Just got a call from my Dad. WW tried to call him saying she's worried about me. He told her he didn't want to talk to her and ended the call. He received a text message

"Your Son is not coping that is why I rang you.He is sending letters to my parentsupsetting them. He needs help to get on with his life as I'm getting on with mine. You are the only ones to help him now"

I haven't heard a word from her which is surprising. I told Dad not to feed her drama by responding. Can't help wonder what her parents said to her? Are they upset that I sent them the letter? Did she succeed in lying to them again? Do they believe her?

Thoughts?

Well all is quiet. Have not heard anything from WW or WW's parents. I thought they would give me a call but maybe WW has spun a good tale to them?

Thoughts?

/Just more WW drama. She is hoping her antics will flush you out and is just waiting to see if it works. Stay DARK!

Yepper...wow the lengths she's going to...!!

Thanks Mel and LaLa. Thats what I thought. Makes me wonder what she's going to do now that the drama is over? She thrives on it. Not sure what to do if she tries to pick our DS up from daycare later (she had been doing this prior to Plan B) but he's with me till sunday evening. I am dissappointed that I haven't heard from her parents though.....

How nice that she has this concern for you, yet she doesn't yet comprehend the unimagniable pain she has and is putting you through with her A. This is the typical way a WS can compartmentalize their feelings.

Just before my Plan B my WW said the same things, that she was worried about how I would be without her, yet she would openly read books like "Rebuilding when your relationship ends" or "He's just not into me", which I found while snooping. Focus on getting better and she will take notice of you. Only then will her pity turn to respect.

I can assure you the longer you maintain a dark Plan B, the more her concern for you will slowly change to frustration and anger. That is when you know your Plan is truly having an effect on her.

Hang in there and don't worry about her parnets not getting back to you. I had tremendous support from my IL's throughout but in most cases blood is thicker than water.

Worry about you and staying dark and maintain a schedule for the kids. She should not be interfering or picking up the kids without your approval when they are under your custody. That needs to be addressed.

You are doing well.

Please remember Plan B is first and foremost for you to retain some love for your W in the advent that the A does end and the WS does come out of the fog enough to attempt to reconcile. It removes you from the drama.

So remember Plan B is for YOU.

Anything else it does is just icing on the cake so don't plan on it really changing her mind about anything. The is most likely going to end, and when it does if you still have love for her you two may have a chance to reconcile. If you have run out of love, this marriage is over no matter what she says.

Repeat after me "plan B is for me, Plan B is for me, Plan B is for me..." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

JL

Thanks HTW, please continuue to drop in. I read your story and it really is similar to mine. My WW's A is not really active she texts OM but they do not spend much time together if any. They both say its finished and he went back to his W in september. Thank you JL your comments are most welcome.

I know I'm going to get a major bashing of 4x4's for what I'm going to say next. But I can garantee it won't happen again. Yes I responded to her messages last night.....

I had DS from wed to sun - the first time WW didn't see him for 4 days. I was being harrased all weekend. She will not contact an intermediary and keeps sending me texts. Firstly she asked if she could pick DS up from daycare fri. I said no. Then "its not fair he will really miss me". She then said she was calling over so I had to bail out of the house just in case. Same thing sat, she called from work, I answered as I don't have caller id but when it was her I told her she had all the info in the PBL and refer to that and hung up. Then she texts and says "are u going out for dinner? I could come over and have dinner and we could put DS to bed".

Then she tries calling - i ignore. She then texts and says "ok I give up". Then later "the way you are treating me is bullying, it shows me who you really are" and later "please tell me if DS is ok, I can't sleep." Sunday I brought DS to australia zoo, home of croc hunter Steve Irwin. I was again worried that she would come over. She texted me later asking if I could drop DS earlier so we could have a chat. I dropped DS at usual time and left without saying a word. She texts me later saying "thats fine I will tell my parents you don't want to talk".

That is the one that i responded to. I refered her back to the PBL to which she responded "what am I to do? Your being a d**khead". She then followed with more texts and saying that if I hadn't sent the letter to her parents things maybe could be different.....then this morning she sent "I think you should take the day off. We can take DS to the coast and have an honest talk with everything on the table with no Dr. Harley". I responded "if you want to talk about putting our family back together I'm all ears, otherwise please leave me alone."

Thats the last contact she will get from me. She hasn't responded. She also thinks Dr Harley drafted the PBL as she found a few sample ones in my sock drawer. Yes she roots through everything when I'm not there - thats why I have changed the locks. I understand the need to stay very dark now and I'm glad my parents are arriving tonight to give some support.

She really can't handle Plan B at all. She knows she still has the option to rebuild our M but she won't. She wants it all her own cake-eating way! Too bad for her. I'm feeling great lately and time is really running out for her

WOW! What a strong person you are! I am very happy for YOU (not your sitch, of course, but YOU!). She is thrashing about in the mud pit she dug for herself. And you are holding up beautifully. It seems like (and of course I have no personal experience) when a BS finally does go to Plan B, they rally get some peace and resolve and stop riding the roller-coaster, at least for a better part of their time. That's really what it's supposed to be about. I guess this Harley guy really knows what he's talking about (hehehe)!! I wish you the peace that you are starting to find. Keep working towards your own goals and completely tune her out. She is going to get more and more desperate b4 either she #1 decides to work on the M in a real way or #2 realizes that you are going to be fine without her and wakes up or #3 decides it's over. Whatever happens you will be prepared, I have no doubt.

Kudos to you, and I wish you well!!

Thanks Lala,

Yes she is very desperate to have things her own way. Plan B reallly is great. After a good Plan A you really know that you've done EVERYTHING possible and it helps knowing that. I think she hasn't dealt with anything over the last few months (too caught in OM) where as I have and am coming out the other side. She was comfortable all along thinking I'd always be there as her friend. Now she must deal with REALITY and waywards don't like that at all!

that reality bus is nasty for her isn't it!

Vladie, hang tight and don't let her get through! Everytime you let her get through you have to start all over again proving to her that you mean it. As far as her affair being over, I don't believe she is done at all. I think she is texting him and waiting in the hopes that he will contact her.

I also think you are doing great! HTW, gave you some great advice, so hang in there, friend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wow BigK no 4x4! Ya she is squirming now. Once you go to plan B you no longer fear upsetting them as you've accepted they are gone. Its a relief in a way. She has a clear path back out of all this if she wants it. But I'm sure that she will continue to see herself as a victim in all this trying to convince herself and all who will listen that I'm totally unreasonable and thats why we could never be together!

I think by the time she wakes up I will really have moved on and you know what? I'm starting to not care a less every day.......

Thanks Mel. My parents arrived last night and its good to have them here. I borrowed a friends car to collect them as I don't want to see WW other than exchanges. Friend told her they were coming and I think she was shocked. No contact from her since suggesting we go to the beach yesterday thank God.

Asked my parents if they do meet her not to feed her drama and entitlement. She has used them as part of her justification for A so they agreed that they will say "you know what you need to do if you want to put your marriage back together otherwise leave Vladie alone". Its good to have ther're support in trying to recover M still. I was afraid they would tell her what they really think about what she's become.

So I'm very happy with that.....

Oh and whats good to is that WW is fully expecting my parents to be saying to me "your better off without her and we never liked her..." which ther're not saying at all. She has no idea that I have ther're support.

Update:

WW's cousins husband told me yesterday that his W, and WW are spinning BS to WW's three aunts who are on holidays staying in the cousin's (enablers) house. WW's parents called them after they received my letter and now they are all upset. I am being made out to be raving mad person who can't accept that WW just doesn't want to be with me and will try and manipulate everyone and anyone into getting my WW to return. Apparantly WW and her cousin are really convincing the aunts that OM is not the issue at all.......

This is really frustrating.....should I give them the TRUTH or will that be seen as desperation??? Also is it normal for me to be feeling indifferent towards WW now? Don't know if I stayed in Plan A too long but I feel great and really don't care anymore. Is that a bad thing?

If they know about the OM already, then there's nothing you can do IMO to change their minds. And really, who gives a hoot what they think. Anyone who would condone an A just because the wayward spins it to their benefit is not a person you want in your life anyways, right? I tried to do this with my mom the day W2S said he wanted a D. Guess what? She was having NONE of it. She is a BS and told me exactly what she thought. Oh, and I spun it (I thought) quite well. So, that just tells you what a quality person's response would be (especially one who's been there).

And no, I don't think indifference is bad. You feeling great is what matters. If she comes to her senses soon, it will help you work things out without LBs. And if she waits too long..well, who's fault is that!

You are not some raving mad person, BTW. Amazing what outside (and even inside) people perceive. Wonder what they would say if they were in your shoes...

Thanks Lala,

Its just really annoying. On another note I spoke with another friend yesterday who says she thinks WW has not dealt with any of her emotions in regards to me or the M. She believed OM was serious when he told her no more contact and WW has been dealing with that but not with losing her family.

She thinks rock bottom is coming.......hopefully soon as give me another month or two and it could be really too late for me.....I'll have moved on.

Thanks everyone for your comments and to 14gr, tmts, dm and lino, You guys will be fine whatever happens.....it does get better - trust me

Goodluck

Yesterday I was with WW's cousin's husband and I got a text it was from the witch enabler (WW'cousin) My dad had left a message on her phone asking if she had someone's phone number. Here is the text:

"your dad left a message on my phone asking for mick's number. If you look in your address book you might find it. I don't have it. Please tell your dad that I don't want to get caught up in your pathetic little games with my cousin (WW) who has tried to do the right thing all along by being truthful. Honestly I don't get all the secrets going around and all the lies. You are welcome to play your games however I will not be part of it. Leave me alone to get on with my life the best way I can"

Now I haven't spoken to her in 4 months. I think it was composed wilth WW standing next to her. Can you believe the crap I have to deal with? Do I have to sit back and accept this? I don't think so. And as for WW I think rotting in ****** is probably the best place for her

You don't want to know this stuff.

In Plan B, you want to insulate yourself from any news about the WS, because chances are it will hurt you and your resolve (can't believe I'm typing this given what I've been posting on my thread--do as I say, not as I do). You heard this stuff and had an emotional response. Your Love Bank took a hit. Each time you get triggered like this, your love bank takes a hit.


When you're triggered like this and want to respond, think about what would be the point of responding and then, if there still is one, will it work. Then, usually, you take a few deep breaths, realize that there's no point in responding, and you come post your frustrations here, where we will all be here for you, having been in the same situations ourselves.

Yes, it's typical. I'm not terribly familiar with your situation, but she sounds like a garden-variety WW from what I've seen so far. Your plan B seems to be having an effect, so keep it up. Stay very dark. When you are tempted to reach out (and you will be), DON'T.

And don't worry about the indifference. Yes, we all have felt that at various points, and we all worried about it. Part of it is the peace of Plan B working on you as you withdraw from the drama of Plan A and your own Fog.

It may be that you will realize that you don't want your wife back. More likely that your willingness to reconcile--your hope--is being wrapped up and protected so that you can break it out later if and when you need it.