I do not know what to do or how to continue life after I found out about my husbands affair. I cry myself to sleep most nights. Our marriage has not been the best for the last year. Few months ago in an argument he admited having someone else. He has since left her and returned home after leaving a few weeks. He says he is not going back. I try talking about it calmly and our conversations on this subject do not get heated. I look calm on the outside, but am hurting so bad on the inside that sometimes i think ending my life would be the easiest way out. I cant do that to our children, they need their mother. But I feel I'm not a good mother... being depressed like this doesnt make me a good anything. I do not know what to do to get over this. Somebody please help me!!!

Charmeni,

Please, if you feel suicidal, call a suicide hotline!!!...now!!. Suicide is not an answer to anything! You hare having marital problem, which most of us on this board are having.

Take a few deep breaths and realize that not all is lost. Things will get better. How old are you, your H and your children? Are you a Christian? Do you have someone to talk to?

Have you considered antidepressants or talked to your doctor about your feelings?

Also, there are more vets on the GQII board and you will get more immediate/better help there.

Please take heart, someone cares...I do!

Charmeni,

Our situations are so similar, it is uncanny. I know how you are feeling...I know your pain. I cry almost everyday and have since DDay October 29th.
However, as moms, our kiddos need us more than anything. Even "bad", we are doing our best and our kids know it. I sometimes slip into feeling so horrible that I think they would be better off without me...but NO CHILD is better off without their MOM. Your childrens' lives are sooooo blessed because you are in them!!!
If you are feeling truly suicidal, call 1800Suicide. Get all your feelings out to someone who is there just for you and who will listen.
I have gone through the same feelings you are this past two months...some days I am still feeling so horrible I don't want to get out of bed. Nothing about any of this is easy...it is the HARDEST thing I've ever been through. How about we travel to recovery together?

Hugs to you,
RU

Charmeni,

If you're suicidal, call the hotline listed above, 911, or a resource in your local phone book.

If you're just completely devastated, know that these feelings are normal. I would suggest that you get to your doctor and discuss the situation, and look for anti-depressant medication to help you through this period. Realize that it can take a few weeks to kick in, so it's not an immediate fix.

I'd also suggest that you call the Harley's for an appointment for phone counseling: 888-639-1639. They can help you and your husband work through the recovery process---you'll find them very skilled, as well as empathetic. I worked with Steve when I discovered my wife's affair, and it was the best decision I made.

Things will get better---but please seek the help.

Charmeni, I am not quick to direct people to call the Harley's..but I think for you, it will be the best $185 that you ever spent. Your feelings are perfectly normal...BUT, they can show you the light at the end of what appears right now to be, a very long tunnel.

Many, many people have been through what you are now going through and worse...many are now in happy, recovered marriages...for those that are not, including me, I wouldn't trade my life for anything these days.

Give yourself a gift and call the Harley's...or find someone local that works the MB plan. Either way, having a plan will help you cope.

Let your doctor assess the need for AD's. Suicidal thoughts and AD's are often a dangerous mix. A psychiatrist and NOT a family doctor should monitor your use of AD's. I have a lot of experience with these drugs having sold Zoloft for Pfizer...and educating doctors about both the disease and medication risks. Your best bet is a psychiatrist any time suicidal thoughts have come into play.

Make sure you are eating right, drinking plenty of water and exercising too. They all help to elevate mood.

Road, K, and MEDC, thank you for coming over to help Charmeni; I hope she sees this and gets help.

no problem. Me too.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. There are lots of us here that got through those dark days. See a doc for some anti-D's. They really help.

In the meantime, keep reading and posting here, and we will help you.

Char,

I hope that you will come back and read the advice here. These folks are absolutely correct. We here who are BS all know the devastation that you are feeling right now. Most of us wondered in the beginning if our lives would ever be worth living again.

When I found out about my FWH's affair, I had no one to turn to and was struggling with the pain. Just over 4 years ago, within weeks of d-d, I tried to take my own life and nearly succeeded.

I ended up in ICU for an entire week during which my life hung in the balance. Funny, my terrible pain caused by my FWH's betrayal was replaced by fear, shame, and regret.

By attempting to take my own life, I had acted in a manner even more selfish than my FWH had by having an affair. I was only thinking of myself, not my children, not my mother, not my brother, or anyone else.

As my Pastor put it to me, suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem.

You have an advantage here, you have MB, which means that you are not alone. You are among so many who have been right where you are now, and we have survived.

You can too.

Who