Help

Im having a hard recovery after my wifes affair, does divorce, however painfull and unwanted, eventually bring relief from the pain or does it just bring more problems?

I have 2 children but one has already left home, the other is 10.

The reason that I ask is that I dont think I am coming to terms with my wifes affair (even though it was brief and is over) and im wondering if divorce is the less painfull option in the long run?

I experienced both the pain of watching my X pursue other relationships (a couple of times) and divorce. Divorce was much, much worse but in my case, I had little choice.

However, you do have a choice. Has your wife stopped seeing this person completely? Is she truly sorry? Does she want to go to counseling and get to the root of the problem?

If the answer is yes to those questions, then work on your marraige. Don't give up.

I don't think it will bring me relief from the pain...my wifes affair has lead to the beginings of a divorce and it seems to be going downhill at a very rapid rate so I'd have to say no...fix it if you can, but make sure SHE really wants to do that or you'll end up in my shoes and get hurt to the core.

IMO, divorce won't ease the pain of your betrayal, and it may cement the pain, whereas, if your marriage can recover, the pain could mostly disappear over time.

Look, it sounds like you have a long marriage and we understand just how hurt you are. But divorce doesn't make you feel better. In fact, long-term happiness is much more likely with your current spouse.

OTOH, if your spouse is causing you a lot of ongoing pain, continuing affairs, etc..., then separation and divorce are steps that might protect you from indefinate, unlimited, additional pain.

If the affair is ongoing or newly ended, the GQII forum is the best place for you to post. Also, if you haven't, read the articles here on surviving infidelity and the basic concepts; they really are worth your time.

Quell the instinctual response to divorce. Only do it after long and careful deliberation.

- WG

Thanks for the replies.

My wifes affair was 5 months ago. She never left and we have stayed together.

She seems much happier since no contact with OM was established quite quickly and really the problem now is simply me coming to terms with something I never dreamed would happen.

Yesterday was paticulaly hard and I thought about divorce most of the day.

I really believe we can get through it but I will always consider our marriage slightly tainted by it which leaves me with a lot of anger (though not for my wife)

I am so sorry to hear of your experiences and I hope you find luck and happiness for the future.

May your god go with you.