Hi DM,

You sound a little less freaked out. Good!

I don’t know if you want to show any kind of drastic change tomorrow, including getting her stuff out. It might give away your game plan. You’ve been doing this long enough that I would be surprised that Jennifer doesn’t agree it's time.

Good luck tomorrow, try to keep your cool.

I hope my anger is not out of line and I really hope that I don't feel like this tomorrow, that it's just another part of the roller coaster. I've never had such little control over my emotions in my entire life.

This is not what I want, but I feel like she's backing me into a corner and giving me no choice. In fact, she's probably hoping for it at this point. I am scared to death of plan B because I'm lacking a Plan A and she hasn't allowed me to meet her ENs. I'm beginning to see that maybe she isn't looking to cake eat. She only does so because I'm offering it to her on a silver platter. I keep throwing myself in front of her and allowing her to run me over, then I get angry at her for it.

Maybe plan B will be best for both of us. I can let go of the pain and she can move on with her life without having me in the way. I love her so much that I will let her go, but I'll always have a certain emptiness inside of me.

I'll try to keep things in plan A as much as possible tomororw and wait to hear from Jennifer. I also have lot of things I wanted to say to WW, but I will need some opinions. I'll try to post them up in the morning.

Good Morning DM,

Sounds like you did too much LBing, so I see where you’re concerned about Plan B. The other thing that is becoming quite obvious is that you are getting to a point that this is not healthy and your just hurting yourself IMO. You're going to plan B is going to be extra hard because you didn't prep yourself mentally to let go, so your sliding down that rope and let go a 100 ft instead of ten... are you ready for that big of a drop? The good news in all of this is that you seem to be coming to this realization as well and you're getting mentally ready for it.

DM, know matter what happens you'll be ok, we all will.

TMTS,
I did a lot of LBing in the few months immediately after DDay, but I haven't in the last month since we started speaking again. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I can stand by and sit through another A. The first one was hard enough and it's like I'm going through it all over again. My biggest concern is that she will lose all respect for me (whatevers left) if I continue down this path. If Jennifer says I need to continue plan A, I will, but I haven't seen a thread here yet where someone continued plan A in my situation.. where the A is over, but the WS begins another A instead of returning home. I want to do whatevers best to get my W home and repair our marriage. I love my W more than life itself, but this WW is really draining me.

I know I'm not supposed to bring up relationship talk tonight, but I want gauge her and see where she is now. Obviously, she is not ready to give up her freedom, but I want to point out some things about our marriage and clear up some of her complaints. Just some food for thought while she's on her trip and incase i go to plan B. She's given me some indication that she might be unsure about things again, but not enough for her to change direction.

Ok, you know you shouldn't but it's all your thinking about isn't it? That where you running into problems. Re-read my thread and see how the vets kicked my A$$ out of that line of thinking. Tonight’s goal is simple... put yourself in the state of mind that this is your first date with her and your just trying to keep the conversation light. Don't talk R!!! Ask yourself this... will it change her mind? The only thing you'll get out of it is that you'll be able to check her reaction against your scale, but at the end of the day you'll look desperate and needy. That's the last thing you want. Show her the DM she fell in love with!

Your right about a second A, but she doesn't see it that way. In her mind she's moved on but you still meet some of her En’s so IMHO your plan B will need to be pitch black dark because until now she has no idea what life will be like without you.

BE STILL!!!
I'm not going to wish you good luck, because luck has nothing to do with it... so I’ll wish you strength and focus.

It will be hard knowing in my mind that she's been gone with him all weekend (probably getting back just before dinner), but I'll do my best. Unfortunately, looking desparate and needy seems to be all I've accomplished in my plan A. Just when I thought I was getting a little better at this, she drops into a higher gear with this guy. I wish I had more time and maybe the Harley's will say that I do, so I'll be STILL as a rock until we figure things out.

Thanks for your support, TMTS. You're a good man!

So DO NOT CONTINUE THIS BAD PATTERN TONIGHT. I beg you, DM, it will accomplish nothing. I am almost positive Jen will tell you to go dark plan B. I wouldn't even ask her to come get her stuff. Since she will be gone this week, I would pack up her stuff (only personal items!!) and take it to her dad's house. Ususally I would discourage this, but she needs a jolt of reality and if you really put your foot down in this way, she will be stunned. I think it would gain a lot of her respect for you back.

But PLEASE do not talk R tonight...light, happy and free is how you need to be, and if you do not feel like you can, then CANCEL! What a beginning that would be to your Plan B!!

Lala,
Good to hear from you. I'll do my best to put on a great show tonight. I'm planning to act like I have no idea what she did this weekend. As far as she knows, I just think she went to work yesterday. That is what she told me. Should I ask her how that went and go along with whatever she says? That way she won't think I know the truth and maybe I can save face for still going to dinner with her. As for lastnight and today, I guess I was too busy with my own plans to even wonder.

I'm getting really nervous about plan B now, but if it's time.. it's time. I wish I could have just a little hint that it will affect her and make her see what she's doing. That she's throwing away our 15 years for some guy that she hasn't even known 2 months.

I thought I had some hope when I saw her on Friday (I forgot to mention) because she was wearing her wedding ring that night. But when I asked her about it, she said it was because she didn't want anyone at work to know. I guess it makes sense. That ring costed a fortune, so she might as well wear it for something. ugh!

I am going through some crazy ups and downs today. I just drove by WWs place and she still isn't home. I know she hasn't packed for her trip yet, so that will probably cut time out of our dinner plans. I am the last of her priorities and she makes that pretty clear. I don't understand how she can do this. I have been faithful to her for 15 years and I only hold memories of us. But she's already given her love to someone else and now she's moving onto another, creating new memories yet again and putting a stranger between us. I have no idea what that feels like. Maybe I am naive and missing out on something. It must feel good to be loved that way by so many people. I have only wanted her love and now it's gone. I am alone now.

Sorry for the downer, I just need to release some of this weight. I may or may not look back at this someday, but for now, I will use it as my journal.

Hey buddy,

I'm here with you man! Don’t read my stuff today, it will just bring you down more. It's really unexplainable isn't it? Look you are allot stronger than you think. For you to go through this with her seeing two OM says something about you.

Don't ever feel bad about coming here and letting it out. For me doing it has kept me sane.

There will be good days down the road, even if it isn't with your WW. (Look at your outing with your buddies, there is love for you out there).

I don't know if you are a praying man, but I'll say one for you tonight. Hang in there! I'll check up on you later. Don't freak out man!!!

You know, I had to go to my in-laws for dinner (had a great time and got all "dolled up" in true Goddess style <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />) or I would have written again sooner. It bothered me all day about me telling you to pack her stuff. It goes against my better judgement and the only reason I said that this time is because of your specific sitch. She should pack her own stuff. It'll make her reflect (possibly) on what she is giving up, ya know.

I am so sorry you are down today. I don't want you to feel alone. You have us here to help you. Sounds like you have a lot of friends and family, too. You can lean on them for support. The other thing that helps me when I am especially down is to find some sort of charity work. Focusing on other people who are worse off than me always gets my head out of the dark and lifts my spirits. I know it has to be hard, though, considering what you are going through. I'm here for ya, though, whenever you need to vent!!

Hang tough! And let us know how tonight went.

DM,

Any news man? Did she show? How yo doing?

So unfortunately, dinner was not great. I tried to keep it light and fun, but there was this tension and she seemed uncomfortable. From the very beginning, it seemed like she didn't want to be there. She was distant and acts like we're just friends. What else got to me was that OM2 texted her a couple times while we were there. I think something is starting to develope now. This is what I was afraid of since she spent the weekend with him. She doesn't allow me to meet her ENs and I can't show her any affection. It almost seems like she cringes if I touch her. I think she is too far gone now. She was quiet in the car on the way back, so I asked what she's thinking about. She said she wasn't ready to talk about it right now, so i didn't press it any further.

This is looking like the end and I don't know what I can do about it. I don't think Plan A or plan B are going to help me anymore. It might just be time for a D. I know these plans are supposed to help save my marriage, but I just don't see it working for my sitch. I feel like they are holding me back from the things I need to say. When is it time to let out the things that are bottled up inside of me? And when is it time to let go??

I'm sorry, DM. Like I said b4, try Plan B, and see what happens. I agree with you, Plan A may not be the way to go here, being that you are separated and she is so far gone. Remember that BOTH plans are supposed to be for YOU. While Plan A is designed to expose and try to work towards NC, it doesn't usually work (only 15% of the time, 85% of the time, Plan B is necessary). It is also supposed to be a time where you become the best H you can be, and most importantly, the best person you can be, which helps you prepare for Plan B. Plan B is then designed to remove you from the heartache of the A and the WS's continued betrayal so that you can focus on recovery for yourself. It is supposed to be a time where you can get your life back and not be continually ensnared in the WS's mess.

As far as letting out the things that are bottled up inside you...do it here! Do it in IC. But, I implore you, do NOT do it to your WW. She will not listen, and unfortunately, it will push her farther away from you and into the arms of the OM. It is futile at this point. So, this needs to turn from trying to yank HER back into reality to YOU finding some inner peace and strength. You have been through one of the worst things any person can go through, and the only thing you can do now is recover from it as best you can and move forward. You may wish to go straight to Plan D, or you may wish to try Plan B until the newest A fizzles out. It's up to you. But I agree with you, Plan A should end.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, DM.

DM,

Sorry about your night, but I think this is what you kind of expected. I'm with Lala on Plan B. She hasn't seen what life will be without you yet, and that will be the real measuring stick as to how serious she is with OM2. The question you have to answer for yourself is are you ready and willing to wait? The hone number you got was it to try to mend your ego and pain or because you were truly interested in her, therefore able to say that your feelings for your wife are gone. The thing that I struggle when thinking about the D is that it is as close to final as you can get. Yes there is always the possibility of reconciling after D, but you don't see much of it.

You will have a much clearer picture of which direction to take after talking to Jennifer.

Best to you.

Lala, TMTS... Thanks for the support. You don't know how much it means.

My appt. with Jennifer is this evening, so I'm just waiting to hear what she says. I'm placing a lot of hope on her to set me straight here. WW left for her trip yesterday, but I'm still on this rollercoaster. We've been exchanging texts and IMs because she logged on from her hotel lastnight. She's being a lot more pleasant than at dinner, but im trying to not react or take any hope from it. I think her trip may be triggering some memories because she's in NY and the last time she was there was when we went for her birthday a few years ago, but again, im not hoping for anything. I'm still trying to plan A until I know what to do. I'll keep you posted on what Jennifer says.

About getting the phone number, etc.. I love my wife and want to fix our marriage more than anything. I haven't lost my feelings for her. I'm just torn in so many different ways right now. I think alot of people would understand, but trust me it's NOT what I want. I want my wife and our life back. Sometimes the pain is just too much and I lose hope. If she is going to leave me in the dust I need to do something to cover the pain and heal my wounds. But again, I'm going to put that aside right now. I wasn't planning to dive into anything.

Hey DM, not sure what time the call with Jennifer is, but I am waiting to hear how it went...let us know!

My talk with Jennifer wasn't quite what I expected. She doesn't think I should go to plan B yet as the risk is too great. She wants me to write WW letters to tell her what I've learned in regards to our relationship. How I've realized that our lifestyle was leading us to unhappiness and how I've changed from these realizations, etc. If you've worked with jennifer, I think you know what I'm talking about. I'm going to write the letter(s), but don't know if it will really change anything. I don't think Jennifer expects them to either, but it is the best thing for me to do right now. She wants me to continue plan A and write the letters for another month. To be honest, I'm not sure I can go that long, but I'll try. I haven't written WW any letters yet, so it's something new I can do and atleast I have the direction on what I should say. I'm going to work on one and send it to jennifer as well as post it for some feedback.

DM,

This is the same advice she gave me. About one a week not to smother her. Jennifer's take seems to be that plan B is risky because of the out of sight out of mind senario, and that you have to do somthing that she will be able to hold on to, so that when the fog lifts she can read these again with a different perspective.

Good luck, DM. I sure hope it works! We're all here for you...a month will go by really fast. Hang in there...you are stronger than you think!