Hello everyone! I am new to this forum so please be patient with me. My hubby and I have been back and forth about many different issues in the past and have been unable to resolve those issues. Lets just say this has been a more painful than good marriage for me. Tonight my oldest son(hubby's step son)was in the room of my youngest son,they were fighting and my husband told my oldest son to stay his dumb a**out of the motherf***ing room. Once my son left the room, I asked hubby not to use those words towards our son. He got upset and told me because of my son's lack of understanding,this is the only way he will get it. We then started arguing to the point were he was using profanity towards me. I got angry threw a book at him. He walked towards me like he wanted to hit me but instead he cussed at me and spit in my face. I am now to the point where I want to run and run far. Any input would help.

Thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

There is without a doubt, abuse in your household. Let's see what others have to say but my vote is to get your children and yourself out of there to someplace safe.

No father (step father either) should ever, EVER swear at a child like that. Children learn from what they observe and if your son is exposed to this guy, he may end up just like him.

Also, your hubby spit on you??? Again, this is an abusive relationship.

Protect your children, protect yourself.

I have to agree. You can try to start setting boundaries (the next time you cuss at anyone here, we will get in the car and leave), but you may need to look at removing yourself. I'm assuming he 'has no problem' and will not be willing to work on anything? If he's willing, start reading about Love Busters (yours first, such as throwing a book!, then his), meeting each other's Emotional Needs, and all the other great advice on how a marriage should be. If those things are unattainable, protect yourself.

Again, if this was just a one-time thing, you have a good chance of making things better. And remember, step-parents have an awful strain on them. If you're sticking together, I highly recommend you at the very least read everything you can get your hands on about step-parenting, and share what you learn with your H; he'll appreciate learning how to make it work better.

However, if it is abuse (please google for the signs of abuse), do NOT put up with it. Set boundaries for now, and make plans to either get him to agree to seek counseling or else leave.

First of all, you have control over yourself, not others. Don't throw stuff. It tends to hit people, which only serves to escalate matters and make them mad/madder.

It's best not to let things boil over to the point of physical violence. Throwing a book is physical violence. Spitting in ones face is physical violence, not to mention humiliating. Cooler heads usually prevail and you are both less likely to react out of emotion if you wait till things cool off to discuss heated matters.

The folks on the Emotional Needs board are pretty good at assisting in better ways of communicating with your husband while using the Marriage Builders concepts. There is lots of great information on this site. Start reading.

It's good that he did not strike you. I hope you (the book) did not strike him.

I think it's good you posted. Shows your desire to fix things. You're already on the road to success. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

First, why are you throwing things at your husband? Let's stop that destructive behavior asap. As someone else noted, you CAN control what YOU do, and being that "self control" is the cornerstone to happy relationships, I highly recommend you get some and how.

All that said, your husband spitting at you is atrocious and demonstrates such a moral void, it is hard to fathom. That is a barbaric act, and makes me wonder what else he is capable of. [I PRAY your boys did not see or hear that. If my Dad would have spit in my mother's face growing up, I may have killed him with my bare hands].

Sorry to those here who despise God and religion, but your husband needs a heaping dose of Jesus in his life. I am sorry you (and your boys) had to endure such horrific behavior. Until he gets his act together, he does not deserve to even be in your presence. He has broken just about every holy law ever written about honoring/respecting one's wife--in every religion. Get that man a priest so he can have the devil in him exorcised.

My advice is to step away for a bit. Can you go live with a parent or something for a while? You and your husband need space for sure. Everyone needs to back off and calm down and get in SELF CONTROL. Once you can do that, and once your husband admits he has a serious problem, then we can begin talking about recovery paths.

Blending a family is hard. Rather than have you leave your home, I would recommend counseling. FOR EVERYONE!!! Good family counseling is a good thing. Also, both you and your husband may need some individual counseling.

Coffeecream-I am new to the forum as well. One thing I can tell you is that you are tired because of all the emotional energy you are spending fighting with your husband. I can agree from personal experience it is not easy to 'walk away' from an emotionally charged argument, but I have been learning that it is not effective to feed into it. I do not think we can make these changes overnight however, I do believe that they can be made. All of the people on the forum have been extremely helpful to me in the very short period of time I have been here. I believe they can be helpful for you too!
Keep the faith and best wishes!