Background: My husband had a PA while he was away for military training. They were first friends, then had sex twice the last weekend he was there. He told me about it when he came home and was very sorry and emotional. He said it was "just sex" and he didn't care about her. However, they continued to contact one another by phone, email, myspace, etc. and he kept lying about it. This went on for about 6 weeks. I kept snooping and finding stuff, even exposed the A to some of their friends. He finally told her they were done about 3 weeks ago -- they are worried about getting in trouble with the military, plus he said it got way more complicated than he intended. Since then, he sent her one text message, which she didn't respond to. She sent him one this week, which I got before he did! I think the A is over now. He has given me access to his phone and his emails, and deleted his myspace, and she lives very far from here.
The problem is, he is still not sure he wants to stay with me. He says he is just taking it one day at a time. He has said that the kids and I are more important to him than anything...but he doesn't feel like he is "IN LOVE" with me (I know, they all say that). He is so confused. He always says he just wants to be alone. I know he feels a lot of guilt and doesn't want to deal with it.
Since NC (or almost NC), he has started interacting with the kids and I more again. While he was in the A, he was cold and distant, but that is getting better now. I have seen small positive changes already.
My question for you all - do I keep trying to do Plan A until he decides he wants to work on recovery? I am so anxious to start working things out!! Ending the A was a big step, but I'm frustrated that he still is not ready to work on recovery. So do you think I should continue Plan A and wait for him to be ready? Do you think the fog will lift and then his thoughts will change?
I have done some reading on these boards and it is very encouraging. I would just love some feedback on my situation. Thank you.
