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Still have a movie making question for GF. Are you out there?

Hey GF....are you still making movies?

I have a few questions now about Nero. Have you ever used it?

Was it you or EPH525 who said you have used Roxio.

If so how do you compare Microsoft Movie Maker with Roxio?

Thanks,

Ace

Well- I read Marriage builders a lot. There are problems in my marraige, and a huge betrayal- but not an affair. I find TONS of advice on recovery helpful.
I wish that there was more for "just plain betrayed spouses."

The recovery concepts are universal- and I would not be married today if I had not learned that recovery takes YEARS, not weeks.

Hi Barbicat,


I read your thread about your husbands strange penchants. I think MizzJ might be right about him having an obsessive compulsive disorder in his affinity for different women.

I have been betrayed often in non-affair areas of our marriage due to my husbands habit of lying 'just for the adventure of getting away with it.'

Ultimately, that's what drove his affair. He started an EA in 2006, stopped it when he did not like the sound of her voice when he asked her to call him. He got away with it and never planned to tell me. (Story of our detached marriage attached to the link in my sig line.)


I applaud you for trying to find resources to make your marriage better. This site does have great concepts and principles for any relationship, not just marriages.

Because ours deteriorated when I gave up trying to force him to change, my H had another affair he THOUGHT he could control like the first one in 2006. But he was addicted within the first phone call because they:

* were both liars
* lacked self esteem
* had poor boundaries
* were insecure in their marriages
* justified that they deserved happiness with each other because their spouses were too judgemental
* did I mention that they were both liars?

Barbicat, are you certain without a doubt that your H has not had an affair or at least an inappropriate interaction that gives him liberty to act on these obsessions without consideration for any repercussions?

Regarding your desire to have help for just plain 'betrayed spouses' who have not had an affair....I think the chances are quite possible that your H may have had (or is having) one but you may just not know about it.

My H's lies eventually got him fired when his 'luck' ran out. I had to work 3 jobs while he tried to find work after he was blackballed from his profession....that's when he was looking for a new job but found OW online.

The behaviors you described are similar to my H's before the A's....but he never confessed or was sorry when he was caught and confronted.

Unfortunately, he has forgotten many things now...it's been 35 years since we met and nearly 34 since we married for the wrong reasons. (No, he knows I did not love him but only felt I was being left behind.....at 19 years old!)

Our story is very strange, but in a way, that's why I can relate to where you are coming from.

I suggest that you keep posting and asking questions, Barbi.....I'll post to your thread later on.

Best wishes,

Ace

....Not sure if you saw this reply, but if not, I thought you might see this subtitle in the index. I'll try to look for your thread(s).

Ace

This has been the most challenging 6 months of my life for many reasons.

The one things I've learned and remembered as I've endured many of life's trials (including life & death, work and play) is this phrase:

Focus on the things I can control.

In others words, if it's out of my control, let it go.

This has not only helped in our marriage recovery, but in relationships and projects and challenges in other aspects of my life.

Ace

Yes, that is one of those things I've also learned.

Don't try to control something that's not yours to control. Don't try to fix a mess you didn't create UNLESS you are asked to help.

I've also learned patience. 6 months is no longer a long time to me. Cooleridge said something about if you see a problem on the distance, the best course of action is to wait. 90% of the time the problem will disolve, morph or change course before it reaches you.

Ace, I hope the next 6 months are better.

Oh my gosh, Greengables. I dug to find this thread only to see you posted to it and I didn't answer. I am sooooo sorry.

My reason for finding it is now similar to what you've been sharing on the After Divorce forum.

I too was recently devastated by the death of a very close family member who I took time to be with 24/7 in the end. (I can't share more specifics via post for privacy reasons.)

Yesterday, something happened in my life that took every ounce of courage (and MB concepts I've learned over the months) to endure. I looked up this thread to vent/share about it here.

Maybe something you shared with me back there will also help you now.


Thank you so much for your post and your concerns for me.

I'm now striving for patience, waiting for the hurt to subside, and for the memory triggers to diminish, and for the healing of the hole in my heart to begin.

It's been nearly 5 months and gradually it is getting easier to endure. Posting on MB and making an occasional contribution to someone hurting from infidelity has been helpful. It's also one of the reasons I try to keep the light-hearted humor and silliness of the recovery forum Vacation thread going, too.

In addition to helping us recover our marriage, MB has been an outlet for re-focusing my pain on trying to alleviate the pain of others.

It appears for you, GG, that MB is now a resource for healing in your situation, too.

I'll be praying for you. I never thought about an online grief support group, but maybe I should find one, too.

Thanks, again for your post, Greengables and I'm so sorry I didn't see it to reply sooner.

Ace