I am so tired of hearing people talk about adultery like they know everything about it and know exactly what they would do in a situation like that. My husband cheated on me for five months, I stayed with him and we are doing fine. The problem is, I am constantly hearing about other couples who have been through this and split up. Then the people I work with (I'm a teacher) say things like "It takes two to wreck a marriage" or "Anyone who stays with a jerk like that is stupid!" I understand that if they knew, they would never say anything like that around me, but it really shows their true feelings. I guess I'm just sounding off. I just think people should think before they say things.

I know what you mean. I hate all the advice you get from people who have no idea what you are going through. If they were in our situations they would probably be doing the same thing we are doing, that is if they really love their S. You know that old saying don't judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes fit here. I probably was one of those people who said if my H ever did this I would throw him out. Well I didn't, I couldn't, and when he left I hurt. No one and I mean NO ONE knows what they will do until they have been in this situation. I agree I wish they would keep their comments to themselves. I guess that is why I avoid certain people.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I remember when I used to say, "If he ever cheats on me, I'm leaving and divorcing him!"<P>Now, that I have lived the first-hand unfortunate experience of infidelity and betrayal, I'm finding myself doing the opposite...trying to recover and work on my marriage with my betrayer H.<P>I try not to listen to people who do not have first-hand experience. You never know how you are going to react in this type of situation unless you experience it yourself.<BR>

I honestly never thought my H would be unfaithful...really in my heart of hearts, I didn't.<P>But, when the subject would come up (usually discussing other people's situations) I would tease I would even take his dog.<P>Fast forward to the night of discovery when I'm talking barely above a whisper, telling him that all marriages have problems and he can tell me anything and I'll fight to keep our fammily together.<P>Changed my tune when push came to shove. Ignore it.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

My husband knew how I felt about infidelity, I told him that I can tolerate anything in this marriage (and I have)except for infidelity, that I would walk out on him....but I didn't. I came close...but<BR>couldn't. The reasons are many...the children...finances...the reaction on the<BR>part of the very close extended family...the fact that I realized how much I love my husband and why should I be the one giving him up...People should not pass judgement on others or claim to know how to handle a situation like this because its impossible to predict what anyone will do when it really happens to them...some will stick with it...some will not...its a personal choice.

I have to add to this by saying I felt the same way. I have now just ended my second marriage, both due to W cheating. First marriage we were both too young and stupid, lasted only about 2 yrs. We fought constantly thanks to her mother. I tossed her out by backing her car to the door and dumping all her clothes in the trunk, took the house keys off her key ring and pushed her out the door, locked it and turned the lights off. Sat on the couch with a beer and my always faithful dog and watched TV. That was the best thing I did looking back. Now here I am 10 yrs later, 8 yrs into my second marriage to the woman of my dreams. The last 2.5 yrs she had been cheating while I knew it all, did her best to hide it but failed, now has become pregnant with OM's child and I thought I could deal with it for her. I thought wrong. I told her to leave last night (see "dear Jane" posts).<P>But I must say the one thing that bugs me (and my wife) the most has got to be the way affairs are portrayed in the media. It's like no big deal and fun to boot! Go ahead and cheat, everyone else does, it'll be fine, don't worry, nothing will happen, enjoy yourself, etc. It's sickening at how they can put this stuff out and not address the pain it causes to more than just the spouses. My son never did one damn thing to deserve losing his mom and family as he knows it. He is the sweetest kid you could know, always polite, always fun, was never a problem at all since birth. He has got to be one of the easiest kids to have been raised. We always get praise about him from others. That makes a parent proud kinda stuff. So why should he suffer any? These things are the things people need to realize before they go out just to get their jollies. You are not only gambling with your future, you are risking the future of your children and all others involved, directly and indirectly.<BR>How selfish can one be? <BR>Think people, think!