we will:

I think you are both on the right track. Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. That was probably the hardest thing for both of us. She wanted it to never have happened, I wanted it to be over. Once we realized that neither of us could change what had happened and we both just had to play the cards that were dealt, our focus did turn to the future even though we both occassional regress...her into her guilt, mine into resentment..but time lapsed combined with absolute radical honesty and accountability from both of us has contributed greatly to our marriage.

Do not ever question your decision to come clean. Trust me, he may not have known exactly what happened, but he knew something was amiss. You cannot begin your personal recovery if you are still carrying around your dirty little secret.

Keep the communication lines open, continue to try and understand what he is feeling and thinking, and work hard to meet his EN and you will find that it becomes very easy to get the love bank out of overdraft status.

Good luck and keep utilizing this board. It was an immense help to me just to have others similarly situated that I could discuss things with.

NT

WWS,

I'm just now getting back to answering your questions from a few posts ago. I think you are doing all the right things to help your BS and recover your marriage. I wish my FWW were as enthusaiatic about R as you seem to be.


We are also in the GCC but that covers a lot of ground. Why don't you send an e-mail to the moderator Justuss and I will too and then you can e-mail me off the forum and find out if we are in the same place. I know people traveling around the GCC all the time so it shouldn't be impossible to get the books to you. I've got a feeling we are next door in a country sort of way.


We are progressing is the way I'd put it. Mrs. Hurt is kind of feeling her way through all of this sort of tentatively which I understand is normal. She says she only wants to be married to me but she keeps holding something back that she is not willing to disclose to me. She insists it has nothing to do with A but has me guessing continuously.

If you want to reassure your BH, try to be as forthcoming and completely honest with him as you can and he wants. He'll be wracked with doubts about now and questioning everything he ever thought he knew about you. The only way you can help him is with openess and honesty.

You are getting some really great advice from the other posters on your thread. If you follow their advice, you will have the best chance to restore your M, IMO. Let me know if I can help with the logistics.

WWS,

I hope you and BH are okay and working on your recovery. I've e-mailed the list moderator JustUss and she has my e-mail address for you to contact me off the list or if you are more comfortable with working through her we can do it that way. Mrs. Hurt and I have almost read all the books, so I guess we can give you ours and I can order more. We have been over here a long time (decades), so we aren't so concerned about having the Harley's books shipped in. I just did it two months ago without any problems. The folks here are mostly concerned with pornography and there is obviously nothing pornographic about the Harleys' books.

YapJacks still work here but I've heard they started restricting sales of new ones. I can lend or sell you mine if that will help you with reaching the Harleys for MC, again if we can work out the logistics. I think I would have gone bonkers without help from SH.

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HurtAfter30Years

Hi WWS,

Welcome to MB!

Your statement really jumped out at me and I'd like to comment on it from the perspective of a BH.

From your posts here, it appears that you are doing all of the right things that you need to do in order to help your H work through this... That is great! Keep it up and don't get discouraged...

One of the hardest things for me to deal with was the loss of innocence in my M with Mrs. RIF. I know that you wish that you could turn back the clock and undo everything, but you can't. One of the things that you can really help your H with is by letting HIM know that YOU know how deeply you've wounded him.

You will not be able to replace the innocence that you gave away, but it is possible to build new, different, and yes, better memories. I don't say this to punish you or to be mean, just to let you know that you and your H must work through this loss... any attempts by you to "regain" the lost innocence will most likely be met with more pain by your BH.

Semper Fi,

RIF

wws,

Are you okay? Just checkin' in.