Gammon is smoked pork which you simmer gently for 2 hours than baste with a honey and mustard glaze and roast till crispy!you can decorate with cherries and pineapple to be fancy.!

I wish there wasn't such a time difference.It's 7.30pm here.

Yummy!

I'm in the process of making tamales - pork and chicken for Christmas eve. Tomorrow we are having prime rib and shrimp.

Post deleted by hopenpray

It's interesting how different countries have different christmas dishes.Here in S.A most families braai(barbeque) cos of the warm weather.We always have gammon,roast leg of lamd and chicken with veggies and lots of yummy puddings.

Strangely the fact that its Christmas doesn't upset me more than usual.I think WH will miss the boys tomorrow,I'm glad I'll have my family with me,they all coming to my house!!

OP has brother and sister with kids and they going to her parents house.WH is one of the family.This all makes me think that their relationship is firmly sealed and they are playing happy families!!Do I text him merry christmas tomorrow?or do I stay dark.

I have written WH another PBL,will give it to him today.I reiterated my intentions to stay "DARK" and conditions for his return etc.I am waiting for my D papers to arrive..its totally out of my control now...I honestly don't think WH will turn back now..his done the awful job of sitting with the lawyer ending 21yrs of marriage..his over the worst now all he has to do is wait for it to be final.he can relax so to speak.

I really think his affair is no longer in the fantasy stage for 2 reasons.

1.I exposed the affair at the beginning when he moved in with OP.

2.He has got used to her kids and the reality of everyday living,although he has been behaving like a teenager at times!I think they have settled into living as a family

Saw WH today.He said he wants to come to house to spend time with DD15 next week.He said he would look at MB site when he comes as he will have time alone.Were shall I direct him?

I have printed out MB principles along with some posts for WH.He is fetching them tomorrow.I said "I hope they help you change your mind"He said "don't get your hopes up,I said I'd read them"

After this I'm going to a DARK plan B! I get to rattled and upset when I talk to him.As OP works for him,if WH left her she would more than likely leave her job.I asked him if this would stop him leaving her.He said that stuff does'nt worry him!

I feel so helpless

Hope,

I can identify. Although I am D'd, I truly don't think ExH and OW will ever split up, despite what everyone tells me. They have an 18 year age difference, but that doesn't seem to matter.

ExH has gone through ALOT of financial stuff lately and she's right by his side. I thought she'd bail through it all, but she hasn't.

DD said they seem very happy together. Alot of kissy, huggy stuff.

I want it to end as supposedly they all do, and let him feel the pain as I have, but they've been living together almost 2 years now, I'm sure the fantasy would have worn off by now and the day to day stuff of reality set in!

Hopenpray, I think it's good that you are going to go completely dark. Plan B works much better this way, because it forces the AP to fill all the ENs of the WS. But in this case, I think it is more about preserving your love for him and your well-being. I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are relatively upbeat, though, considering all the heartbreak. It shows just how strong of a person you are!

You cannot educate him right now, he is caught up in his little fantasy world. Do not believe that your WH will be one of the 1% of A relationships that survives, no matter how it looks right now. Do not worry about him or what he is thinking or feeling-it's not your goal right now. Your goal should be YOU, and finding some peace and happiness within yourself.

What are you doing to stay busy and happy?

Thanks for the advice.Catgirl we seem to have similar situations!.Resonance,I know his in fantasy land but he seemed interested so what did I have to lose?I told him to read about withdrawal so his aware of what happens if he comes home!!

When he came on Monday I had decided not to just hand over the notes.He actually asked for them so maybe his interested.I won't ask him what he thinks of them.

DD's friends(17yrs old) say OP flaunts herself all the time and hangs on WH.She also agrees with everything he says.A friend at work had an affair and left his wife for a year.OP fell pregnant but he went back to his wife.He keeps telling me to be strong he will come back!!He says OP will be feeling insecure cos if he left me after 21yrs he can sure leave her.!!

Either way it must come to an end.I do have lots of good friends who I hang out with.My problem is I think about him always and I pray a lot for him.I don't fret about him anymore though I just miss him...I've been with him since I was 15 now I'm 41.

Well today I was served my D papers!

Its a real reality check.I knew he had filed in December but it still hurts.I don't know why he wanted MB notes and said he'd 'THINK ABOUT US" LAST WEEK!!

I think I have to stay in a dark plan B otherwise I'll go off my nut with these mind games!!

I will go to my lawyer next week
Any suggestions??