Long story, short... Found out about husband's affair in August. It was very serious and he said he wanted a divorce. He left for 2 days, came back home and said he wanted to work it out. I find out 2 mths later that he was still seeing her and he told me he wanted a divorce and wanted to be with her. He moved in with her for 2 nights, then left to stay with his grandparents. During this month and a half he was gone he called me & texted everyday, saying how sorry he was, how he loved me and how he was going to get himself straight. He was a totally different person. He moved back home after Thanksgiving. I wasn't 100% sure I wanted it but I figured I'd try. He called me all day long to tell me where he was(he travels in his truck all day), showed me affection and he acted so happy. Well one night he just seemed different.

Not sure what but he just had a vibe. I put a gps tracker on his truck secretly just to make sure he wasn't lying. One week went by and he told me he was going hunting. The gps told me he was on his way to her house so I called him and told him I knew (didn't tell him abt gps) he immediately came home and he admitted he was seeing her but it wasn't like it was before. He said he was trying so hard to be a better person but he had no willpower and he knew she was an escape from reality and that he could never be with her and be happy. He also said he knows he could not live without me and be happy.

This past saturday he met her and got all his stuff back and told her he was never leaving me and that he loved me. I noticed he deleted her # from his phone too. Last ngt I checked his phone and she had sent him a text "I can't stand the heartache anymore. Goodbye & I wish you the best. I'll never forget" I asked him abt it and he said it was over and he made his choice to be with me and while he did love her he believed it would go away with time and that he knew for sure he'd never get over losing me. He even agreed to let me leave the gps on his truck to prove he isn't lying. I don't know what to do b/c I really trusted him last time and he hurt me again. What do you guys suggest? I need alot of help. Thanks.

Affairs suck, no doubt about it lb29. There's alot of good things going on in your situ though. He's making himself accountable, and it sounds like he is remorseful. It sounds like he's in withdrawal from her but its good that he recognizes it.

I would suggest you start with filling out the Emotional Needs surveys and Love Busters Questionairre on this site, purchase Surviving an Affair and I would suggest a book entitled "How Can I Forgive You" as well, it helped my W and I alot.

Sorry you find yourself here but you've come to a good place to learn about how to build a healthy marriage and recover from infidelity. Its a tough road but it is possible! Keep posting, we'll help as much as we can!

You were dealing with Withdrawal symptoms. That's why he was "giving in" to the urges to contact her.

You will also be dealing with Withdrawal symptoms now, since he has "officially pulled the plug" on the affair. So now ACCOUNTABILITY for time will be the "most important" first step in recovering your marriage.

Get the book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley if you don't have it yet and read it.

Learn what Emotional Needs are, how to know what they are for each of you, which are the more important ones for each of you, and how you can each begin to focus on meeting each other's most important EN's.

Keep posting. Things will be quite rocky emotionally for some time, so lean on the folks here on MB who "have been where you are now." Experience is a "great teacher," even when the "lessons" have been very difficult.

God bless.

littlebit,

I'm hearing more good than bad in your situation. FH is right about the withdrawal.....long term entrenched affairs seem to be more difficult to end abruptly, but it can be done....and it sounds like your husband wants to do it. One of the ongoing challenges you'll have to face is that your husband's profession requires him to be away from home and unfortunately, that makes it much harder to resist the temptation of affairs. Would he consider a change in jobs?

Thanks for the post so far. I have read the books when I first found out and I changed alot of my ways b/c at the time I believed it was all my fault that he had an affair. I even let him read about the withdrawal stuff and he told me that this last time she kept calling him and he finally broke down and answered. That's when he said he had no willpower. Unfortunately he is a timber buyer and he has to go look at tracts of timber everyday. It is certainly not an office job and he said for me to leave the gps on his truck and I asked him about what happens when you leave your truck somewhere for a long time and have someone pick you up - he said come check on me b/c you will know where I am.

Problem is that he had another fling while we were married and I found out abt it from the OW. He said he found women to be his escape from reality and he was going to try his best to not be in places where this can happen. He met both girls at a bar. We had a very seperate lifestyle during our marriage & this gave us a breeding ground for an affair to happen now that I look back at it.

I just am emotionally exhausted and I'm afraid I'm starting not to care anymore. I don't think he's going to be able to stop the urge to see her. They have been seeing each other for 2 years.

You can only control you littlebit. Its probably the hardest thing for us BS to truly grasp.

I look at it this way: if my W is going to stray again, I want it to happen RIGHT NOW. I don't want her to, but if its going to happen, it means I need to get a divorce and get away from an obviously failed marriage.

Things is, its ALWAYS "Right now". It does no good to worry about it. I want to do what I can to be the best spouse I can be, I want to have the best marriage I can. I know I made mistakes, but my eyes are wide open now, and I know what I need to do to fulfill my end of the marriage. I am still learning how to best do that. The other 1/2 of the marriage is my W's to deal with. There are certain things I will NEVER be able to do, one of those things is making her choose to never have an A again. If she does, I can respond, and will. That is now my boundary, and it is completely and utterly inflexible and she knows this and I think believes it.

All you can do is your 1/2.