It's a good idea, once an affair has happened, to get tested. As a WS, of course that is a must, but as a BS, you may want or need to do it for peace of mind.

Having gone through all this after my A, and having seen the issue come up in a few threads, I thought I would add a thread here.

Obviously, this is for women, cause that's the plumbing I've got. Any men out there that would like to chime in with the males experience, please share.

There are 4 things you need to have tested from your cervix: HPV, Chlamydia, Gonnorhea, and Trichomaniasis.

The doctor or nurse practitioner uses a speculum, and you get your normal pap smear. Ask them to test the smear for HPV and identify what strain, if any is present. They will not do this automatically.

Then, with the speculum still in, they stick a swab up and insert in your cervix for about 10 seconds. I know that sounds uncomfortable, but it doesn't hurt one bit. That's the test for C & G. Then they do a little swab so that they can check for T. under a microscope.

Ok, 4 down.

The rest can be tested with a blood test. they will probably need to fill 2 vials, but it sounds worse than it is - it's over fast.

Make sure to ask for:
RSR (syphilis)
Hepatitis panel
HSV (herpes) 1&2
HIV

I'm not trying to make light of a serious issue, but sometimes this stuff is so clouded in embarrassment: it IS NOT a big deal to get tested. It IS a big deal to not get tested and pass something on to your BS, or catch something because your WS was not truthful with you.

It's not a mystery, it's not painful, it's not embarrassing. It's just something that we all unfortunately need to do as part of compensation or just for our own protection.

So if you haven't done it yet: GO DO IT!

EDITED TO ADD CORRECT HPV TESTING INFO - THANKS TO SATURNRISING.

very true! We have people here that have gotten very, very sick as a result of this. I think at least one has died too.
Others have been lucky...nothing more.

Thanks for pointing this out.

Good point, maggie. A lot of the newbies don't know that we have had a BH here whose WW died from AIDS. And she was an RN!

We also had a BS who died of cervical cancer. Don't know it her cheating hubby brought home the virus or not.

That is so sad to hear. As scary as some of these things sound, isn't it better to know so that you can prolong your life and protect the one's you love?

HIV, while a horrible disease, is not the death sentence it used to be if it is managed carefully.

And with testing available to catch it early, no one should die of cervical cancer. That's just awful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Good informative thread Maggie...

You might wish to edit the word "affairage" and change it to "affair"..."Affairage" refers to an "Affair Marriage"...You know, a marriage that results from adultery partners getting married...Of course those folks probably should be tested weekly! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Oh, thanks mrs. W.

I sometimes make up my own words to be funny. Apparently that one already has been taken! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's not only thoughtless to have the affair, but to possibly pass on a STD to me was very upsetting also.

Of course, absolutely! The purpose of this thread is to demystify the whole thing so that someone has NO EXCUSE to not get tested.

Getting tested is very thoughtful. It's at least a start after all the thoughtless stupid things we WSs have done.

Well, miss maggie, while we've got you here, I have a question. Why do you think it is that the WS almost NEVER uses any protection?

I mean, everyone now days knows about unsafe sex. What's up with the affairees?

Well I'm not Maggie, but since I've never said this here, I think I'll take this opportunity...I am one of the few (I guess) that actually did use protection...It never occurred to me not to in fact...Too bad it didn't occur to me not to have the affair at all...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Awww, Mrs. W. God bless you.

It has always bothered me why most DON'T use any protection. I can see thinking it is true love, they are soulmates, etc. But I can't understand why basic common sense and self protection just seems to fly away.

Ok, first off -

CONDOMS DO NOT PROTECT FROM HPV OR HSV! If the affair involved unprotected oral, there are several things that can be transferred that way, too.

I never had sex WITHOUT a condom before I was married.

I have absolutely NO IDEA why I didn't use protection (other than birth control) during my affair. It is very unlike me. I was doing so many self-destructive things that were not like me during that time. It's pathetic.

However, I was not having SF with H during the A, and didn't intend to ever again. If that was not the case, I'd like to think I would have handled it differently.

But people, seriously, even if you used condoms, YOU STILL NEED TO GET TESTED!!!

"CONDOMS DO NOT PROTECT FROM HPV OR HSV! If the affair involved unprotected oral, there are several things that can be transferred that way, too."

You are EXACTLY right. But between condoms and no condoms, as a BS I would have preferred my husband used condoms to give a bit of protection from HIV.

Believer, yes, of course, condoms are better than no condoms.

I just don't want people placated into thinking condoms=safe.

You know what is safest of all? Never straying from our marriage partners! Hooray, I never have to do this again!

When is a guy going to show up and tell us how the testing goes for the men? Don't be shy, boys! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Is it possible for certain STDs to remain dormant for a while?

Like when I got a papsmear done when I was about 7 mos pregnant, it came out alright. (2 weeks after my WH and I last had sex) then after my 6 week postpartum checkup it came out abnormal and I found out I have HPV.

I got an HIV test done back in Sept and the health care worker told me sometimes you would have to wait to see if there are certain cells (??) that will start to develop and multiply before you can find out if you really have HIV or not. Mine came back negative, but I feel like I have to go and take one again to make sure.

What makes me really angry from all this is that my WH has not even said sorry or feels remorseful that he put our daughter's health at risk!

You cannot check for HPV with a pap smear. If your postpartum pap came back abnormal, then they would have reason to check. In other words, you could have had HPV for years or weeks. You didn't know until abnormal cells formed on your cervix that were picked up on a pap smear. You are actually lucky they found it - it is hard to detect hpv this way.

Your Dr. was talking to you about HIV antibodies. They can take up to 6 months to show up on a test. Most doctors will say to take an HIV test 1-3 months after questionable sexual contact, and then one more 6 months later just to make double sure.

Hope that helps.


I feel like Dr. Ruth tonight! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

This STD stuff is serious. I wonder how my WH can feel like it's nothing to get worried about...I feel like I have to get all the tests done again...just to make sure. As far as other STDs if I did have them I would know b/c it would have some kind of affect on my daughter, right?

Yes, it is very serious. My1stlove, I would very much encourage you to go and get all the tests done that I listed on the first post of this thread. Many of these diseases have no symptoms, can only be found by blood test or getting a sample, and can cause serious problems like cancer or sterility. You would not know if you have them just because your child has no symptoms. You need to get all the tests I listed above to be sure. Please don't be afraid to go - it's so much better to know. Many of these problems can be cured with simple antibiotics if they are caught early.

Your WH sounds like he's really made some poor choices. I would hate for you to unknowingly be hurt down the road when you can find out now and get things fixed.

Also, remember that while it may be scary and confusing as a patient, this is routine for your doctor, they do this stuff all the time and they will not see it as a big deal.

A good healthcare provider will not be judgemental or ask any questions about why you want these tests done, although of course you are free to share with them as well.

I find it helps to bring a piece of paper with me whenever I have to go to the doctor with questions I have on it, and then I can write down everything they tell me. I get really anxious when I have to go to the doctor and blank out on what I want to ask or what they told me afterwards if I don't get it down on paper.

Great information Maggie.