I have been married to my DH for 9 years been together for 10 1/2 years. I am 26 he is 31. I have struggled with the whole submission thing since day one! I am very outspoken woman, and sometimes that's a problem. Has anyone else struggled with this? I want to be able to be me, but be a help mate for my spouse as well. How do I find the happy median. Thanks in advance for any suggestiona and or scriptures.

Hey I am there with you. I always envied the quiet types of women b/c I feel it's easier for them to submit. I believe that there is enough Scripture to validate my belief that the husband is not to dominate or hold his authority over the wife's head like a dark cloud. He is to love the wife like Christ loved the church (that means die for her...).

What works for us is we discuss everything, every time. We each give our input. Where there IS a compromise we do it. Where there is not a compromise and it is more important to me than to him, he lets me have my way and vice versa. Where there is NO compromise and someone has to make a decision, I defer to him.

When I do this it is usually in the discussion we are having and I tell him I will defer to him b/c I feel it is the right thing to do, but I let him know if it is very bothersome to me or difficult for me. By doing this I let him know there is a possibility I might resent it though I will try to work on my attitude. But it also builds in a preparedness in us to make it a "trial period" or something; we both know it's a possible issue to keep an eye on and to keep discussing from time to time until it is working for both of us.

He makes it very clear that he does not want to lord over me any authority I give him. He keeps the discussions coming to avoid building up resentment and he makes himself a very safe person to talk to, so that if I say "I can hardly STAND the way you are handling this" (very rare btw) he would say "wow, I hear you on that...talk to me about how that has been for you" or "talk to me about ways you think this might could be changed to make it better for you" etc.

I am a big believer in talking about these things when we are NOT in the midst of conflict, then when the conflict resurfaces we have a plan.

Richest Blessings!

M

I doubt very much Christ wanted you to stop voicing your opinion, or stop being yourself.

Personally, I'm not really fond of Paul. I find him pompous and overbearing. I stick to the Gospels. However, I also keep in mind that these writings are by men writing years after the fact, and sometimes they had an agenda. Like tracing Joseph all the way back to the House of David so that a prophecy could come true. What was the point if Jesus was immaculately conceived?

So, I'd take a long look at what Christ really wants from you. Maybe look at the meaning of the original Greek, Latin nad Hebrew words used for "sumbit" and "obey." Consider the times--When the Bible was written, women were chattel. We were possessions in the eyes of the law. We are no longer considered possessions in the Western world.

The way I read the directive to submit to your husband is this: Do not emasculate your husband. Do not ask him to be sensitive like your girlfriend. Do not nag him or boss him around. Do not usurp his position of protector and provider (even if you have a black belt and earn more money).

In return, he will act like a man. He will actually protect and provide. He'll be an example of integrity. He'll be gentle with us because we are more tender, more anxious, more prone to worry and fear. (This was actually provn. Women worry more and are more afraid than men)

In practical terms, you need to discuss what "submitting" looks like with your husband. I'd also try reading The Surrendered Wife. You might like it. I did.

Your vote counts in the marriage. Just be respectful when casting it.

angieboop - in my humble opinion, antiem has given you a very good response.

There are a few underlying issues that relate to your question, but they are all founded in the believer's understanding that GOD, not us, is Sovereign. Therefore, if God says something, and we don't like it or want to put our own "spin" on it, we have to be very careful to not be disobedient to God's commands.

The "answer" to your question goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden, not to being "chattel" or "inferior" to male humans.

God created Eve as well as Adam. For Adam, God let him know that RELATIONSHIP was the fundamental reason WHY we were created, a relationship first with God, and later a relationship with our spouse. God "gave" Adam the time to realize that NO animal could meet his created need for a relationship. It was after that time that God created Eve, not from the "dust of the earth" or anything NOT a part of Adam, but from his side. Not "above" him or "beneath" him, but side by side, to complete the "whole."

But it was Eve who first succumbed to Satan's lies and chose disobedience.

It was Adam who chose his relationship with Eve over his relationship with God and chose disobedience.

"What seems 'right' to man" is not the same thing as "being right" and there is a reason for that too that is at the root of all sin, including a misapplication of "submission" in marriage.

That reason is PRIDE. Self-pride. Self-exhaltation.

God has assigned "roles" to husbands and wives. They are not assigned by man or woman, they are to be obeyed by BOTH husbands and wives because God, in His Sovereignty, chose to assign them.

Why should we obey those assigned roles?

Because it is one of Christ's 3 preeminent commands to all believes.

"If you love me, obey my commands."

We "do it" because we truly love God. We "do it" because Christ is both LORD and Savior, and we are HIS servants.

Pride is what "undoes" obedience, just as it did back in the Garden of Eden. "I know better than God." CHOICES. The ability to exercise our God-given "Free Will" to choose loving obedience to God or willful, self-pride oriented, disobedience.

And that is also why God has told believers to NOT be "unequally yoked." As long as both husband and wife are walking with Christ in humble obedience to Him, they will be conforming their individual lives to one of more and more "Christ-likeness," and as they do that and draw nearer to God, God automatically causes the "distance" between the husband and wife to lessen and lessen.

Husbands ARE the spiritual heads of their households, not by "self-decree" but by assignment from God, to be exercised "as Christ is the head of the church," to which we are ALL His "bride."

God bless.

I don't mean to contradict anyone. But here at MB we have a plan that is proven to restore love in marriages, and I don't see where submission is written into it. What I see is POJA, which includes that neither spouse does anything that they are not enthusiastic about. To me, this is honoring the marriage and the spouse, to choose a path specifically to not build resentment against them.

I agree with you guys that as we submit our will and out lives over to God, that the distance between us and our spouses lessens to where these POJAs are not only possible, but unavoidable, because we're each looking out for the other.

My husband and I have always joked about this. He is always telling people to never let me teach a lesson on wives being submissive. We both just laugh. But lately, I think he has really been having a problem with it. I could be wrong. I am thinking I need to ask him just to make sure.