Can they be used in a case?

Hi My1stLove,

I am in Texas. We are using Slag in my case. I asked my Doberman to subpoena both her and her husband. He liked it, he did it, and it worked out great!

That was just for the temp hearing. Most likely this will be the case again for the next round.

Adding: Plus, OW-Slag was served at work, thereby cementing the exposure there, in a sense, and also putting pressure on the affair.

I got a full report from the process server after he served her and after he served OWH.

OP's are like cockroaches. The LAST place they want to be is in the spotlight of a witness chair.

Now your attorney will decide to what extent to utilize them but regardless...just deposing them is essential.

It puts a great deal of stress on any affair and it documents the truth about your life for eternity.

Waywards love to rewrite history. With a deposition you have first and foremost forever documented the adultery to such an extent it can NEVER be modified by time. Great reading material for your children when they become mature enough and your XWS tries manipulating the children with history rewrites.


In some states you can depose on videotape or audiotape and get a copy.

Also...you may consider deposing them separately and then showing your spouse what the OP said about them. Innocently initiating love busters (presuming you are still fighting for your marriage).

Another thought. I have been advising a guy off-site that is experiencing difficulty getting OM into a deposition. But he doesn't care. The judge delayed the divorce case from around Nov. 1 to April because discovery has not been completed. So if delay is your game...the more people you indicate you intend to depose the better. Why not depose OP's parents, boss, friends????? The more you hassle OP's the more likely they will break up with your spouse.

Mr. Wondering

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Thanks for the info. I'll have to speak w/an attorney in Arkansas (where he's at) so I can get more info...adultery and dating before or during the divorce case can be used against the unfaithful spouse. This is not to get back at my spouse, but to let him know he can't just do whatever he wants...women and children ARE NOT disposable.

So I CAN get him served even if he won't give me his address? He was renting to own the house we stayed in (in his name, but I'll helped pay during the time we were together)

I think he's still there but put the utility bills under someone else's name..maybe daughter's or OW. I will find that out tomorrow.

I also have a child support case opened for both of our children but I hope they'll be able to find him there...they received confirmation from the post office that he DOES receive mail there.

Mr. Wondering...yes that is one of the reasons why I wanted to know is b/c I want proof for my children to see that "this is why mommy divorced your dad, this is why" (if it comes down to it.)

I found out that the only grounds he can truthfully file on is that we have been separated for a continuous 18 mos w/out having sex. So that will be around Nov. 2008 if he decides to file.

So I should give my attorney and my child support case worker her name and mom's name? Incase they cannot find him? (spoke w/mom not too long ago)

They can always serve him at work, provided you have the info.

Having the spouse of the OP subpoenaed can be helpful, especially considering their side of the story, if they have one.

In my case, OWH had info that made it impossible for Slag to deny anything. And so it will be again when we have to go back to court.

It does help if you have had contact with the OWH and know whether or not they have good info.

I guess that made sense. Did it?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well, I was trying to explain it right! I think it's time for bed!

Interesting choice of words. Sounding more like an OP everyday.

1. "there must be a legitimate reason for the OP to be put on the witness stand".

That is correct...it's called relevance and in many states adultery is irrelevant so thus it's difficult to get the OP onto the witness stand and/or insisting on doing so will only irritate the judge. Doesn't mean you can't depose them. You can pratically depose ANYONE with any connection to the case whatsoever.

2. "The attorney has the legal and ethical obligation not to use any techique solely for harrassment or embarassment purposes."

This is where your words reveal you, BA. IMO, getting the OP on the witness stand should be relevant in ALL states. The fact it's not relevant in all states is appalling. However, it's not appalling because the betrayed spouse isn't allowed to harrass and embarass the OP, it's appalling because the court doesn't care and doesn't factor in adultery at all in some locales. The lawyer has an ethical and legal obligation to vigorously pursue his/her clients legal claims. No lawyer is going to call the OP strictly to harrass and embarras them...to do so would be a breach of his/her duty to vigorously pursue his/her clients case (by annoying the judge thus he/she may lose the case)....though I'm not surprised you see it that way. Any OP would. I'm certain it's the battle cry of many a subpoena'd affair partner (i.e. - "that beatch is just trying to harras and embarass me...do I REALLY have to appear...can I get a restraining order"

Not to mention...MOST divorce cases that actually go to trial involve children and custody issues as well. It is very relevant to demonstrate to the court what a piece of crap the wayward spouse intends to bring around the children despite how embarrassed and harassed the OP FEELS. The "best interests of the children" supercedes the feelings of the OP.

Why, BA, on an infidelity support forum would anyone really care about the way the OP feels???

Sounds very much like a TOW type post.

Sorry I'm rambling...got to get some sleep.

Mr. Wondering

You can likely serve and subpoena whomever you want. Especially if he is avoiding process. Sometimes you have to serve a persons relatives strictly for the purpose of making them come in to ask them, WHERE the person you are trying to serve is...thus, in order to avoid hassling family they make themselves available.

Hire a pitbull attorney and he/she can help you strategize better for your particular state and court rules. Since adultery is relevant in your state they likely will ALL be taking the witness stand on top of depositions.

Another fortunate consequence of adultery being relevant is you are much more likely to extract a favorable settlement from your WH. Fear of court, not just his fear but hers as well, will hopefully motivate him to offer more than he should.

Mr. Wondering

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Well, do you think it should be easier to get an OP on the witness stand in all 50 states? Just your opinion, of course.

Not only do I think it should be easier, but I think FEDERAL alienation of affection-type laws should be passed, and that no-fault divorce should be a thing of the past. Adultery should directly impact the division of the marital assets, alimony (if it must exist), and child custody.

Do you agree?

I'm not the one you asked, but I PASSIONATELY agree with this. In fact, before all this happened to me, I naively thought that this was so at least to some extent. Perhaps I watched too much old tv where someone hires a private detective to snoop out an affair? Justice is seriously lacking when one can commit this horrible act, get away with it and still retain all their entitlements. If a business contract were violated in a similar way the marriage contract is violated by adultery, there would be penalties of some sort.

****** edit ******

I have a question..I was looking at some info online about one of my husband's previous divorces and found out there was a

WAIVER OF CORROBORATION OF GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE

what does that mean?

Just guessing but I'd say that the stated grounds were not corroborated and that thei waived their right to have them corroborated - ie no contest on the stated grounds.

Exactly right.

Interesting...

Is a person required to show up for a deposition? Do they have to be served? On what grounds can they refuse?

My wheels are turning... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

The OW in my case is going to be on the stand - subpoenaed, I'm sure, since I doubt she will be willing.

My attorney is wanting to stay WAAAAAY away from the adultery issue as this is a no fault state.

However - OW and WH are living together.

OW has filed for divorce and turned in all her asset/liability/expense information in her case.

So has WH in our divorce.

Both WH and OW are claiming full expenses (both say they pay ALL the rent, etc) - when they are living together and splitting bills.

According to my lawyer, they will each have to claim the other persons assistance with bills as income - which will effect CS, etc.

OW will be called to the stand to point out these discrepencies. She will have to make a choice while on that stand. Does she lie for WH so that he is off the hook and hang herself? Or does she tell the truth and hang them both?

Even in no fault states, there are ways to make the OP squirm and have an effect on the A.

Fox

Oh my word....I agree 10000% to this!!!!

I am in a state with no alienation of affection law anymore and a no-fault!!! He was going after no-fault and hoping I wouldn't find out about his little A. Well, I did. He's not contested alimony and seems to be pretty generous considering. Not what I would hope if I could sue her tail too!!!

I'm so sick of people just being able to walk away. They never pay for the A. The OP doesn't pay. In time God will have revenge. That's what I hold onto!

Mr. Wondering:

I am trying to stay away from any type of "fighting," or even conflicts, and my response to you is just a debate and not a form of attack in any way.

I agree with pretty much everything you have stated above except two points:

1) "This is where your words reveal you, BA. IMO, getting the OP on the witness stand should be relevant in ALL states."

You seem like a bright guy and I think you would understand that just because something "should" be a certain way, doesn't necessary mean that it is that way under the law. You should also know that your opinion doesn't mean much to the court or the judge. Your mentioning that "the court doesn't care and doesn't factor in adultery at all in some locales" is contradicting to your overall conclusion about my bias view and not to mention that it supports my previously stated opinion that might create potential problem for the attorney to put the OP on the witness stand NOT merely because of the irrelevancy of the testimony or evidence (in states that don't recognize fault divorce) but also because that some courts might see the probative value of such evidence being substantially outweighed by embarrassment, waste of time, etc. as evident by my mentioning that there must be a legitimate reason for the OP to be put on the witness stand. I didn't say that the attorney cannot depose them, but may not "successfully do so every time in every state" meaning in a sense that it will create the same successful effect as in Charlotte's case.

2) "Why, BA, on an infidelity support forum would anyone really care about the way the OP feels???"

I don't think I mentioned ANYTHING about the OP's feelings. I did mention about the innocent party, the OP's spouse, but NOT the OP.

Is there any reason behind your trying to twist my words to cause more problematic reactions to everything I have to say?

BA