what do you do if your spouse refuses to give up the other woman for now? My WS is having an online affair with an old friend from college. They have been talking for a few months...now he can't choose who he loves more, his wife of 5 years or his online affair of 2-3 months. I am perplexed as to what to do, stick around, wait for this to die a natural death or say, move out until you decide. Any help or advice would be appreciated but not necessarily taken!!!!

Maggiejo,

Welcome to MB. I am really a newbie myself, but I want you to know you are in a very safe place and there will be many people who will walk you through the things you can do.

I am extremely supported here and want you to know that you are NOT ALONE.

Hi maggiejo.....sorry you're here....but welcome. You've only discovered a short time ago....so please don't make in major decisions like separating. Threats and ultimata are not what you need....you need a plan. I suggest the ones in "Surviving an Affair"....Plan A and B. You can read about them on the main site. You're going to feel panicky and desperate to do something....anything....but don't. Your first order of business is to calm your heart and mind....and get prepared for a battle to get this interloper out of your marriage. You'll need courage and compassion to do that....but it sounds like you've actually discovered this fairly early....and that's an advantage. Their past relationship will complicate things a bit....but it's all fueled by fantasy....the fantasy of youth, and now the fantasy of the Internet.

Can you fill in some more details? How did you find the site?....and what information have you read? Is the OW married? What do you know about her? Are you sure it hasn't progressed to a physical relationship too?

The absolute best advice I can give you is to give the Harley's a call....and start reading the wealth of free information here. The books are really great....and explain things much more in depth....but you can get started right here.

Hang in there....I'm sorry....this is a hard time of year to deal with infidelity.

I have read very loving, "I love you" "you are my soulmate" type of e-mails. You know, describing how wronged he was in our marriage because I was never affectionate enough. Pretty standard probably. She is divorced, and very intelligent and obviously been thru a lot of therapy because she is coaching him on what he has been missing and what she can and will provide emotionally!!! Yuck! It is sorta like High school.
Things came to a head today, not sure where we are going from here...thanks for listening