After being on MB for awhile last night, tst shared with me that he thinks it is best for him not to visit here anymore. The place that was my lifeline and offered me hope, has brought discouragement and frustration to tst. How sad is that...

When I asked tst to come here on the day that we reconciled and he told me he had already been reading the articles for a couple weeks, I was thrilled. When he was posting here, I was excited that he might be able to have the same support and help that I received.

Instead, he and I both became a target by someone whose motives were clearly not pure. Someone who would post sweet words to me, then go over to tst's posts and slam him with very hurtful words. Eventually, tst and I decided not to post to our threads anymore for awhile. So, here's a new FWS who cannot get the support that he should be able to receive here. While not posting to our threads, we have watched this person be banned and reincarnate himself over and over again. We thought that maybe we could at least help a few people here, and so we started posting. But, the reincarnate comes behind tst and starts badgering him with insensitive comments or questions and posts to me directly as well, and attempting to threadjack.

We have repeatedly requested this person to leave us alone. Others have made the request on our behalf. Tell me, what kind of person would ignore those requests and post anyway?

When we saw that JustUss had locked the thread and removed the last reincarnate, we breathed a sigh of relief that we could finally return to our threads and seek out help again in a safe environment. Can you imagine how heartbroken we were when the thread was unlocked and this poster was permitted back on this board?

But there is more here to discourage my new FWH. He sees post after post where there is bickering and "outdoing", where those who could help instead become distracted with proving their point or disproving someone elses. Not only are there "those" vets who everyone expects to post antagonistically, but there are also those that dress their antagonism up in pretty words so that they can feel that they are the "sweeter" poster.

I really don't remember this kind of stuff on this board when I came here 9 months ago. Perhaps that is because I mostly stayed on my own thread out of desparation for help. I don't remember posters on my thread bickering with each other, but I admit, my memory of that time is fuzzy.

I have hoped for 8 months that one day tst would be willing to come here and walk through recovery with me. I am saddened that he was only able to receive help for a few weeks. I am sad that he feels discouraged when he comes here because of all the disagreements that sidetrack people and often highjack threads, or lead to a new thread being started just so the attacks can continue (and I see BOTH sides attacking, no matter how pretty you make it sound).

I post this because I KNOW that most of you here have the desire to help...and that you are eager to help a FWS. I post this so that you can see that you (along with the board moderators) have allowed a newly FWH to be run off.

I beg you all not to post on this thread, as I am sure it will eventually turn into an argument about how to handle a troll, or a rude (even dressed up) disagreement about how to post. I just want you all to know that MY FWH DOESN'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE and that makes me very sad.

I will be on here a lot less myself, as we are starting back to our homeschool.

Oh, and thanks a bunch Best Advisor #15, 16, or whatever we are up to now. Your concern for me was fake and your goal to discourage a new FWS was successful. Have you accomplished what you set out to do here, or are you planning to find a new couple to stalk?

Post deleted by Okieflyer

As I requested, please don't post.

Thank you, Okie.

I wasn't trying to be rude, I've just seen these postings start out fine and turn quickly to an ugly thing, and I posted this really just as an FYI for the many who know my story.

SMB,

Please email me. I need to talk to you..

You've got mail. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am so sorry, SMB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Will you kindly email me too at ohmelodylane@aol.com

What gives with all the private correspondence lately? Is there a secret club or something?

I'm sorry to hear that tst feels he needs to leave. The only thing I can say from experience is that the internet is a double edged sword. You have to be able to sift the good from the bad, and it is every persons right to determine if its worth doing.

I think its very unfortunate that certain trolls have targeted you and made your experience here less than what it could be. I hate to see trolls win.

bump

Thanks for the bump, SB.

Skinsgal,

Did you get my email? I sent it shortly after you posted.

I did and I responded back. Check and let me know if you didn't get it. OK

You know there is an ignore button feature on here, right?

SG,

I did not get the email. Please send it again. Thanks.

SMB:

This IS a very hard place to be as a FWS.

Doesn't mean that you still can't use it as a resource.

Doesn't mean that you can't go to an MB Weekend.

Doesn't mean that you can't order, read, and study the books. HNHN, SAA, FIL/SIL, etc.

And your FWH's response was NOT unique. There are many mirrors to look into here, even when the poster is offering solid, MB advice, without agenda and/or criticism.

I see mirrors every day here. Even now, 29 months later.

I, however didn't get here, the discussion board, really until six months or so into recovery.

Flamingo and I had been to the MB weekend, had read HNHN and practiced what we had learned.

So, I was much further along the MB track and the recovery track than tst.

Maybe, all he needs is time.

So, no, MB hasn't let tst down, the discussion board has. Two different things.

LG

I could NOT disagree with this statement more...This place has been a GODSEND for us...In fact, there are times when I think it's nearly impossible for all traces of fog to go away without being here...I am always STUNNED when I see a FWS make a statement like that LG...The MB discussion forum, particularly GQII, accepts no wayward bullcrap or fog...That is a GREAT thing!

Mrs. W

I also feel that this discussion board is hard on FWS. My opinion, obviously not a fact. Just how I feel.

I think you are both right. The board CAN be hard on FWS if they are acting in ways that many BS would consider disrespectful. Perhaps that is exposure to the OP spouse...because many a BS remembers what it was like to be kept in the dark...wishing that somebody had stepped up and informed them of the affair. It could also be that a FWS is getting a hard time because they have not owned their behaviors...or even have kept things from their spouse.

Other than those types of situations, I think FWS have an easier time on here than BS. Much easier. FWS may be more sensitive to what they perceive as criticism since they know deep down it was their actions that caused the devastation.

I can say that I have battled more with BS here than FWS. Mrs. W is one of the people I respect most on this entire board. Her status as a FWS doesn't impact that at all.

I agree with LG and Saturn.
It can be difficult place to be.

I'm not sure what you're stunned about Mrs. W. Surely you see how raw some discussions get?
I often have the experience of BS's interpreting my comments incorrectly. Especially if I try to describe my PAST thought processes....they can often jump to the conclusion that I STILL believe in those ways....

egg zak lee

I do think that sometimes though a FWS takes a beating from a bs because they are an easy target. Some misplaced anger.

The positive is as a FWS you can see the pain your BS is going through. The thought process. The things to avoid.

I think sometimes the message is lost in the phrasing.

Ah, but see it is my opinion that a truly FWS will not mind any "misplaced anger"-if that is what it is...They will understand where that comes from and have EMPATHY instead of DEFENSIVENESS...I am no longer the person that I was when I was a WS, so comments made about a WS don't bother me...You'll get no argument from me that at one time I was a HORRIBLE WS...I am not anymore though, so I don't take things personally...

Lexxxy, I think any toughness is usually well deserved...Personally I have never felt that I was given a rough time here when it wasn't deserved...Matter of perception I suppose...Part of it may be because Mr. W and I both post here...dunno...

Mrs. W

P.S. Thank you MEDC, I appreciate that very much! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />