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It was suggested that I post my question here...
My H has informed me that he wants to separate. All the details are in my thread on the EN board if you want some extra reading material.
I feel like I need to get a lawyer at this point to at least understand how to strengthen my position and not do anything that will damage me in the future in case he decides to file for D. I don't want to wait until the papers show up and be unprepared to deal with those consequences.
I plan to do all I can to save this M, but I also don't want to be taken advantage of in case he files.
Can someone tell me the best way to find a good and fair lawyer? The only friend I know who has been through a D recently had a lousy lawyer so her reference will mean nothing.
Me (BW) 48
WH 46
M 2000
No kids
D-Day #1 1/4/08
Confrontation 2/10/08
D-Day #2 3/22/08
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I believe MrWondering on the GQ II, Infidelity board is an attorney residing in Atlanta. Maybe he can point you in the right direction.
ba109
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Nevermind. I see you've already met up on GQ.
ba109
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Personally, I used a small town attorney instead of a big law firm. I had business contact with this person in my job so I knew of him that way.
Mr W gave some good pointers. References, references, references. You are hiring THEM, so don't be afraid to ask.
Find out what their fees are. Some charge for every phone call or if their pen makes contact with a post-it note. Some will work for you while others will work against your wishes while attempting to convince you that it's in your best interest. Usually, it's in THEIR best interest when they give you the bill.
ba109
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My experience has been with a small firm (actually a single practitioner) and they tend to have lower rates than large firms. I've heard someone older than 40 is good in terms of experience. I think factors like integrity and reliability are as, or more important, than being top of their law class.
My attorney is best at 'interpreting the law'. He is less good at being proactive and advising with things not strictly in the courts. You might also want to look for a local support group for people separating or divorcing, both for the personal support, and to learn from other's experience. One program is called DivorceCare, and in my area is offered free by several local churches, even to non-members.
- WG
BH 40, Married: 2002, Discovered affairs: Fall 2005, Divorced: Spring 2008
Advocate grace daily
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I saw a lawyer last week. I wasn't completely impressed with her and if we do end up with D I don't think I'll use her. She practices alone and I liked her alot, but she just didn't seem to be very aggressive. She basically said that the best thing for us to do is decide how to divide our property and that will be that since we don't have kids to worry about. Even with the infidelity, she said it probably won't make much difference unless I can use it for leverage with my H when we discuss division of property.
Does this sound like what I should expect or should I keep looking? I expect that a Plan B is in my future and I want to get advice on a LSA and whether or not I need it.
Me (BW) 48
WH 46
M 2000
No kids
D-Day #1 1/4/08
Confrontation 2/10/08
D-Day #2 3/22/08
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This may sound a bit odd but...
Hang out at the bookstore for a few hours, in the Divorce book section. Ask anyone that reaches for a book there if they can recommend somebody. Ask them about their experience with that lawyer, etc. Just because a lawyer was right for them doesn't mean they will also be right for you, but this kind of poll does provide some comparison data. You'll also likely learn a few things to watch out for. The take the ones with the best recommendations and visit them.
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I'm not convinced aggression is needed in an attorney. But assertiveness is. I've only done this once, but I would imagine that what she told you is correct -- you're basically going to have to deal with property division. That she suggested you work out a plan together is good advice; that would be cheaper than going to trial, and mediators are an option if you want a third party to give structure to negotiations. How useful adultery is in terms of leverage depends on the state and the circumstances.
- WG
BH 40, Married: 2002, Discovered affairs: Fall 2005, Divorced: Spring 2008
Advocate grace daily
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Good points. I hope it doesn't come to this, but who knows.
Me (BW) 48
WH 46
M 2000
No kids
D-Day #1 1/4/08
Confrontation 2/10/08
D-Day #2 3/22/08
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