Is it appropriate to expose him/her to the church they go to...not spreading gossip to the whole congregation, but to his/her Pastor for example.

Not only is it appropriate, but it is the RIGHT thing to do.

Go for it!

~ Marsh

100% agree with Marsh...Expose to the Pastor/Elders...

Mrs. W

My1stLove,

Can you point me to a synopsis of your situation? Plan A or Plan B, how long has the affair been going, how long have you known, how many (if any kids), and who knows already.

What's the Risk/Benefit scenario here, in your eyes? What do you expect the pastor to accomplish?

Thanks!

Hi My1stLove,

I found your story. Exposing your husband would be completely irrelevant. <sarcasm>Shooting him might be an good alternative idea </sarcasm>. He's a serial collector of women, and you've been only married a short time. He apparently has a history of violence. And he's got "God's calling?"

I would get professional advice for this one, but my feelings are that you should immediately be going to Plan B, and starting to line up the means to get child support. I'm a huge advocate for marriages---but I don't really think you've much of one here. It appears that your marital behavior was pretty good prior to this. I'd cut off contact, and let the chips fall where they will.

With regard to exposure---while it might be fun to make some trouble for him, I don't see it as being effective as a tool to guide you to recovery. The fact that he's killed before (even in self-defense) would also lead me to advise against it.

My1stlove,

I'm going to have to agree with K. Exposure might cause him a little embarassment, but it's like spitting in the ocean and hoping the water level will rise.

Your husband has 10 children with different women. This is your first marriage....and he's 17 years older and you're his fourth wife. He's left you with two babies and is living in another state with his pregnant OW. You found out, because he gave you an STD. Sweetie....please don't try and get this man back.

If exposure would help end his affair and bring him back home....then I say NO....don't do it!! I don't want you anywhere near this guy....he's unwell, unsafe, and a toxic person to have in your life.

Please end all contact, get a good counselor, get a good support group....and find an attorney. I know know know you love him....but sometimes, we can be very attracted to destructive things.

Where's your family?

hey guys, thanks for your responses. After reading them, I agree that while it may cause him a little embarassment...it probably wouldn't have much of an effect...maybe OW's family should know.

He said he was "going to get this divorce thing going" and have his number changed. It's almost been 3 weeks, no divorce filed, as far as I know same number.

It would be nice to get child support served as his job or even when he's at church.

It is NEVER wrong to let a pastor know that one of their members is committing A.

~ Marsh

at least she mght be doing the "community" a service by warning them of his character. Possibly before he robs someone else of there dignity or money...or life even.

Oh my.

My1stlove, IMO exposure is the least of your concerns at the moment. A person like your WH is probably already notorious; it's unlikely that he's going to be mistaken for a pillar of the community.

I would say that K and Star*fish gave you excellent advice regarding lining up child support payments. I would have all contact with your WH be through your lawyer. I would not do a single thing to bring him back into your orbit. Your safety and that of your child are paramount here.

Star*fish said:
I think that it's worth exploring with a good therapist exactly why you are so attracted to this man, to your own detriment. It might help you avoid making another mistake later on in life.

Take care.

PK

I would get to work lining up child support

I would expose - church and OWs family

And, I would have contact w/ him though attorney only....Never in person alone.