Where to begin, I have been reading a lot since December 17th, my D-Day, and it seems I am just a cliche. My WS has decided to go to therapy, alone, to decide between me or her. This is both of our 2nd marriages, his broke up because of an affair ( not with me!) My 1st husband left me for someone 10 years younger. I am sick, weak, tired (no sleep) and have to have an extended family (his kids and mine) living in my house for the holidays. Help!!!

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I'm glad you have found us. You might want to post in General Questions where there is more traffic.

So while he is going to therapy to decide between the two of you, start exposing the affair to everyone who might have any influence on him.

And then read up about Plan A which is the starting point.

Whatever he complained about before D-day are things that you should be trying to change.

Hi Maggiejo,

Welcome to MB. Sorry you have to be here. How are you doing today?

Believer asked you to learn about plan A. You can learn about both plans A & B right here on MB.

Start by reading the concepts section above and later check out the books:

Surviving an Affair - Harley
His Needs/Her Needs - Harley

These books are good to read to start learning.

If your WS remains as a WS and giving you more trouble, take a look at: Love must be Tough (Dobson).

Your WS is going to counseling.....by himself? Are you sure?

Does he babble about loves you but not in love with you and that he needs time away from you to decide? There's more babble the WS tries to give the BS.... learn to differentiate between babble and the truth. This is important.

Also look into your legal rights in regards to adultery, separation and divorce. This is important because he may try to scare you to enable his A.

Remember it is all about the WS attempting to get control over the BS and family to support the A. I am sure you don't want to do that.

Secure your finances because your H has turned into a WS who depends on being selfish. WS' can't exist unless they are selfish, often at the expense of the family.

If you have children, love them and keep an eye on them. Get support for them too.

Create your personal support group. It can include your children, relatives, neighbors, friends, MC/IC, whoever and whatever can help you and your family stay safe.

What do you know about the A and the OP (other person)?

One more thing: For you, pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience.

Keep posting.

take care,
L.