I did pretty well today. I didn't cry all day long but I was really nervous. I really didn't expect him to come by, even though he said he would (with his brother to cut up the tree the hurricane blew over). I decided, well, why not. He had already gotten his anniversary card(Friday) so I might as well fix a nice dinner. <P> Got a friend visiting from cross country, so we pulled out all the stops. After a few glasses of wine (to calm the nerves, you see, I was jumpy all day) we managed to get a great dinner prepared for the guys once they finished working in the yard. When he came in, he found me in the living room talking to BIL and gave me a big hug and told me "Happy Anniversary". Said he had a card for me too, but he left it in his car (rode here w/ BIL) and would have to mail it. But I'll mail it first thing tomorrow, he said. You'll know it's coming. <P> We ate (he complimented, so did BIL and I was charming mostly because I was a little high) and then we all talked and told stories around the table for a couple of hours. He seemed pretty comfortable. Got another hug before he left and he said they'd be back as soon as they could to help w/ more yard work. I told them I'd feed them anytime they wanted to help. BIL said he had the next week free (LOL) and h just laughed.<P>He's gone now and I'm very sad. First time I cried all day, but I cried as soon as he walked out the door. I miss him. Wish my daughter would go to bed, need to cry big for a little while.<P>I guess that's all. Nothing really good or bad to report unless I'm missing something through these tears. Thanks for listening.

Hugs Lostva-<P>I wish I could give you a real kind hug in person-I know you could use it right now. Boy can I relate to what you are feeling. I am sorry you are sad but let me compliment you on a fine performance! I think you handled yourself very well and I am proud of you. Go take a bubble bath and read a good book And while you are doing all that remember there are people out there who think you are special!!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

Ya done good!<P>Take it for what it was... a very good day, really. <P>Get the daughter to be, and Go jump in that bubble bath! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Happy Anniversary Lori!<BR>Hang in there! You did great

Thanks,guys. <P>Heartache - thanks a lot. I think we did ok. Had a good time anyway and haven't a clue why I cried when he left. Oh, I guess I really do, but I wish I could save these tears for some of the worst times.<P>NB - yes, I think it was a good day. I've been dreading it for the last month and I guess I made it through pretty well. Thanks. It's late - guess I'll settle for a shower in the am and the bubble bath for the weekend. (He's supposed to try to come back on Sat or Sun btw)<P>WS - You feelin' better? I'm hangin', you know me. The best I can. Not a SINGLE lb tonight either. Told a lot of old memory stories, he'd start, I'd chime in and vice versa. Wonder if he really has a card? He didn't have to say anything - I wasn't. (ok, well I might of, but I would have made it funny anyway. We'll see. Thanks a lot for reading and letting me know you're there. <P>lori

Happy Anniversary Lostva....I'm glad that your H stopped by to see you...

lostva - I want to hug you too! I know how hard it is to feel good about yourself! Definitely appreciate the "need to be high" really to function on social occasions. (I have slipped a fair amount of vodka into my supposedly pure cranberry juice just to be able to tolerate guests verbally over dinner. So I do know about that!) I want to cry with you, our situations are so sad. But I have to say, if my W wants to go, I AM goig to let her go. I think each of us in this kind of situation has to say this. Much of the time, if we do (I feel) our spouses will back down and stay. I surely do hope! R & B,<P>--Wex

Hi Lostva -<P>Happy Anniversary!!!!!<P>You did GRRRRRREEEEAAAATTTT!!!!<P>That sounded like a fantastic time...sitting around after a wonderful meal and remembering the great old times....geez - by the time I get to do that with my H, I won't remember them anymore!!!! LOL!!!<P>MAJOR LOVE DEPOSITS!!!!!!<P>Lori - you've go a retirement fund building up in that old bank!!!! LOL!!<P>Why you cried?....Pick an emotion - any emotion!!! Sadness, relief, lonliness, concern for him, and so on, and so on!!<P>Told you that you need to "feel" a couple of times a week, remember? Today was one!!! Plus it's your Anniversary!<P>BIG HUGS to you and you also get an ATTAGIRL!!!!!<P>Sheba<P>PS Make sure to let us know what PI says when you hear anything!!!<P>

NT - Thanks. All in all, could've been a MUCH worse day.<P>Wex - You're sounding pretty good. Thanks for the thoughts and the extra hug! MIL keeps saying "Lori, please just ASK him to come home". I tell him I love him, believe in him, support him and forgive him, but I've never said "Would you?" Driving her crazy. Got to be his time though, don't you think? Let's hope BOTH our spouses get their heads on straight really soon!<P>Sheba - Thanks! I've been dreading this day it seems like FOREVER!!! Figured I might as well give it a shot, nothing to lose, right? Thanks for being proud of me - I've been a nervous wreck. But we pulled it off.<P>Held up on PI for a little while. Found out she'll be 23 this month. <P>OH, yeah, I haven't updated you guys....no one had seen her in more than a month (Kinda makes sense when you tell someone they're not welcome - yeah in-laws!), so when H asked if he could take her by MIL's on Sunday, she was curious and said OK. They weren't out the door before she was calling me. "5-6 months if she's a day!! So, it's NOT his, Lori!!" MIL have this difference of opinion - actually I'm the only one who thinks they may have slept together a few months back. All his friends adn family say no way, she was living w/ her bf then anyway. Problem is, she's getting so much grief that H made her take 2 pg tests so far and told her he wanted to SEE it. She took them, told him the results were negative. "Where is it?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot and threw it away!" and "I was too anxious to wait for you to get here!" He hasn't seen the results yet - she just keeps telling him she's not. <P> Anyway, all we know now is that she had some other reason for leaving hs since she wasn't preggo w/ daughter (she's only 2) and we thought paternal gp's had partial custody b/c of her young age (minor) when wee one was born, but she was 20/21 so......wonder why? H finally told his mom the attorney was so Sweetie could get full custody of her daughter, but, even after all the money, he didn't think she stood a chance. Funny, you'd think if she wanted full custody she wouldn't take the chance of living w/ a married man. And you know mom, she thinks she wants to LOSE custody (pretty lousy mom from what they say - though they are prejudiced) and have one more thing to blame H for and hold him to her (now I've lost EVERYTHING.) Oh, and her old roommate and her bf have moved back in the house w/ them.<P>Interesting statement from H to mil. "I asked Sweetie if I stayed and helped her out w/ the expenses for a while, how much could she put in the bank to save each month. She figured a couple of hundred. I asked her if she wouldn't like to save a little money so that she and d could have a place of their own and not have to rent." MIL latched on to that one - not w/ him Lori!!!! I swear, she may be 70, but I'm gonna have the heart attack!!!!<P><BR>I still don't believe he actually came last night. Friend from CA hadn't seen him in a year. One thing she noticed, even during laughing and story telling, was anger. "Even when he's smiling, there's so much anger in H that you can almost feel it. It's not like him at all. Feels like he's gonna explode any minute."<P>Thanks for being there, guys. I'll keep you posted.<P>Lori

I just can't understand this. How much more rock-bottom does your H need to hit before he wakes up from his La La Land??<P>He obviously isn't happy and that snake, "Sweetie," is such baggage!<P>Hang in there....

NT - Thank you! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way. Told his mom he'd be at her house tonite to work on some things she needed done. When she told him not to push himself since he was at my house the night before, he said "No, it's ok. The more I work the less I worry." Ya know, I think I have this all figured out. If I lose this man, it won't be because of her, it'll be because of pride. Don't know how to handle that.

Hey Lori, I'm back!<BR>Sounds like it's going good. Just be paitent. Being paitent has become my middle name lately. I'll write ya later.<P>Love Jill

Hey Crazy - please write me. I need to talk to you.<P>Lori

Hey, lostva! Happy anniversary a day late! You did really great, and I'm proud of you for fixing a nice dinner for all of you! It sounds like you turned a sad day into a celebration of sorts. I know how hard it was for you to have him leave when the dinner was over, though. I had a day like that on Saturday, when the tears just wouldn't stop.

Animac - thanks. Had to do SOMETHING, ya know? And you're right. Watching him walk out the door ....oh well. Maybe these boo hoo days will get farther and farther apart, huh?<P>Lori