A few months ago my gf used my computer, and left her email open after she was done checking her email. The next day I opened my computer and there it was, I clicked out of it because I didn't want to invade her privacy. And the next time I went to yahoo.com, she was automatically logged in. We she must have hit remember my password on this computer, so after a few weeks I took a look.
There was really nothing there except some new emails from a guy she saw before she met me. First off he deceived her and told her that he was single but she later found out he was married. He lives in another state and I think that she has had nothing to do with him since then. Well in the email I found he was planning a trip here to Florida and really wanted to see her because he "missed her friendship". Well before he came down she had an emergency surgery and was out of commission when he was in town. I took care of her and was in the hospital with her the entire time, she also would have been screwed if I hadn't put her on my health insurance. Her surgery was like $55,000.
I really love this woman and I have never been the jealous type, she tells me all the time that she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. However the fact that she keeps talking to this guy really is upsetting to me. So far I have not found anything that says she is cheating physically, there is no "I miss you, love you", or anything like that.
About a month ago she had coffee with him, and nothing happened as I found another email from him describing the event. The guy is still married. I am looking for an email that says she is really happy and involved with me, and I have not found that. She is awesome to my son and treats him like her own. I don't know what to make of it all really confused why she is carrying something on like this...it is not going anywhere. She lives with me and is putting up her condo for rent to help me with the bills.
What do I do? Should I wait it out? or confront her? I feel if I confront her she will cut it out but I really would like to know if she is a cheater or not. I think that by doing nothing it will really tell me if thats the case, which will be helpful to know so that I do not marry that person. I really want to trust her and I have been really cool and acted like nothing is wrong, but I don't know how long I can go on like this it seems that there is no integrity here. [color:"black"] [/color]

If the roles were reversed do you think she would be quiet about this like you. I think it is certainly a red flag. She communicates with this married ex and has coffee with him behind your back. This is not good.

IMO You simply bring it up. If she is defensive or unable to understand that you have strong negative feelings about her being in touch with her old boyfriend, then I would say you should break up. You are BF/GF... NOT married. If you don't trust her for whatever reason... that is EXACTLY why you date. To see if the person you are dating is what you want to have for the rest of your life.

You will hear it 1000's of times, but believe me, don't expect ANY PROBLEM to diminish in significance or frequency when you are married. In fact, EXPECT it to multiply and magnify. Never think you will be able to learn to love it, be able to fix it, or learn to ignore it AFTER you are married.

Personally, I would just walk. There is NO SENSE in dealing with someone in a dating situation in which you are not completely convinced she is open and honest. IMO, there should never be any posters here who aren't married because, if your relationship isn't what you want while dating... it WON'T be any better when you are married. Learning for YOURSELF how to be better at meeting ENs is one thing... not trusting your GF because she might be unfaithful is the REASON to break it off and look elsewhere.

akmusic,

Welcome to MB. Please don't get turned off by some comments made by some posters, and continue getting help from this board, married or not. You are looking for help, not judgment, we should all remember that.

I can understand how you feel, having been there myself with my boyfriend. If I may give you my opinion, or advice, I would let her know that you have found out she is still in contact with her ex, and clearly state your needs to have it stop, if this is what you want. IMO, she should not be in contact with any man from her past without your knowledge, and without you being present if you do not mind contact. It is YOUR choice. YOU decide and know what is it you want. Not anyone else. I can offer suggestions, but you are the one that knows what course to take. You say you are not the jealous type, and this may be good. I believe that not having 100% trust is also good in a relationship. I think, and again my opinion, that some doubt is healthy, and one should not give blind trust to our partner, married or not. If you suspect that even after you clearly state your needs to have her stop any contact with this man, should it be the course you chose to take, then I would suggest that you sneak in her email, for at least a while, to see if she is true to you. My opinion.