I just wanted to say thank you first to MelodyLane! Your posts yesterday really did help. It made me think about where I was and how I can help my boys by helping myself first.

To that note, WH and I were up until 3:30 this morning talking. Really talking for the first time since all this. He actually begged me not to leave him and told me that when I told him yesterday that I felt he was not IN LOVE with me that I couldn't be more wrong.

He said that if I am not IN LOVE with him we shouldn't be together but he wants to try to get that back. We both agreed that we don't know if it's too late or not.

He asked about this site and the steps to follow. Today when he gets home we are going to go through all the questionaires together again and start over. He really seemed to be interested this time. I hope that continues.

I told him that I wanted him to know that even when I said that I loved him but was not IN LOVE with him it didn't mean I was leaving 100%. Also, that I will give this an honest try but that it doesn't mean that it will definitely mean us staying together.

I gave him a chance to open up about anything else I might not already know about. I told him that if I was going to give this a chance then this was the time to tell me anything else because if I find anything else out (it can be from 6 yrs ago or since) I will not hesitate for one moment to leave. He swears there is nothing else for me to find out - I just still have this gut feeling that there is. I am willing to push the feeling aside to make an honest effort on this.

We talked with the raw emotion that we haven't before. I broke down towards the end and it really brought us together that's when he broke down too. I've only seen him cry maybe 5 other times in 12 years. Each dday, both sons birth, and the day I told him I was pregnant with our first son.

I felt closer to him in that moment than I had in a really, really long time. And for the first time in years I felt the need to meet his EN for SF. Afterwards, for some reason it was the first time I was able to explain how I felt about SF and him understand. I had been feeling like that's what he needed me here for and that was it. he realized I needed the emotional connection first.

Sorry this ended up longer than I thought it would be. I am just hoping that we truly are on the road to recovery and that I am on the road to falling IN LOVE with him again. I do want that. I want our family together, I can't imagine tearing my sons world apart. If he is willing to try then I have to give it that much. If it doesn't work then I'm ok with that finally. I know that I am doing what's right for me and in turn what's right for our boys.

cw,

I'm very happy that you and H had such a wonderful breakthrough. Obviously, you know this is just the beginning and you've got a long way to go....but being both on board is a great step. Have you considered getting some help with counseling. H and I went to an MB weekend together....and you do all the questionaires and get to meet all the counselors. It was amazingly helpful. Thanks for sharing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you starfish. I am currently going to IC and WH is going to go with me next time. My C usually does MC so it works out for us to go together. I wish we could go to a MB weekend. I think it would be good for us. Unfortunately that is not something we could afford. We are just going to really try and do this on our own. MB steps, MC, and having this board is really starting to help. I have been reading for so long and thought that it wouldn't do any good to post but I am finding that not to be true. I have been given some really good advice here and just being able to vent has really helped. Hopefully it will work.