MIzz,
May I offer a suggestion. Obtain some of Dr. Harley's books and you both read them, then IF the idea of reconcilliation makes sense proceed with a plan to rebuild this marriage.
I am sure your H was hurt when you asked him to leave as you were with his AO's. But, recovery comes to those that recognize where improvement can occur and develop a plan to not only improve but support and help their spouse as well.
Harley's work is in fact somewhat unique, but what seems to me to make it so powerful is the recognition of the human beings need to have certain EN's met and how love develops, through doing and receiving things from another person. Most often kindness and grace are the key things.
But, with his EN questionaire you can develop a plan to make this marriage work and better. Harley's subscription to the concept of a plan often appeals to us guys and it makes things much clearer because the plan must be made with the policy of joint agreement, and radical honesty and it should meet Harley's four rules for a good marraige.
It must suit both of you and it must NOT require a sacrifice on either of your parts. I always felt that sacrifice was a bad plan unless it was discussed and approved by both parties including how this sacrifice could be acknowledged and eventually valued in a marriage. He feels one should POJA, policy of joint agreement, even a divorce.
Please read about these things on this site, and discuss them with your H. Reconcilliation should occur when you both have developed a real plan to improve your marriage in a way that makes both of you happy.
I hope he is open to your thoughts toward reconcilliation.
God Bless,
JL
