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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 10 |
I am hoping someone can answer a few questions for me. What are the signs of withdrawal and how long do they typically last. Ws has told me there is no contact with the OM and her destructive behavior has seemed to stop. Things between us have improved greatly over the last 3 weeks. However I am unsure of what to believe.
dad_of_3
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Have you been checking that there is no contact?
Hope you have been working on her needs and showing her what a great husband you can be.
Some want to just have peace through the holidays. But there are some that stop the affair and work on their marriages.
Is she sorry yet? Will she do things with you and spend time?
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Oops, I just noticed, do they work together?
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 10 |
Believer : I as well as my WS have read His Needs Her Needs And Love Busters .I have been giving my best effort to meet her emotional needs and have had no love busters .Her most important need is conversation followed my affection .She also has been meeting some of my emotional needs We have been Separated for aproximitly a month . I am living in our home with our children and she is currently living with her parents . She does seem remorseful and shameful. Althought we are separated she spends a number of evening here with me and the kids. She spends a few hours talking and spending time with me after our children go to bed. As for her working with the OM ,they are both on 1st shift. As of Jan 2 she will be moving to 2nd shift. She Does still seems to have some independant behavior . I just don't know if I am being nieve .
dad_of_3
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Sounds cautiously promising.
What is her independent behavior? Going out to bars?
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
Has she written the NC Letter?
Is there a chance that she SEES him while at work?
In order for true RECOVERY to begin there has to be ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT FOR LIFE.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 10 |
She has been staying away about 2 nights a week. She is spending time with friends going to the mall or going over her friends houses. She also went to her company chrismas party alone. She has gone out of an ocational drink, Were she was going out 3-4 times a week to bars when she was living here with me and the kids. Tonight is one of the nights she is away . She does call me to let me know she is doing fine . However she did go out for a drink tonight.My inlaws have told me that she does sleep at there house whenshe is not here
dad_of_3
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
Why doesn't she come back home? Why don't you invite her?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
I suggest you start being sure to spend 15 hours a week doing fun things with her without the kids.
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 10 |
On Sunday I asked her to consider moving back home . She has not given me an answer yet .I have told her that she is more than welcome to come here when ever she wants to . We have spent alot of time each night together while the kids are sleeping . Alot of the nights she sleeps here , although one of us sleeps on the couch .We have made plans for Saturday night to go out on the town to have some fun . She agreed to go even thow she does'nt know were we are going . sort of a nice suprize to her
dad_of_3
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Make sure that there will be no contact before she moves home. She should agree to write him a no contact letter.
And I wouldn't be in a hurry right before the holidays.
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 10 |
I have been just trying to make the holidays a happy time for everybody. We are spending Chrismas together and having relatives over for dinner and She is staying here on chrismas eve . Were are also buying gifts for each other .I am trying not to push the issue of her moving home. I would like to ask her what she decided about moving home after the new year. I have not yet asked her to wright a no contact letter. I do know she is not willing to find a new job.
dad_of_3
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
She needs a new job just not a move to the 2nd shift.
Need NC for her feelings to recover.
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