It was my D who had the affair and now is back with her H. While H was in plan B, D went crazy saying she didn't want the marriage over and she wanted to work things out. SIL in couseling with Jennifer who suggested he start slowly back with D and start dating and talking. D came back to the marriage with NC but of course was broken many times. She swore she loved her H and was going to be with him a long time said sorrys and she won't hurt him like this again.

When I am with them she is very loving towards her H and the do have SF she calls him all the time, texts all the time says she loves him. They have been going to church and all seems good.

Now she is telling H that she asked GOD about divorce and was hoping he would give her a no answer but gave her a yes answer. She won't talk about it much, but I asked her if she is going to stay with her H and she said mom I am doing my best. They are currently away together for New Years for 4 days.

Is this normal for her to feel this way.

Thanks

Yesmydaughter - is it "normal?" Yes for a Wayward Spouse.

Is it "normal?" No for a believer or for someone who is not seeking ways to "rationalize" bad sinful behavior.





This is what I am talking about in the above response the the "normal" question.

There is NO WAY ON EARTH or in heaven that God will, or would, tell anyone that divorce is "okay" unless that person is the Faithful Spouse who has been betrayed by the marital unfaithfulness of their spouse. God FORBIDS adultery and God hates all divorce. ONLY the Betrayed Spouse is "given" the option of divorcing if they want to. The Wayward Spouse is NEVER given any "option" to divorce.

So let me get "tough" for a minute. Is your daughter a Christian? Is your son-in-law a Christian? Are YOU a Christian? Are your daughter and son-in-law members of a church or members of the church that "they have been going to?"

A Christian is supposed to obey God regardless of what they think or feel if such thoughts or feelings are contrary to God's commands and teaching.

Do you want biblically based advice?

Do you want advice that comes from a believer whose wife was a Wayward Spouse?

Does your son-in-law want to remain married to your daughter and recover their marriage?

How old are the two of them?
How long have they been married?
Do they have any children?

I think I'll wait before saying more until you have time to answer those critical questions.

God bless.

Yes we are all Christians and have been going to this church for many years. My D H grew up going to this church and his whole family go to this chruch.

H is 25
D is 28 they have been married 5 years and have been helping raise her H sons from a previous relantionship.

D quit going to church when is was having the affair and her H and I continued going to church. She is now going back to church and has re committed to her religion and don't know how she received this sign from GOD. H told her that God hates Divorce and that is why he is willing to save this marriage along with the fact he loves her and is willing and making changes everday to make this marriage work.

The person she is seeking advice from is a long standing memeber of this church and is repected by my D and knows what happened in the marriage. The Pastor and also the Deacons know.

We participate in Bible Studies 2 times a week as well as attend church. I know she knows that God hates divorce but she is not willing to open up to me as to what sign she got.

I am hoping that the 4 days away with her and her H over New Years will help them become closer. I am praying for them and I know that her H is also praying. My D claims she is also praying everday for guideance.

Thanks

You know, she may have told you and her H that God said "Yes" to divorce because she thinks that is an acceptable answer for your family. If God says it, well it must be okay. This is her fog talking to her, not God. God does not condone divorce, except when you are the BS. The bible is clear on that.

I think she has heard her own voice and has called it God's because it is convenient to her. Don't let her get away with that.

Somehow you must not allow this lie to become her truth by even entertaining the idea that she may have heard from God. If she is going back to church now, have her speak to the elders, who ought to set her straight. Sometimes we think we are hearing the voice of God, butit is Satan in disguise. I am sure you are all aware of that. Convincing her of it is going to be hard, because it isn't what she wants to hear.

I wish you luck.

Nina

It's typical for a WS to rationalize divorce/divorce by any possible means. It is also typical for a WS to use rationalizations that simply aren't rational. Some even resort to claiming God has told them it's OK...

IMHO she is still somewhat foggy and still in withdrawal.
If she really has stopped ocntact with the OM, in time she will stop her irrational arguments to divorce.

Also, she may be under the false impression that she really has given it her best effort, and enough time for the fog to lift; and she's assuming that because she's still wanting to divorce, then it must be what God wants for her? Does she believe that if God wanted her to stay married then God would have removed all desire for the OM/divorce from her by now? Does she understand that because addiction is involved that she will have to go through a period of withdrwawal during which she will still have the addictive desires before she can truly assess what she wants, let alone what God wants?

She is probably trying to convince herself and others that it's OK with God because she's hoping that argument might be more effective than the pursuit of adultery/divorce in defiance of God. She's hoping she can convince others to support her agenda.

Ymd - thank you for the information.

It would seem that biblical counsel and information IS relevant, so let's address the first crucial point first.





This is dishonesty. It is also "unacceptable" since she has stated that she has been told by God that divorce is "okay" for her.

So let's operate for now on the assumption that she IS a born again believer who has been "ensnared" by sin and is fighting against her flesh the same way Paul that stated that he fought against his flesh. If you'd like that particular biblical reference, let me know and I'll provide it to you.

The question you seem to be asking, however, is what can YOU do to help this situation.

The answer is perhaps "uncomfortable," but it necessary nonetheless. You MUST "press her" for precisely WHAT "sign from God" she thinks she received that would make God go against Himself. You need to know what she is thinking before you can address those "thoughts."

Also, if the person she is receiving advice from (that she respects) is a believer, then that person cannot also be an "enabler." It is also possible that that person does not have experience in dealing with adultery and recovery of a marriage that has suffered from infidelity, so how willing do you think your daughter would be to advice from someone who is both a believer and who has "gone through the fire" of infidelity?

If she is willing, I can provide you with some things that would be helpful, but she will need to read them and discuss them.

In addition, it has been my experience that not a lot of Pastors, and even fewer Deacons, have any practical counseling training for the specific needs of infidelity. Most Pastors only have general "counseling" as part of their Seminary coursework and can be thought of as (in medical terminology) "General Practice" people. They are very good at the "basics" but what is needed for severe trauma and illness is a "Specialist." Most good GP's will refer a patient to a specialist when their own expertise level is "exceeded," simply because not everyone can know everything about everything.

You daughter and son-in-law NEED to be in JOINT marital counseling with a trained counselor who is committed to both the Word of God and to saving marriages that have been devastated by infidelity.

If you would like to know if there some counselors of that type in your area I can also provide you a link to a National group that focus' on Biblical Counseling.

So, again, let's start with her "feeling" that God has told her that she can, or should, get a divorce. What it seems she is believing is the very same lie that Eve believed; "God didn't REALLY mean what He said...."


God bless.

FH is correct. God hates divorce. All divorces! Even divorces where a BS divorces a WS (yes, God hates those too....even though He ALLOWS divorce in this case, He is still not happy about it!).

As FH said, you need to press her for where this "sign" came from (I know where it came from...Satan can make "signs" happen too!). And once she tells you, you need to be ready to offer Scripture on what God really has said. From "I hate divorce", to "I never change." And then all of the verses that discuss divorce and remarriage.

If she is a believer, then she is caught up in the big lie. You will need to offer her truth, so that it might sink in and she can become free.

God never tells anyone to divorce their spouse. Even BSs!! When I was in the midst of my mess, I had someone come on here and tell me "Mortarman, if you are waiting for God to tell you to divorce your WW...you will be waiting a long time. Because He NEVER will!"

Please be ready to have the answers in place on what God has truly said.

ugh! Great advice from the others. This is nothing more than THIS <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The longer she is away from the OM, the less foggy she will become. Tell your SIL to not despair! Just be patient.

TJ...Hi Mel!

hey guy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Another TJ....Hi Mel. Boy, am I glad you're back and I know Medc is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

To try and relieve herself of some of the guilt she was feeling while she was cheating on her H with OM, she rewired herself to make herself feel it was acceptable. She still has a few loose wires.

hey mopey, great to be back! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />