FH,

I'll not comment on your 1st post to me ... I don't agree with many of your thoughts, but they're your opinions, so I'll just move on to the post quoted above.

Obviously, from what you typed, I didn't make myself clear.

********* can offer whatever marital advice they want, as they either ... have a good marriage (good marriages don't ONLY come from those recovered from A's) or as in ^^^^case, he offers advice based on his past experiences.

*** on the other hand, has/does neither. He exists in a severely dysfunctional relationship ... I don't really even think you can justify calling it a "marriage" as that would imply effort/actions from both parties ... while holding himself out as the designated "keeper" (his word) of the MB principles, even though his actions betray that moniker.

To my mind, it is CLEAR that *** is a fraud and no different from the trolls you have been attempting to chase away.

I understand that we come at these issues from opposite directions, but hopefully this will help you understand better how I view this situation, even though we may disagree on the ultimate answer.

Oh it does, MyRevelation.

You have made it abundantly clear.

"I don't agree with many of your thoughts, but they're your opinions, so I'll just move on to the post quoted above."

It is CLEAR that only YOUR "opinions" count.


"Obviously, from what you typed, I didn't make myself clear.

You made your opinions perfectly clear and I understood and disagree with them.




This has to be one of the most prejudicial and judmental things I have heard anyone post in a very long time.

HOW DARE YOU, MyRevelation, determine for everyone else what constitutes a "good marriage" and who is or is not "worthy" of posting about MB related things.

You DEFEND ***** right to post based upon his "experiences" and you deny the same right to ****?

I have news for you MR, AT LEAST **** married his wife and at least he has tried to recover his marriage and at least he has not lashed out in anger at anyone who disagree with his "opinions" ************. You seem to have some very questionable views, at the very least.

WOW ... such indignation over a simple difference of opinion regarding an annonymous 3rd party.

Possibly my assessment of***has hit a little too close to home for comfort ... I'm sorry that you are incapable of discussing differences rationally.

With that attitude ... I see no further use in either of us posting to the other.

Good Day to you, sir!!!

An excellent idea since you have no idea what a rational discussion is.




There was no "simple difference of opinion" in your statements. You deliberately ATTACKED another member and posited YOUR OPINION as incontrovertable fact.





Yes it did "hit a little too close to home" in the very same way that much of this sort of nonsense has permeated the system where YOU get to "decide" who is worthy of posting and who is not according to your own opinion. This attitude you are displaying is just more of the same that we saw being "discussed" on the now "removed" two threads, ************

And here you are threadjacking someone else's thread to continue your attacks on****
Shame on you.

Well, FH, I wouldn’t call MyRev’s posting a threadjack, because it is precisely on the topic of why couples either DO or DO NOT remain dedicated to one another.

Some couples stay together under the most unimaginably trying, and even outrageously difficult circumstances, over a whole lifetime. Other couples give up on one another because of fairly trivial differences, and after a fairly short period of time.

This is the way it is, with people deciding for themselves whether their own marriage is functional for them. We have friends with two highly autistic children, who lead a very stressful life day to day; and I’m aware that the divorce rate for couples with even one autistic child is reputedly about 80%. (The dad-runs-and-hides rate is pretty high). What can it be, if you have two? They live with pressure and anxiety day to day that seems unimaginable to me, and every day that they wake up married is a miracle. Statistically, the probability is not high, yet, here they are, together nearly twenty years.

Husbands and wives often stay together while facing cancer, or death or a child. People forgive various mistakes, sins, and sources of anguish as a couple, and they move on. They endure political havoc and turmoil, and they stay together even when no contact is possible at all. My wife’s parents were separated for years because one was locked in various DP camps. Absolutely no way to satisfy any ENs whatsoever. Yet they remained dedicated to one another.

On the other hand, I think that I’ve read that the average length of marriage for couples who divorce in the United States is about seven years (which seems like practically nothing to me). We live in a world of relative material abundance, even for the most impoverished (electricity, clean water, free education, medical care/innoculations and subsistence nourishment). People give up on each other, and on their marriages, often for the most seemingly unimportant things because of a profound sense of entitlement.

Probably there is not a person on MarriageBuilders who has not seen at least one other couple, in their lives, and said “I can’t believe they call that a marriage!” There are thousands of arrangements couples have between themselves that they find not only acceptable, but satisfying and quite loving.

I know of couples that deliberately live away from each others for years; couples that agree to no SF even though both are young and healthy, couples that agree to completely separate finances; couples that agree that no one wants children; couples that agree that arguing and degrading one another in public is A-Okay.

I wouldn’t.

And I know about couples that divorced because she didn't like the hours he worked; because he didn't like that she wouldn't change her hair; because she thought he should earn more; because he thought she should have another college degree; because she thought he didn't dress well. Most of these labeled their partners "dysfunctional."

I wouldn't do that either.

But I’m not in those marriages. I’m in my own marriage. And that’s the only one that has to be “functional” in my own eyes.

MrGGW

GGW - THAT is my point. And it is why I have "had it" with some of the members on this system who claim that right for themselves and then bash the daylights out of someone else because "someone else's" marriage doesn't "measure up to" or might not be the "same as" their own marriage or their concept of what a marriage relationship "should be."

I am not going to "argue" this with you, it's simply my opinion. I have tried "talking" with others about this, I have tried "debating" this with others, and I have recently tried the "here, here is some of your own sort of attitude right back in your face" sort of communication. NOTHING penetrates a thick skull and a hardened heart. All you get in return is mostly "gang reaction" mentality and an escalation of the "war of words." It's "surrender to our will or we will kill you." Very reminiscent of certain Middle Eastern mentality...with the same "jihadist" justification and mentality. There IS no negotiating or reasoning with them.

That "attitude" comes naturally to some and for some, like me, I have to CHOOSE to put on that attitude. It hasn't worked in reaching any of them and MR's post was just further confirmation of that. I hope the Administrators step in and do something, but I am done with "helping" others "en mass" and will severely restrict my own posting to just a few who do want to discuss, even if they don't always agree.

So allow me to "disagree" with your opinion by saying that in my humble opinion, MR's post WAS a threadjack and ONLY an attempt to follow me around and "rile up" opposition to anything I might say or any opinion I might state. The "proof" is simple, this is YOUR thread, specifically to K and myself to express YOUR opinion. It has nothing to do with MR's "opinion." But he has no compunction about stepping in with the express purpose of attacking K.

That "group" doesn't like it one bit when someone "opposes" THEIR opinions and I've been through this sort of thing several times over the past 3 years or so with several of them. They are "happy" when no one "disagrees" with their opinion and pats them on the back for how "helpful" they are (and that IS true about many of their posts), but heaven help anyone who might be on their "wrong side" of an issue or opinion.