WH gave me three christmas presents, why did he even do that? He gave me necklage with earrings, bracelet and a dress......Does he feel sympathy for me?

However, he also included a note in one of the presents that supposedly was sent from my 1 year old saying the following:

"My dad didn't want to buy you anything for Christmas, but I insisted that we get you something, so I decided to buy you a few gifts. My dad is currently mad because I bought you these gifts, but I know he will get over it".

that note was not necessary, why even bother getting me anything if he REALLY didn't mean to give it to me.

On Christmas eve, he called and left voice messages crying and wishing us a Merry Christmas. He told me to give our child lots of hugs and kisses, however, none for ME!

How do I take his actions? Please, someone help! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Translation:

I feel really bad sometimes about tearing our family apart for my adulterous actions with an immoral woman. Right now I feel guilty, so I need to get my BW a few things to try and stuff my guilt into the dark recesses of my mind again.

BUT...I can't just give it to her and be nice. That would get her hopes up. I have to give it in as mean a way as possible. That way maybe she will even get mad at me and give up, and I can go my way without any more of that pesky guilt.





It may take him a while to learn that this approach doesn't work. Don't worry - he's still acting normally for a WS.

Yep. And misery LOVES company!

Don't let him get to you.

I agree with Neak's translation - the WS wants the BS to get angry enough to act 'mean' so they won't feel so guilty about the adultery... and maybe even can blame the adultery on the BS being 'mean'.

Don't take the bait.

Hey Cali,

I agree with the guilt thing that everyone has been mentioning. It's weird how some WHs handle what they've done.

My WH also got me presents, though didn't use the cover of it being from my DS/DD. They were of a more practical nature (bedding and socks...the bedding was in no way romantic, but a white quilt set with pale pink flowers). He claimed it was something he would have never liked to have on the bed, but that I would, so he bought it for me.

He is the type that doesn't like to be "hated" by people (though he insists he does not care if they do.) So I assume that, like the stove I received a few months ago, this was another peace offering of sorts.

I think your WH's note may not necessarily be as mean as it seems. Some men, like my WH, use humor to diffuse a situation, even though it is highly inappropriate at certain times.

I'm quite sure that my WH has joked about certain events to cover up his embarrassment or uncomfortable feelings. Odd I know.

Maybe your WH is doing the same thing?

Cali

Glad to see other MBers get presents from their waywards too. Here I thought mine was really off the deep end -- silly me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, I agree with all that has been said. Like Saralynn, my WH is desparate to know that I don't hate him (I don't, by the way, but he chooses to interpret Plan B as a sign that I do). Even after having the affair and leaving me to live with OW, he still wants to be seen as a "nice guy". So the dogs get birthday presents in October and I get a Christmas present--even though I have not communicated with him in 5 1/2 months.

Just let it roll of your back as another crazy wayward antic--nothing more, nothing less. And have a Happy New Year.

Smartie

Hey Cali, I don't think I've posted to you before but I've been reading your thread. The Christmas gifts? Definitely a guilt thing. When my DH was WH he took OW#1 with him to do shopping for ME! She picked out two sweaters. When I found out, guess where they went? Yep. In the trash. The thing is he didn't have a CLUE that it would be hurtful to me. Especially when I found out she got jewelry. My gift was a token. Had I known about MB back then I would have gotten the same advice you have I'm sure (and I would have been able to handle it a lot easier) ... it IS just another stupid wayward antic... to ignore.

We're recovered now and I've forgiven him for one bad Christmas out of 30. But I know for a FACT, he'll never buy me another sweater. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Happy New Year!

Cali - keep the note and transfer the vms to some kind of permanent record - mp3 format. You may need it for custody to demonstrate fitness/unfitness - the note seems very mentally sick just by itself - and he volunteered the evidence...

PM,


Thanks for the chuckle

WS got me presents too...but when I said "I thought we weren't getting each other presents this year (something that we had agreed to B4 Dday)", he said I didn't the kids got you presents. Now in 14 yrs. of marriage, WS also smothered me with gifts, even when we didn't have the money to do it, but never once did he buy stuff and give it to me from the kids.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />. They weren't really personal or all that great.

I ONTOH, got him a sweater that I bought the day after Thanksgiving, because even though we had made that agreement, we had done it b4, and he never followed through on it and I did, so I didn;t want to look stupid. It was kind of funny, because later that same day we were out shopping and he was eyeing the same sweater I had bought earlier. Since I bought that b4 Dday, I decided to give it to him anyway, since it was bought with a different intention than what I was feeling on Xmas day. After Dday, I also bought him a sterling silver pen and had it monogrammed, and a sterling silver letter opener which I had engraved "I am proud of all you have accomplished love me", for his business. I was feeling sentimental and trying to fulfill one his EN's with those. He kind of looked at the opener and just shook his head (whether it was because he was feeling guilty or because he thought I was trying to make him feel guilty ....I don't know...but my intentions were to show him Admiration, especially with his business because he had worked so hard to get it going and he had been quite sucessful up until EA was started..) and he loved the pen.

Of course the presents are still here at the house....so what does that mean???? I am trying hard not to read into THAT one....n2f

Interesting thread.
Christmas of 2006 we had set a limit on how much we could spend on each other, as we were saving for our aniversary trip to be taken the first week of January. I stuck to the budget, but on Xmas day, I received gift after gift from her, which easuly exceed the budget we had set 2-3 times.
Looking back, of course, she was already involved with the OM and there ya go.
All it is, is they are trying to squash the feeling of guilt. Oh well..I got some nice shirts out of the deal! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This year, I sent her a card to be nice and it didn't even get acknowledged.

I decided to return the gifts, there was no need for a letter like that. I told him "if your going to give me something, please be nice about it, if your not going to be nice, then please don't give me anything at all." He didn't want them back, saying our DS had received money from his birthday and spent it in my gifts. If I was going to return them, then I was being mean to our DS. He better not be expecting anything in return because I don't plan on spending a single dime on him.