F

Would it be counter-productive to get her to decide if she wants the marriage or not? I'd like for her to get off the fence and either commit or leave.