Hello to anyone who remembers me, and hello to all you new folks. I hate that there are so many new folks.<P>I wanted to give some encouragement and most of all hope to all of you in the terrible throws of infedility. Hang in there! Here's my short version:<P>My H had an affair with a co-worker, four months long. It was hell. He denied it till the bitter end. He became terribly depressed, wanted a divorce, moved out....the whole schabang! Meanwhile I am going through hell and back myself. I posted here so much! Got tons of help from dear K, Terri, HGB...love you guys...and the best advice was to "take care of yourself". I did not want to hear that, all I wanted to hear was...how exactly can I het my husband back!<P>Guys, all I can say is hang in there! My husband, God love him, has been back home for six months and all I can say is "life is good!" Like REALLY good. You cannot imagine! The things he says to me, the support, the love, the willingness to work through all this is tremendous.<P>The secret...I fianally did listen to everyone and worked on ME! Yep, I followed the Harley's plan, counseled with Steve (GREAT man) and did what I had to do. Basically I said to myself, "Sally, either you change and fix what needs fixin' in yourself or you are going to be divorced and miserable". Yes, I had the choice, to not take him back. But where would I be now? Alone with two kids. I realized that this wasan opportunity for me to grow and to have a one in a million marriage. I took that leap of faith, and whala...look what I got!<P>gang, hang in there and use this for the greatest possible opportunity for growth. Embrace it and you will be rewarded. I never want to go back to where I was, but that road brought me to the greatest place I have ever been.<P>I still look in on all you guys, and I think about you a lot. Thank you to all who have helped me, you'll never know what a difference you've made in my life.<P>Love always,<BR>Sally<P>------------------<BR>You will be stronger because of this.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Sally (edited August 17, 1999).]

Sally,<BR>Boy , did I need to hear that today. My h just left, claiming he doesn't love me, can't come back home, blah, blah, blah. I am so frustrated right now, I could scream. We go to court next week, to determine who gets what. Uck! So, how did you do it? How did you start taking care of yourself. I thought I was getting there, but now I have no clue. Your story is an inspiration. Thanks for posting it.<BR>cc ( one of the new ones)

ceecee<BR>Hi<BR>First of all I got on antidepressants! BIG help. Then I stopped focusing, tried my hardest at least, on him and her. I would not allow him to come and go as he pleased, most of the time anyway. I began working out at the gym, got my hair done, bought some new clothes and just generally started thinking about ME for a change.<P>My H noticed almost immediately! I stopped nagging him, avoided all those dreaded love busters, and really knew that I was going to be OK if we did end up divorced. It was soo hard, I had times when I just wanted to die, for real. <P>About your situation, try to pt off the divorce as long as you can. Stall. Tell him you are wanting to make you marriage work and are willing to do whtever it takes to do it. BUT...make sure you do have good legal counsel. Just be prepared and take care of yourself.<P>Really read everything you can her and do seek counseling for you! Steve is wonderful for marriage and YES you can talk with him alone. You can have marriage counseling with only one partner,<P>Good luck!!<P>I'll be thining of you<P>------------------<BR>You will be stronger because of this.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Sally (edited August 17, 1999).]

Sally, thanks, I needed to hear that too. I know I need fixed. I know I need to get my eyes off H and work on me. Not sure how to do it. But I'm really messed up. H and I were, I thought, doing better untill OW moved across the street. Now worse than ever. If I don't get help I think I will end up divorced again. Not what I want, but don't want to be feeling like the doormat either. Don't want to love bust either. Who is Steve? Maybe can help me. Thanks Ginn

Thanks it always helps to hear a good success story. My biggest hope is that in some point and time I can come on here and give somebody else the hope you have just given me. Thank You so much!

Ginn7777<BR>Steve is Steve Harley, son of Willard Harley, the founder of this MArriage Builders and all that it entails. Steve is a marriage counselor who counsels over the phone. You can go to the "counsel" section here and set up an appointment. He really is wonderful and so helpful. His fees are very reasonable, about the "going rate". If there is a thearpist there where you are you might consider that as well. But Steve is very sound in his theories and has counseled HUNDREDS of couples into successful situations. <BR>Good luck!<P>Crazy..hang in there!

Sally,<P>It's good to see you popping in and letting us know that things are going well.<P>Congrats!!!

It's so good to hear success stories, it give me hope.....

Sally Thank you so much for your post. I've been so discouraged through all of this mess. I posted this morning with the request to hear a success story and I'm so happy to hear your's. All of this will be worth it if we can make our marriage stronger in the long run. Please continue to post here and keep us updated. May God bless you.

Thanks Sally!<P>We love to hear stories like that - we need to hear stories like that. <P>I am currently hanging on to hope - that keeps me from being a basket case. <P>Thnaks! <P>------------------<BR>H

You all can do it! the power is within you. And this I promise...you will be better off for havng been through this...you will never be the same again...IF you take it for what it is worth, a wake-up call to reality. Your marriage might not survive, but you will. And for that you will rejoice. <BR>Best of luck to you!<P>------------------<BR>You will be stronger because of this.<BR>

Wonderful Sally... it's my first day posting here and it's so nice to start with this amidst all the other "tales of woe" on here. I know I'm headed into at least separation so I'm buckling up for the ride... I've cried so much lately I can't imagine where the tears come from. Thanks for the "good news" and the hope that it brings to us all.