I'm not going to go into our whole story, but here is the latest thing that is really bugging me. At first, after DD of course there was all this SF. For some time now it has been gone. I really don't feel like my WH wants to be here anymore. Yet, I don't know why he would be if he doesn't. Days can go by where he doesn't even kiss me. Well, yeah, I get the quick kiss on the cheek when he is leaving, for work, but that will be it. I have spoken to him about this and he says he doesn't realize it. If this was normal before the affair, I guess I wouldn't notice it. If it was like this after DDay, I guess I wouldn't say anything. If I don't kiss, hug, or touch him, it doesn't happen. So I tried an experiement. I didn't do anything. He didn't either. The past four months, we have had sex 3 times. This is especially puzzling when he made the comment after dday if his appetite for sex was a problem for me. We just recently had another discussion about it and he said he would try harder. This bothered me. Am I being silly? I don't think it should be something you have to try to do. I do stop myself from kissing or touching him lately. Don't want to force myself on him. After this conversation, a couple of days go by and I tell him again, it has been 3 days since you kissed me. I have tried to talk to him about this the past several months. Then we will have sex and then it just stops. He says, well, now you will think I just want to do it because you said something. Well, he's right there. He said, sorry I didn't realize I wasn't kissing you. I told him, I know, that is what bothers me. If you don't feel anything, desire, whatever, it is ok, we just both need to deal with that and do what we need to do. This isn't working for me though. I asked if he understood what I was upset about, he said, that I didn't kiss you for a few days. Well, yeah, but that it didn't even occur to you, one way or the other. I just feel like we are roommates and feel that this is the way he likes it. I'm a SAHM, finances are limited, so I know he has no motivation to really do anything. What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? Nowhere. He knows it. Have been looking for a job and as soon as I can afford it, plan on getting out. Hate this feeling.

I guess my question is, seems to me that this signifies that he isn't in love with me. Anyone experience anything like this? Sure he cares for me as a friend, as the mother of his children, but I just don't "do" it for him anymore. It has been said here over and over, actions speak louder than words. Last contact with OW was supposed to have been last April. I even asked him if he was masturbating. He says no, never does. He is 43, can't believe it is normal. Has been to a doctor recently for a physical too.

I think you should change your handle. You ARE NOT stupid!!!!

Yeah, I am working on that. Just feeling like that is what he views me as, ya know?

Welllllllllll.....

Don't you worry at all about what he thinks of you. He is NOT thinking!!! (But yes, I DO know what you mean!)

Hang in there!!

I want to give you a cyber hug but I don't want to use your handle here. So I'll use:

(((((((((((((((w)))))))))))))))

I'm sure some vets will be here soon to weigh in on your situation.

Take care!!!

SW...

Are the two of you spending at least 15 hours/week together? If so those hours need to be filled with Recreational Companionship, Intimate Conversation, Affection and Sexual Fulfillment...Have you both filled out the Emotional Needs Questionnaire? If so, what are his top needs? Are you meeting those as he likes to have them met? That is how you fill his lovebank...That is what brings those "in love" feelings...

If you are doing those things, are you still checking to insure NC is in place? You need to inspect what you expect...

Mrs. W

15 hours a week together, probably not, only when we work together. We did fill out the questionnaire. I am filling those needs that I can. Mostly he answered things that he thought I would want, not necessarily what he wanted. I asked him to complete it again after explaining what its intent was, but he has not. I have tried to do those things that I can that he indicated, but can't get him to participate in the things he said he wanted to do.

He says, too tired, too busy, doesn't feel like it, whenever I bring anything up.

SW,

I think you need to make sure that NC IS still in place. Something smells rotten here.

((((((((((SW)))))))))))

Who