The courts have appointed a child psychologist to determine custody and if relocating will be okay for me. I want to move about 2 hours away. I have no family here and surrounded by my ex's family. I have a newborn baby girl and a four year old son. My son visits with the psychologist in two weeks and I also speak with him for about two hours. Has anyone been through this? What can I expect and what will he ask my four year old child?

Also, I have been very close with my in laws. I have no family and my ex's family has been my family. Well, I have a one month old daughter and have agreed with my stbx Husband for him to visit with the baby at his parents. I heard that his mother allowed the OW in her home during the holidays. She stated to me she wouldn't met her until after the divorce. I asked her what her intentions are with the OW now cause I heard that she came to the house. She said that "she is a child of God" and I can't tell her who she can have in her home. I agreed with her. However, I agreed to have my baby be seen at her house cause it was neutral. How do I know that this OW is not coming to the house to also see the baby while I leave. Obviously my mother in law is siding with her son and he is manipulating his mother to accept his actions. However, I said that she can have whomever in the home but I wanted her to respect my wishes to not allow this OW in her home while my baby girl is there. I haven't had a confirmation that would be the case but I feel she will respect that.

Now, my stbx gets my son tomorrow (new year's day) and he is suppose to get him at 8 am. He had his mother call me up and asked if my father in law could get my son at 9. I agreed for him to get him later but not to have my father in law get him. I am his mother and I said that I would just keep him until his father can pick him up. However, he needed to pick him up by 10 in the morning cause I have plans and leaving the house. Obviously, my ex is going to party and might be going out of town and asked his parents to watch Baine and get him. We are still in this divorce process but I want it that the parents have first option to retain the child if the other parent cannot. If the other parent cannot, then I have no problem going to the grandparents to see if they can watch the kids. The children's responsibility is my and my ex. I'm sure my ex is fuming and I haven't heard from him but isn't this reasonable and appropriate? If he can't get his son then he should be with his mother if I'm able to watch him. Anyone have experience with these issues or advice? Thanks.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to keep the children if he is not available. Your divorce papers can be written up as such. I'm sure the grandparents will get plenty of time to visit the children during the times that he has them. You are not slighting them in the least.

I'm not sure what kind of questions your 4yr old would be asked. Nothing too complicated I'm sure. My DD (7 at the time) was asked to draw a picture of her family. Would she draw herself in the middle of mom and dad or on one side or the other? Hmmmm. I think they tend to study the subtle signals that children tend to emit when subjected to certain questions or activities. Behavior might also be studied.

I'm not too crazy about these visits. Especially when it's court appointed. You can't know what to expect. Be prepared to secure a second opinion. Check your insurance. Some companies will cover it.

Suzanne, these psychs see all types so they break it down very quickly. I highly suggest you buy the two books I have *'d below. The first is a great book, the second is very strict on visitation, particularly for very young children. Get these books and peruse them before you meet with the psych again. Then see below. Now, we did use a psych and my X got less time than I was willing to give him. And the psych recommendations became part of our divorce decree, and he made some great recommendations which benefitted me in the long term.

Book recommendations (and most libraries have these).

This book is the Standard every parent should have. It also has great parenting plan ideas – even for long distance parenting. Everyone should have this book.
* Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child by Isolina Ricci

This book gives parents stock answers to some of the questions children ask. I loved this book.
Speaking of Divorce: How to Talk with Your Kids and Help Them Cope by Roberta Beyer, Kent Winchester
This book was helpful to me, but I found it early in the process.
The Fresh Start Divorce Recovery Workbook: A Step-by-Step Program for Those Who Are Divorced or Separated by Bob Burns
This book is for the recovering parent
Your Divorce Advisor : A Lawyer and a Psychologist GuideYou Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce
This book helps parents understand the effects of divorce based on the age of the child, and even helps interpret the children’s actions and artwork.
* Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way -- by M. Gary Neuman; Paperback

The Sandcastles book suggests that very young children shouldn't be apart from their mom for more than 2 hours. This could really help you.

If the kids can't be with one parent, they should be with the other. This is called the "Right of First Refusal" You'll find wording for this in Mom's House/Dad's House. Some parent's think that visitation means they can dump the kids on anyone they want. I truly believe in the ROFR, and it should most certainly be a part of the psych's suggestions. Ask him if he'll make it part.

My kids were young when they were interviewed by the psych, Ages 3 & 5 and all he wanted to see is whether they bonded with the parents.

Please, do yourself a favor and get these books now. They will benefit you.

Good luck.

Ah, nice to see another set of parents deciding that the courts and psych's and all are much more intelligent than the parents, and letting all these outside parties decide what happens to the children! Do you earn a living, or just sit at home and let the government take care of you, because they are so much smarter than you? Does someone in a position of gopvernmental authority tell yo what car to buy or what clothes to wear? Also nice to hear a parent extolling on about their "rights!"

Here's something you may not want to hear - stop with the courts, and mediate with your ex. Who knows what is best for your chilren but you two? I'm sure I will hear "But you don't understand, he's so terrible, he'll never agree!" Maybe he won't agree to the unfair schedule and conditions you want, but, he is the children's parent just like you and has the same exact rights you do. Maybe the money you will both spend on attorneys (and the ridiculous frustration) could go toward the children, or even be used to make each of you happier, which directly benefits the children. Just a thought....

* Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way -- by M. Gary Neuman; Paperback
* Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child by Isolina Ricci

Ditto these recommendations.

Set_You_Free,
This site teaches about avoiding Disrespectful Judgements and your post is an attack.
Many individuals here have tried mediation, and only after many attempts to settle amicably, do people typically resort to such lengths. Sadly, the breakdown of mediation really explains alot about the marriages. Mediation doesn't work with a "Power Over" scenario, and neither does a marriage in the long term.

Newly, it appears you sadly believe all women are justified in their attempts to take children from their fathers. My post was a suggestion, not a judgment. Just because it didn't come candy coated (and neitherwill this) doesn't change that fact. Facts are what should be dealt with, not clouded feelings due to bitterness.

As to a "power over" scenario, isn't that what you and Suzanne are promoting here? "I'm gong to tell you what to do, you just sit there and listen?" Are you of the "two wrongs maka e right" variety?

Like I say, it is rare when a truly happy woman tries to take a father out of their child's life. Try the happy route first, and see if your clouded judgment changes. I hear so many times the "he parades so many woman in front of our child" comment (and other similar comments) that it is obvious the true impetus for these actions.