I wish someone would forward that to my WW. If I was not in plan B I would do it myself.

Long time married.

So sad.

I watched "Love Actually" last night too. Cried my eyes out. Maybe I'll cut & paste that article & email it to WS.

LostBoy - My ex and I raised 8 kids together. We were a very close knit family. He replaced me with the OW at all of the family gatherings, and everything just fell apart. He took the OW to his daughter's home for trysts in the beginning.

His daughters are married and 3 out of the 5 have already cheated on their husbands.

Then there were his brothers and sisters, their spouses, their kids, my sister, and my parents. Everyone was hurt.

The OW abandoned her husband while he was fighting in Iraq, and her 12 year old daughter.

A divorce isn't just something between a husband and wife.

No it certaintly isn't.

LASunshine:

I know "Love Actually" can really pull that emotional chord, especially when you're stuck in a place where your S or WS has walked away, but the thing I like about it is the message that "Love Actually is All Around". Even though you don't feel that love from your significant other, there are many other types of love all around you...family, friends, etc.

I actually slipped a DVD of the movie and a CD of the soundtrack into a present for my X at her parents' house where she was staying, along with a card saying that I was hoping we could move forward with a better cooperative relationship for the kids sake, and that I gave her the DVD in case she wanted to continue with the tradition we had been following for the last several years on Christmas Eve, but X gave them back to me this morning when I picked up the kids and said something like "I'm going to be doing my own thing now...thanks."

I didn't expect anything less.

Anyway, hope your Christmas Day was better than Christmas Eve.

Thanks,

LoBoy

LoBoy,

I posted my "short" version for you on my thread. It was a little longer than "short" but it was good therapy to write it. I hope you will read.

I hope that we all have a better New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

Believer, I know that your X is back at you, but just wondering if he has expressed any remorse, any apology for screwing everything up, any regret for all of the family damage etc.??? Was there ANY acknowledgment that maybe he did something wrong????

Bump for Believer...

Oh, yeah, ChaiLover. But the way he says he is sorry DISGUSTS me. He does it in a "poor me" way - that he F'd up, he is no good, blah, blah, blah.

I just wondered because I can't recall that you ever said anything about it. Sounds like he didn't acknowledge the hurt that he caused YOU. It's always about them I guess....

Yep, and he thought he could just waltz right back after five years, and things would continue like they were before.

He was driving me crazy, but has tapered off for the last 4 days.

You have to wonder about it. I mean after 5 years, did he suddenly realize that he really did love you or what? I just wonder what goes on in those heads of theirs. I guess they think that we should be happy as a clam to have them back. Honored that they came back or somehting. For some, I know that they realize what a horrible thing they did, but others...I just don't know.

Chai -
I do think my husband loved me. And he knew that I loved him. The only way I can explain it is that he was like an addict. As long as there was contact, there was no hope for the marriage. I was just out of his life.

He and OW split up, and after 7 months of withdrawal, he is back. Or thinks he is.

Believer,

Oh, I'm sure he loves you. You can't raise 8 kids with someone and not love them. Too much bonding that goes on there. I guess what I meant was how they suddenly realize it after 5 years. I guess I don't understand the whole A thing. Don't they grow to love the OP too, just like they did us at one time. Can they ever get over the OP?

Just thinking. Don't know the answers....

Oh, Chai, they get over the other person fairly quickly. My ex used to go on and on about how wonderful the OW was. Now he has NOTHING good to say about her.

Believer,

You've been at this a lot longer than I have. Even though it has been a year, I'm still trying to figure it all out. And maybe I shouldn't even try to figure out the wayward mindset. I may drive myself nuts. I think that your WH is proof that D does not buy happiness.

I honestly don't think my WH will return, but I don't think that he will be happy either. I just don't think that you can be M for 35 years and just pretend it didn't exist. My WH is a creature of habit. I think about simple things, silly things, like the way we fold towels. I doubt Op folds them like we do. So he will have a lot of years of M habits to undo.

Frank Pittman advises that the BS just go do something else for a year or two and wait for the affair to end. He thinks that all the drama causes the BS to fall out of love. Kind of like Plan B, I guess.

Oh Chai,

I so hear your pain tonight. {{{{{{{{{Chai}}}}}}}}

I am so there with you. It can only be an addiction that they can't get away from. My DD asked my WH if he was happy and he said no, but he won't come home.

Once the A ends, think about it. That OP will be the reminder of what he did to you and your family. I have much less time into this as you do. And I certainly am not experienced enough to tell know for sure. BUT there can't be any possible way they could love that person like us.

We are their spouse. We are the ones they promised to love forever and raised a family with. Their relationship with OP is completely based on lies. Our lives were joined together in love and by G-d.

I don't know if I am explaining it correctly, but does that make sense?

They THINK they love them and for sure they CAN CONVINCE themselves they love them. But love is beautiful and grows from trust, etc.

They live in a fantasy. A sad fantasy that is destroying other people.

I so hear about the creature of habit. I miss those things most of all. I don't believe that if the real H saw this person on the street, they would even recognize them.

I am thinking of you. It's cold tonight and I am bored and restless. Not a good combination. Not to mention, WH wants the camera back again. I just need it for the weekend and then I am pretty much home free from it until February. What gives with this darn camera.

Hey Skins,

I know all of the things you say are true, but it's just hard to believe.

In your case, I doubt that your WH is happy. Right now though, he is getting his needs met by both of you so life is good. He has two women chasing him and what could be better? When you finally slap him with a Plan B, he'll realize what he will miss. Especially if he can't see the kids as much. Think how boring life will become - he'll go home from work everyday to someone who has no outside life to talk about.

In my case, the only EN I was providing was domestic support. He needed me around to take care of that damn house, but now that it's gone I have no role to play. That however, is one area that I know OP can't meet. Our house always looked like something from H&G. I love beautiful surroundings and nice things. My taste is way too expensive for my budget too which sometimes was a little bit of a problem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. But....that isn't something men put a high importance on, and my WH will settle into a loss less quite nicely. He always said that stuff didn't matter to him.

Anyway, give your WH the camera back. Sounds like his hobby, and you know how stingy they can be with their hobby stuff.

You on New Year's Eve?? I was going to go visit friends, but may not be able to work it out so I'll probably be on here looking for someone to party with.....