first or that it takes a while for them to do so??

If they don't file then that may mean that they aren't really sure that a DV is what they want. Implement Plan A or B if there is a chance you'd like to save the marriage and or recover. There is no rush to file for DV when either of you aren't ready.

In my opinion if he/she wanted to Divorce you, they would go and do it.

Trix is right, it may mean they dont want or isnt sure. Dont rush it.

So money shouldn't even be an issue? I mean say WS can't afford attorney, BUT can afford to do it himself with help from the self-help court in his state, or even with help from a paralegal...

No, money isn't an issue. No-fault divorces are cheap $100-300 depending on the state.

When I was a WS, I didn't file because I didn't really want it, and the OM was really pressuring me, which I could even see through the fog was a red flag.

If you want to reconcile, the people here can help you do a good plan a/plan b.

Another reason: as long as they don't D, they can continue to "cake-eat" (get some ENs met by you and others met by the OP). They can continue to live in their fantasy world. Getting a D will destroy all that.

My FWW likely didn't D me because even during her A I was meeting ENs like Financial Support, Family Commitment and others that the OP would not be able to meet. Of course, if I knew about her A when it was going on, things might have turned out slightly differently...

Well, my WW did eventually file first. But, one reason she waited soooo long is that I didn't do a real Plan-B after I left. I was still paying most of the bills, principally the mortgage, which I had to or risk harm to my credit rating and big financial consequences. Anyway, she had it very nice. Mr. OM could meet her needs for Admiration and SF, and I was footing most of the bills. It was a very cushy setup.

- WG

Well, in the case of my ExH, he would not file for a D because he had no money, and I think that he had an extreme case of guilt.
I ended up filing when I realized that there was nothing left to recover, and that he was still off dating OP, and I was sitting here, with my life on hold, waiting.....
But, I am glad that I did it, I deserved more than what he was giving me.

A WS will want the BS to file in some cases, that way the WS can justify the divorce, saying that it was the other person that did it, and absolve themselves of responsibility.

The last time I spoke w/my WH, I asked where I can send paperwork to, he's telling me to send all correspondence to his mother's address - uncertified. But I told him I'm going to send EVERYTHING certified w/a return receipt required...

I feel I'm not READY to file, but I want to prepare myself if it does come down to me filing first.

WH keeps saying he will file, OW's mother told me she doesn't believe he will. This has been going on for a while..

AUG. 07 - tried to smooth talk me into filing, uncontested
SEPT. 07 - confessed about OW, told him I'm not going to do somwthing for him when it's what he wants, said he will file.
NOV. 07 said he will still file, but wants it uncontested, I told him to send the D papers to me so I can look over it with my attorney.
DEC. 07 - angry at me b/c I exposed him to OW's family...though they did already know some things I told them..says he's not going to give me jack.

Now - calling the circuit clerk every week to see if he's filed...still hasn't. He doesn't want for me to ask for child support for both of our kids!

My family is also getting stressed over this, but I keep telling them that this is something I have to go through. They fear that once I get done w/school and he finds out I'm living comfortable he will try to come back...or if I file and get what I need to get for the kids he will think twice and want to work on it.

I KNOW he is not doing too well financially, but I do know the filing fee is $140 in Arkansas!

How do I go about finding a "pit bull" attorney?

I feel I should ask for full custody (read my story on why).

In my case, I think that WW is as sure as she's going to get that she wants a D, but a) she would rather me do it (then I get to be the bad guy to our 4 kids) and b) she hasn't the foggiest (pun intended) idea how to get her life in order, i.e., she's looking to change jobs, move to another house (with the kids - yeah, right!), etc.

The best part of it all is that she doesn't yet know (I know she hasn't yet sought legal counsel) that in our state (IL) an uncontested D (which I will NOT agree to) requires both parties to live apart for at least 6 months, and a contested D requires both parties to live apart for at least 2 years. Considering the fact that she's told a mutual friend that she doesn't think that she should have to leave the house (and there's no way in he11 that I'm going anywhere), she's going to be stuck between a rock and a hard place pretty soon if, and when, she decides to file.

Is he paying child support now? If not, that may be the reason he isn't filing. If you divorce, he WILL have to pay child support.

He's paying child support already...not for our kids. I filed for child support back in August. I'm just waiting for the CSO in Arkansas to serve him...it's taking longer than usual b/c both kids were conceived in Arkansas, I'm in California now.

A caseworker told me CA will keep trying for a year and if they can't find him, then they will close the case!

I gave them his last known address (house that he is renting to own, and that I did help pay every month when we were together) and OW's address. The last time I had contact w/him I told him I knew that his truck payment is about4-5 months past due and that the bank was calling me, he tried to get through to me but I wouldnn't answer my phone and I'm not going to, he can speak with my attorney.

I gave his SSN to them...he won't tell me where he works.

Believer, yeah many have told me that's why he won't file.

14thgpr, I believe that's how him and his XW got an uncontested divorce even though they have 1 child together. Guess they didn't want to live apart for 2 years.

I have to believe that the reason that most Ds are uncontested/no fault/irreconcilable differences is that neither party wants to wait any longer than they absolutely have to to get out of the marriage. Boy, is WW in for a rude awakening on that one!

Well if it has to go on for a while, I will not go for it uncontested. I can wait. I don't need another man and I'm not looking for one.

Can someone clarify this for me?? What does this mean?

"3. My spouse has just told me that he/she wants a divorce. Can I oppose the divorce?
In Arkansas, you can. After you and your spouse have lived in separate residences and have not had sex with each other for a continuous period of 18 months, a spouse who files for divorce and can prove that separation will be entitled to a divorce regardless whether the other spouse agrees. If yours is a covenant marriage, your spouse will have to wait until you have been separated for two years to get a divorce, and if you have children, six months must have passed since the judge signed a judgment of judicial separation, unless she can prove certain misconduct by you."

"13. What happens if I can't prove fault? Do I have to stay married?
The judge will generally not grant a divorce unless a) both parties agree on all issues; b) you can prove fault; or c) you have lived separate from your spouse and have not engaged in sexual activity with your spouse for more than eighteen (18) months."

source: http://www.tripconylawfirm.com/divorce_faqs2a.htm


"Arkansas is not a "no-fault" state, meaning that Arkansas law requires that you prove that you have "grounds" for a divorce. Unless you can prove to the court that you have been separated from your spouse for 18 continuous months without having sexual relations with your spouse, you must prove "grounds." This usually means that you must prove some misconduct by your spouse.

It is important to note that if your spouse "contests" your grounds for divorce, you must have a witness testify about some fact or circumstance to convince the judge that your accusations are true. In other words, if your spouse contests that you have grounds for divorce, your word alone will not be enough. You will have to bring a witness to back you up on at least part of your accusations.

If your spouse does not "contest" that you have grounds for divorce, you still will have to bring a witness with you to court, but that witness need only be prepared to testify about where you and your spouse have lived (or simply where you have lived, if you are a resident of Arkansas) and about how long you and your spouse have been separated. The witness will need to be able to testify from his or her own personal knowledge and not just from what you have told the witness."

source: http://www.tripconylawfirm.com/divorce.htm

Does this mean he will have to prove that I did something wrong that caused us to separate? I've also learned that the separation had to be agreed on mutually or voluntary...or b/c of someone's fault. The separation wasn't mutual nor voluntary.

Let's say the 18 mos is up and he files, will he be bale to get a divorce and have the judge grant him whatever he wants?

I suggest you consult with an attorney to get the answers to your questions.