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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 66
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Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 66 |
My husband returned from Iraq and I thought our lives would be wonderful. I have been a faithful wife taking care of everything here with the family, home and money while he was gone. Instead of appreciation, he tells me that he doesn't love me and wants to leave me. Our children are young. He loves me as a friend, but does not have the passion for me anymore. I am trying to get him help incase this is depression, but he says it is not, he has felt this way for a long time. He wants to find someone that loves him and that he feels passion. I love him more than anything - but he doesn't see that. How can I love someone that has hurt me so bad and doesn't love me? Anybody have any suggestions on next steps?
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
Sally, welcome to MarriageBuilders...
I'm sorry for your pain right now. Those words are devastating.
I really hate to say this...I think you would do well to copy and paste your post on the Infidelity General Questions II forum. I suspect your H is involved in an Emotional, possibly Physical Affair. EA/PA.
I really hope this isn't the case. The love you as a friend thing is the tip off...very close to the very common "I love you but I'm not in love with you" statement.
And the passion tip off is another.
Now...if you will read all of Dr. Harley's articles on this website, beginning with the Basic Concepts, you may well find that losing our loving feelings, especially after a long deployment, isn't unusual...very difficult to meet each others' Emotional Needs (ENs) long distance.
Doesn't mean the marriage ends...you can choose to stand for your marriage...to save it. You really can. Dr. Harley can help you do that...because we can fall in love with partners again and again. The loving feelings CAN and DO come back.
You can pick up Dr. Harley's "His Needs, Her Needs" at the library or bookstore.
We have Plans, too. Plan A...Plan B. Harley writes about them in "Surviving an Affair."
Please know you have choices...there are next steps...and you're not crazy or wrong to stand for your marriage. You'll find a lot of support over in the GQII forum, it's the busiest one here. Or in the Emotional Needs forum...if it's not infidelity.
Thank you for your commitment and bravery in posting here. You're heard. Understood. You are not alone.
((((Sally))))
LA
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