You've got to be kidding me! Even wayward speak from family members.

And the fog silently spreads...duhn, duhn, duhn...

Just ignore that crap and go into a very dark B. I'm telling you it really does help.

Thanks Sdguy and FTBM

Well I heard through the grapevine that there is another solicitors letter on the way from my WW. I suppose property settlement again. I don't really mind now as I think I just need to get things sorted legally too. Especially the custody arrangements.

WW is so deep in the fog its unbelievable. Don't know what excuse there is for her cousin though. WW is convinced she never had a relationship with OM and has been totally honest the whole time! I keep asking do I really want her back? Although I did have a dream last night that we did reconcile and it was amazing. Too bad I woke up. Haven't heard anything from her recently accept a text to leave the car keys in postbox today. She doesn't want to see my parents so I just left them in the usual spot.

With all the lies being told is the hardest part to deal with now. And the text from her cousin.....I still can't believe that one.

Thoughts?

Thoughts? Well, it's hard to tell what her cousin has been told, so, as I said last time, who cares what she thinks! I certainly don't think it's YOU that's pathetic, though.

Stay dark. She is shakin' your tree, man, don't let her get any coconuts! Think about getting your number(s) changed. You need a mediator...ASAP! Who cares if she agrees...if it's the only number she has (or email address, etc) what's she gonna do? Take back your life and don't let her in.

I would definitely get a lawyer to secure your finances. You don't have to file for a D as of yet, but it helps to get everything in order. Is your state a no fault state? See what you can do about custody. How many children do you have and what are their ages...sorry I can't remember (probably from all those years of smokin! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />).

Take care...you're gonna be fine!!

WS's are disgusting creatures. They will lie at any opportunity for bizarre reasons. It's all according to the script--it's typical behavior. That's why you want to protect yourself with Plan B. Don't expose yourself to the lies and hurt or even stories through the grapevine.

Every time someone tells you something about your WW, use it as a trigger for you and ask yourself "What have I done for myself today?"

When you find yourself asking "Do I even want her back?" substitute "My life is not full enough. What hobby can I take up?"

Easier said than done, but hey, it cant' hurt to try.

OMG, so true. Aliens...


Crochet?
SDGuy is right. Think of something you have always wanted to do, and do it.

Why haven't you gone to a bonafide plan B? Curious.

And SDGUy, please explain the gerbil tagline. Curious about that, too.

FTBM, I'm going to post the answer over on Ron43's thread, because he needs it right now.

Update:

Not much to report over the last few days. WW dropped DS sat morning and left no words (Plan B). I had asked that she pay half the cost of new tyres for the car + the $220 she owes me that I haven't really asked for all along. Asked when dropped DS back sat and she said she's not discussing it now. She was off to a BBQ with a friend of her cousin (who she had no time for all along). It makes me sick. As her cousin is away for a weeks holidays, she has organised her friends to look after "poor WW".

WW really has no idea what its like to be alone. She texted me sat night saying "What you said about me telling people you were crazy is not true. I would never say that. There is two many people with opinions. It doesn't have to be nasty. Lets just tryto behave nicely to each other and be civil for DS. I don't want to fight". I did not reply.

Then sun morn I got message that I could have DS for few hours if I wanted. Now I would love that but I want him in a routine and also she was stuck in her unit with nowhere to go and prob why she offered. I didn't respond. She tried to call twice earlier but I didn't answer so she texted saying she didn't want the car now. Obviously she soesn't want to cough up the money and maybe thinks I will get new tyres and let her use it again. Who knows.

I got a letter from mediation people fri saying WW had requested that I attend. Am thinking about it and calling to get more info. I think now that WW isn't going to come out of the fog until everything is sorted legally and she has no more drama and is just left alone with her thoughts and memories......either way I need to begin to move on and not be seen as the pathetic loser who can't accept that WW doesn't want to be married to me and as someone who will manipulate anyone into getting WW to come back to me

Well all is quiet. Haven't heart from WW except to say that I can keep the car. Obviously she doesn't want to pay her share of things and I suppose that makes me winner of the [censored] of the year award.

The mediation seems to be just in relation to DS as WW is not happy with our arrangement now that I have implemented Plan B and she can't see him when she wants to and I don't invite her to do things with us anymore.

Question: Should I communicate to people that I am moving on with my life or should I say that I still want her back? She will hear this back and not sure what message I should be sending. Or is it best just not to discuss with anyone anymore?

I may disappoint some people but I am planning on going to the mediation. I get to tell my side of things with a private meeting with mediator first before the mediation. Telling them that WW does not have DS's best interest at heart as she refused to do ANYTHING to recover the marriage. Also I think I need a LSA at this stage too.

Thoughts??? Is anything going to burn off this fog?

I think Plan B IS burning it off some. It's sure taking the shine off.

Plan B should look as much as possible like divorce will look to her.

It would be good if she thinks she is losing you and that you will not have any relationship if you divorce.

Well BigK she is starting to see that for sure. I think she's really missing the 'brother' she had turned me into. But will she miss the husband that I was?

Yes she will.

BigK I sure hope you're right! I've read the emails 14gtr's WW has been sending them and the advise he's been given. I feel we're married to the same person! its so uncanny. At least his WW is still living at home. As my WW had moved out I got pegged by all her enablers as a pathetic loser who could'nt accept that she didn't want me anymore.

I wonder even if she ever thinks about coming home would all this put her off? I don't think any of the enablers would be advising it

Hey MFIL!

One of the first things that struck me when I really started reading people's threads is how eerily similar the babble is. I couldn't believe it! I really thought "noone would understand me" and yada yada, but it seemed that every thread I went on had another one of my foggy speeches right there from someone else's WS. The worst part is watching the effect it has on you (the BSs). It is so depressing. I think about all that crap I said and I get so sad. I cannot believe I put my sweet DH through it.

I really do thing you are getting to her. She is freaking out! I don't really know what you should do about the mediator, though. Someone with more experience there can help you. Have you gotten a lawyer yet?

Oh LaLa - your situation was "so unique" though

Hahahahahhaaa......

After I get the custody issue sorted legally I will be doing the proper Plan B. I just don't want to be viewed as unreasonable ie sending someone to collect/drop DS and forcing her to communicate through someone else. Courts don't like that. But shortly BigK has agreed to do it.

MFL...

I never went to plan B or mediations so I don't feel qualified to advise.

But I do have some thoughts on this.....




I don't know your whole story but I am assuming if you are in plan B that you gave your spouse a plan B letter? So, if you did want to share your intentions with anyone I would just be honest. You are no longer happy with the state of your marriage and you cannot stay in it the way it is. You are moving on with your life. If you WS agrees to the plan B letter, than you may want to reconcile.

Or you can just say, "I don't wish to discuss it right now".

Thanks Mopey, thats exactly what I will say!

Glad I could help. Live in honesty I say.

Oh, I just found this- ya big fart-knocker! Now who's asking for an [censored] whoopin!