Hi,
I'm new here & I need help.
I have been with my husband for 9 years & registered the marriage last year. We are planning to hold the customary wedding next year. However, of late, it seems that things are falling apart & i really dont wish for it to happpen.
I'm very insecured with hubby.
I'm so afraid that he'll betray me while he's out & I end up controlling him, not wanting him to go out with his friends. I go crazy when he's out drinking, perhaps i dont like the idea of him drinking in pubs/nightclubs.
Because of all these issues, he lies to me at every single thing cause he doesnt want me to question him & start a fight. Of the 7 days in a week, he's been staying in my house for 6 days & only allowed to go out on boys night out for a day a week.
I cant seem to trust him because of all those small lies & in his line of work where he needs to go entertainment in pubs.
Now he wants all his freedom back & thinks that he wont change & have nothing to change...am i the one that is wrecking the relationship here?
I do not know how to trust him, & i snoop at every thing i can get my hands on. help...

Your actions are reflections of your own insecurities, and have nothing to do with him. Only when you can come to grips with your own issues about yourself will you be able to 'release' him to live his half of your marriage. If you do not work on yourself, you will lose him.

Do some counseling on your own to find out why you cannot trust him to be the person you supposedly trust him to be and love him for being.

Would you expect him to be as distrustful of you? Do you deserve to be shadowed and followed and questioned? If not, then why does he?

Once you start treating him as you want him to treat you, it will fall in place and he will give you no reason to worry about him. But you have to trust and respect him first.

Love starts with oneself. So take time to find out what the root cause of the insecurities and why it exists - it will remain an issue no matter who we are with if we don't know what triggers it and why it dominates our lives.

Lies and alchohols ... these are not good signs for a healthy relationship ... should marriage enters into it knowing they are some of the current obstacles...

A good counselor will help sort out the root of insecurity and work on it before tieing the know.. otherwise, your problem will be compounded and much harder to deal with.

Marriage requires lots of work.