I don't want to repost my whole story and not sure how to get the link in this. So I will be brief. WH has had a drunken ONS and a brief PA. I found out about both without looking for anything. The information somehow found it's way to me. Since finding out about the ONS 6 yrs ago, I have been more suspisous (sp) and between then and now have found that he would go online to look at what I call porn others would call just pictures of women, some completely dressed others somewhat. Not all the time because I have a keylogger. He unfortunately knows about it.

He was away for training for his job for 8 months, he's in the military. He apparently started just looking online and then to chat rooms and met the OW, had a brief PA. I say brief because I found out 2 weeks later.

After finding out about it, I chose to forgive and try to get back to our marriage. We read everything and took all the quizes. We started meeting each other's EN's. It really felt like we had our lives back.

I did make 2 stipulations to go along with helping me get past everything. I said "no drinking when you're not with me and no porn, chat rooms, etc.

Well, neither of those requests were honored. Just a few weeks ago I found that he was back on the computer, not chatting and no email that I didn't know about, just pictures.

I freaked out. Overreacted is what some say. I realize now that my stipulations were an emotional reaction to the infidelities. I told him yesterday, what I should have requested was that he stay out of bars and clubs and getting drunk but if he goes to chili's with the guys it should be okay to have a couple of beers. As far as online, stay out of chat rooms, online dating sites, myspace and things like that. If he really feels the need to look at pictures then that might should be ok. I don't understand the need but I am me and he is him. I know that everyone has a different view on it.

Sorry, I meant for this to be short. This all made me realize that I am not over what has happened and that I DO NOT trust him at all.

My question is, because I have read everything, been to MC and IC and apparently still not past things, how am I ever going to get the trust back? Is it possible that it's gone forever? I am going to a new IC next Thur to help me figure this out.

Also, he had gotten a multimedia message about a month ago. The bill says it was 5 am. He says it was in the afternoon. He swears up and down that he has no idea who sent it (it was a picture of a naked woman from the waist down). It was sent from a woman's phone. I called her and she said she didn't know what I was talking about. I want to believe him when he says he doesn't know who sent this. I have found no evidence to support that this was meant for his number. I have gone back 8 months in our bills and nothing to or from that number and no emails that I have found, nothing. Do I believe or has my untrusting side gotten the better of me that I don't believe anything?

I can tell you from personal experience that the time on the bill often is NOT your local time. Even for my home phone, the time of calls when I look them up on the website is 6 hours ahead of my real time.

Hope this helps
~Mark

You have a right to enforce your boundaries, whatever they are. Your H has a right to either accept or reject those boundaries.

Your hard line stance on internet and social activities is a direct result of him proving himself untrustworthy in these situations, not an example of you being unreasonable. What is unreasonable is him violating his marriage vows, then refusing to take the steps necessary to make you comfortable in the marriage that HE destroyed, or taking responsibility for the consequences of his behavior.

It seems to me that your H is not really getting it. He is not showing true remorse for his actions. He is still hiding things from you and not being transparent and open or honest. I would be very concerned about the text picture sent to him. I would dig harder into that, figure out who that phone belongs to, and find out why they sent an inappropriate text to your H's phone. If I had to hazard a guess I would guess that it was a result of a late night chat session with this person, who sent him a sexual pic on the phone. You have the evidence in front of you, you know from the bill when that message was recieved, him saying it was at another time is simply not true. Furthermore, if it was accidental or unexpected, he should have come to you immediately regarding it.

Do not let him paint you out to be unreasonable. Given his past, your boundaries are entirely reasonable. It is time for you to enforce them, and time for him to decide what is more important to him, respecting your boundaries and being married to you, or not. Because that really is the bottom line. ARE these your boundaries? Are you willing to endure a H that engages in online affairs and PAs? Doesn't sound like you are, nor should you be.

On my cell bill, the time listed is the time the activity occurred on my phones.

If there is evidence of discrepancies on your phone bills CW then you should take that into account. If there is no evidence of that then it is delusional to believe that this one text is the single exception.

Big ol' mule kick back up to the top for confusedwife!!

(Thanks for changing your handle, BTW. This one is much better!)

Hoss kickin' this one up again.