Well, its that time of year again where there are many hurting people, trying to get through the holidays somehow.

I'm wondering if anyone has ideas for things that helped them cope.

This is my fourth Christmas without my ex, and I'm doing much better than my first, when I threw all of the presents out in the street. I guess it can only go up from there.

One of the things that helped me most was doing things for others.

Hi Believer,

Is there something you have always wanted to do, but never got around to it?

B

Skinsgal - I did most of the things I've wanted to do in Plan B. But I have a whole list of things for this year!

Three years ago, I had the privilege of helping to care for the casualties from the Battle of Fallujah. That is a Christmas that I will never forget!

Hi Believer,

Just got home after feeding and gifting about 150-200 in a local town. I developed a wonderful relationship with a local pastor of another faith just when my XW first ran off. This man , a former drug addict, has organized and run a home for active and former addicts and has given of himself selflessly in thanks for his salvation and reconnection with God' word.

You would think that almost four years would have made this holiday season much easier but contrary to that notion, I have had a very difficult time both emotionally and spiritually. Today was like a magic bullet cure for my heart and soul as I endlessly thanked God for making my life so easy and for shaming me for my self pity.

Helping others always seems to make me rethink my relationship with family, friends and God. I would recomend it for others facing this holy season

And honestly,

The time that you give to us on here helps too. You add to my life and bring it hope that one day I can become whole again. And that that affair will end. Though it certainly doesn't look like it at all from here.

Tell me what is on your list?

I don't know that there's anything that can "help." Making it less awful...maybe.

First, a relatively easy one. Be with friends and family. Even if it feels wrong, empty, lonely...it is better than being alone.

Second, a more difficult, but ultimately more significant "coping" mechanism. Very consciously focus on the blessings that you have: laughing children, faithful friends, a warm home, loving family, the smell of a candle, the sound of snow falling, the beauty of a snowflake.

Even if it is only for an instant--FAR too short a time in the midst of all the pain--have faith that these glimpses of hope and joy are PROMISES of more to come.

This awful time will pass. Not quickly enough...not nearly quickly enough...but little by little, it will pass.

Cymanca - What a wonderful thing, to pass on the blessings you have! And with a pastor with a differnt faith.......

Skinsgal - You will get stronger as you stick with us.

Let's see - on my list -

You have to realize that before D-day, I was a happy mom to 8 kids. My life revolved around my husband and home.

After D-day all that changed. I started my own business, took up SCUBA diving, and started doing outreach to military returning warriors with PTSD.

My plans for this year are to go ON VACATION.

Hi Believer,

Christmas last year was my Dday, so I know it will be a hard day for me. First Christmas in 38 years w/o my WH. I didn't even get a card last year but I later found out that OW got lots of gifts.

So, I'll be looking for ways to get through this year. If I would have planned it better, I would just take a trip to a beach somewhere and pretend it was just another day.

Maybe I still have time to do that. I could just get in the car and drive....

Oh wow, where you are you going?

I am not going ANYWHERE. I NEED you all so much.

LilSis - Counting my blessings helped. After D-day I had a long pity party. But now I realize that I'm very blessed - I have my remaining family, and some good friends. And I treasure each and every moment with them.

I can't even imagine the loneliness and pain of knowing he is with someone else passing - EVER. It feels like a knife inside just being sliced deeper and deeper

He just seems so happy and doesn't even think that there are others who are suffering from his choices.

Skinsgal - I'm thinking about vacation much later in the year. So I'll be around.

They all seem happy during the affair. That is just the way it is. They don't see that others are suffering.

I promise you that the pain DOES pass.

So tell me again that all A end?

Why do they all end? What is it that I am missing or what keeps me in the fear that this one will be the one that won't?

What are you doing tonight?

Affairs all end because of the way they started. You can call it a G-od thing, or a karma thing, but their end is in their beginning. A beautiful thing can't come from the ugly way it started.

We BS's never think it will end, but it does.

Ok, keep this wisdom coming.

As I sit here playing Monopoly with my YS, as well as getting some encouragement from you, it occurs on how much time my H is missing.

And he won't get that back. G-d it hurts tonight. I'm jealous he is with OW. What else can I do in Plan A?

How can I build my hope?

Did you believe that the A would end one day?

Skinsgal - Just a hint - try to buy ParkPlace & Boardwalk (I think, but may have forgotten) Put up lots of hotels.

I never thought the affair would end. OW is 20 years younger than I, and free and easy. When I came here, a couple thousand posts ago, people told me it would end. But I didn't believe it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Your hint is too late. He has boardwalk and I have park place. I do have hotels on baltic and mediterrean.

why didn't you believe it?

Now that time has gone on since he wants to be back, have you changed your mind?

Hotels on park place, and QUICKLY..............

not happening. My YS is kicking my butt. It's good for him.

I like hearing him laught at destroying me.