so i found out for sure he is astill in contact with ow and in fact has moved in with her. he claimed he moved to a friends house due to a fight he had with the drunken family member who called me. this whole time i wanted to believe, i so did that he just needed space. i knew deep down that something was up but dammit i wanted to believe so much that he could be different.

it sucks and it hurts so bad that i am so easily replaceable in his life. i tried to do a good plan a, not sure i did because of all the pain and anger i had but i know i need to do a good plan b. it was short and simple and had to be email since i have no clue where he lives.

i am hurting but i know it just gives me time to really work on me.

he sucks.

I don't know much about your situation, but, it seems that it's time for you to study Plan B and may need to use it soon.

utb,

I went back and read some of your posts....and it sounds like you're not in Plan A or B.....just "Plan Idon'tknowwhattodo". I can sure understand your confusion....but you can't "kinda" do either of these plans and expect them to get good results. I hope you haven't jumped in to Plan B already.....but please explain a little more clearly where you are and what you've accomplished so far. I'm sorry you're hurting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

oh i am in it officially 12/26/07. i sent the email and it just sucks cuz right now i want to take it all back and talk to him but i can't, it will hurt too much. the anger is gone, i can honestly say i don't hate him, for awhile i did. it saddens me he cant see how their "friendship" cause such damage but i know i have no control so i hang on to the love i have and make me a better me.

i did a plan a before i started posting. like i said it wasn't perfect but there was no yelling or arguing from my side. i did give him a timeline which i should not have done. we would go out on dates and talk on the phone. once he went on his trip, which now i know was for her birthday i made him give me back the keys to the apt. i tried to plan b after that but i kept needing the contact. it got to the point where we could no longer talk on the phone becuase i could not talk to him without crying and he said it was too hard for him to talk to me.

the ow scans the board so i can only say so much, sorry bout that.

i can not continue speaking to him when i know for a fact he is living with her, i just can't and that i why i moved to plan b. i needed to do it for me not as a scare tatic, he has been moved out for 6 months. i also filed LS for finacial security for myself.

utb,

I don't know anybody who's gone to Plan B without some regret and fear that they will never speak to their WS again. As BSs, we don't often talk about our own "addiction" to our WSs....but there are sometimes "withdrawals" for us too. Fortunately, it is also a time when you can stop obsessing over what he is doing or what he will do. You can find alot of peace in Plan B and end his ability to have his needs met by two women. Plan B is a last ditch effort with no guarantees....but when it becomes to painful to go on....Plan B can protect the love that is left so that reconciliation is still possible when the fantasy of the affair wears off. I don't know if you should be in Plan B....but that's where you are. I would have preferred that you had the finances at least sorted out. If it was premature....it doesn't matter now because making contact after writing that letter will not help your cause.

So....talk about what you can do to move forward in your own life. Remember....Plan B is not a period of waiting...it is a period of moving forward and healing. Please resist the temptation I see so many people give in to...and don't date.

Keep posting....there are lots of people here who are in Plan B and know exactly how you feel. Sorry you're hurting.

star,
i do agree with the addiction to him, and boy do i hate it. finances are situated for the most part that was what the LS was for. i did a somewhat decent plan a for almost 3 months and the need for affection from him was too great. i never demanded anything just went along with it and it killed me to act like he was just a friend. that was one of the main reasons i tried to plan b before and somewhat failed. i felt i had to justify myself to him and then finally realized it was falling on deaf ears, he was gonna do whatever felt good and didn't make him feel guilty which is how he felt when he was with me.

he of course blames everything on me and that hurt too. i forced him to move out, i never forgave him, it would never work because i couldn't get over anything. it was all just too much for me to take.

i am moving on, i am hoping to buy a place of my own soon too, that would be exciting. and as much as my friends try to set me up, i am not going to date, unless it's one of my gal pals, but thats different. i told him that i said through better and through worse and i meant it and that i would stand by my marriage. i know it will be hard but he has to be on his own.

Yeah....selective memory and rewriting of history....a common thread among the wayward. All it means is his brain is addled right now....when the fog clears....sometimes their memory does too. Plan B will remove you as an excuse for his failings....then he'll be alone with them.

I'm glad you're sticking to the "no dating". Just because he doesn't take his vows seriously....doesn't change the fact that you're married.

Give things a chance to work....but keep moving forward with your own life. Buying a place IS exciting.

I've got to get some sleep.....just wanted to say good night and I hope things start looking up for you. Maybe the new year will be a turning point for you. g'nite.