y husband I got started out on a rough patch. We met in 11/03 fell madly in love moved in 2/04 got engaged wedding date was set for 3/05. He has son from previous relationship (never married they date briefly not an issue) he was married after that time had two more kids but he was forced into giving them up long story not an issue). I unexpectedly got pregnant in 7/04 it was a big surprise for me as I was told I couldn't have kids besides I was on bc 2 forms in fact and yes I took them faithfully. We moved up our wedding date to 10/04 hubby wanted to wait but I did not at the time but he mutually agreed to this date. I had plans to quit my job in 1/05 and go back to school full time but obviously this put a halt to those plans. I felt hubby didn't act the way he should have and even though I wasn't happy about becoming pregnant I was becoming excited about it.

We had discussed having children in the beginning and his comment on it was he wasn't opposed to it. When he we had the discussion I was thinking about adoption down the road possibly. I felt upset that he wasn't showing much excitement or compassion through my pregnancy I even had to have an emergency surgery at 11 1/2 weeks. I think this where our problems began. During the time we dated and up to my getting we had sex all the time. We did have sex during my pregnancy but not as often but I didn't think too much about it thinking some men are funny about it. He told me through the pregnancy he would get more into it ( show excitement about the baby) when the baby came .

I ended up having ppd and our dd had a immature digestive issue we found out after 5 weeks. I had a baby who screamed pretty much 18 out 24 hrs needless to say it was a stressful time for me who originally tried to bf and was recovering from a c section.

We started to argue often and never seemed to be getting along. I finally started getting medication for ppd but it never went away went into a major depression then I he was acting stange and had been bringing his laptop home from work and one time he was playing online poker and I must have startled hi because he got funny and slammed it shut when I came over to him to see what he was doing. I immediately became suspicious but didn't say anything. I sent him on an errand to the grocery store. I logged in on his laptop and his yahoo im popped out plus he had all his passwords stored so I found sites ( adult sites) and emails from those that send new members or ones that match the profiles. Porn doesn't bother me in that much if thats all it is but sex sites are another story especially ones that ppl hook up for sex. He had some that were signed up for not too long after we had gotten married maybe 4 months or so. I was so pissed and hurt and naturally being I'm one who is confrontational went off on him. He naturally denied it ect . He was embarrassed I think. That prompted us going to counseling. He didn't really want to go but agreed to in the end. we have been going to counseling but it has not really helped. I want answers and an apology and to this day never have gotten it plus the counselor had us to these other things not even addressing it.

We have financial issues we now seem to fight just about everything. He had debt from his past that I was unaware of I had some but nothing real horrible. We both make decent money and should be ok but he won't agree to a budget or stick to one. We both have our own accounts and a joint one .I'm not willing to deposit my pay checks into our joint because I know he has stashed money into his own. He is secretive about certain things. I don't know if this stems from him knowing I was able to find all this stuff out and recently I found it again(internet) and dvd porn stuff. I destroyed the dvd's. I can't get him to talk about it. I know I have my blame in our marriage I think I have carried resentment of things I have given up after becoming pregnant to his lack of excitement during that time. I think he resents me for getting pregnant and through counseling he thinks I deceived him because I told him I couldn't have kids even those it's in my medical history. We have had problems with his son's mother causing problems and with his son flunking and getting into trouble on top off all this besides my depression.

Can this marriage be saved or repaired??? I want this to work or really try but where we were going for counseling (couples) wasn't working . I still go individually for my depression. They say we can only change ourselves and have to work on that first. I want my dd to grow up in a happy environment and this negative/ arguing is affecting her. It shows in her behavior. Where should I start?

Tia,
Kelley