Force the OM to pay CS.


Otherwise you are paying for your wife to fornicate and rub it in your face every day.

I think a DNA test would help him with proving otherwise if it came down to it.

I don't think any life-altering decisions should ever be made in the heat of the moment, personally. If she's living with her mother throughout the pregnancy, I don't see how holding off on a divorce is assuming either way that he will take this child in.

I think right now she may feel desperate because of her situation and, quite possibly her parents are now giving her some heat now that they know a child is on the way.

The only way to know if she is sincere or not is to wait until after the stress of the pregnancy is over and see if she goes to counseling or not.

I'm sure your wife is very scared right now in her situation and that may be what is fueling her desire to reconcile. Her motives may not be genuine at this point and may be more out of fear and necessity, since you appear to be the more stable choice for her. This would be a lot to recover from even in the strongest of marriages. Try to push through whatever rejection you may have felt when she left you and think about what you truly can live with in the future, unfortunately people do not usually change. I hope by now you have obtained some legal advice and remember the courts are not about taking away a good father's rights, you will ofcourse still have a relationship with your daughter.

The stress of the pregnancy is her choice. She doesn't get a 9 month + pass on dealing with the issues she, and she alone, caused. Give her some days, maybe even weeks, but no more. Otherwise, it just allows her to sit on the fence.

You really need to take stock of things and make an informed decision. Just waiting for 9 months to do so will only cover the very real issues.

They're already separated. He isn't seeing anyone that he needs a divorce to get remarried. I'm not sure how it works from a legal standpoint, but I doubt he'd have to pay child support for a child that is not biologically his. Maybe he'd have to get a legal separation to protect himself. Not sure about the legalities of it all, and he would need to talk to a lawyer about it.

It would be a shame if he divorced her, the child ended up not being in the picture afterwards, and she still wanted to work on the marriage afterwards with counseling, etc.

Isnt that the ultimate definition of cuckholdry. a deal breaker for most. Let the OM pay for costs of this A and you get a good atty to fight for your DD and remove your liability as a father to the OC. Here's the deal - in some states - you are automaticly considered the father and you are responsible for the support. You have to pro-actively challenge this now if you want to.

Her "sudden realization" of how much she loves you and can't hack her OM, smells of:

"Youre pregnant? Uhm,,,,, gotta go, bye!"

Om dumped her my friend. I would put a good amount of cash on that bet.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I don't think I want a divorce right now because my wife seems to want to come back and I don't want to close that door. However, I also don't want to be responsible for the OC or leave myself vulnerable to my wife possibly continuing her affair. My wife says she is considering giving the baby up for adoption but also giving the baby to the OM! Apparently when she told him about the pregnancy 1 month ago, he asked if he could take the child back to Brazil with him. My wife claims she is not talking with OM but his request is weighing heavy on her. I told my wife that we could not move forward in recovery unless there was NC with OM forever. As I see it, if my wife decides to raise the child herself or give it to OM, there will always be a chance that OM could show up at our doorstep one day. The only way I can think of to completely cut ties with OM would be to give the baby up for adoption to a couple that lives in another part of the country and deny access to the child to the OM and ourselves. I am doubting more every day my wife's ability to give the baby up for adoption.

In lue of all this, we are going to see a family mediator today to get a legal separation as a way of clearing me of any responsibility to the OC. I didn't want to do this but I have found that I can't trust my wife 1) to give the baby up for adoption and 2) that she is completly finished with OM. The OC puts me in a position where I have to get a legal separation because I could be held responsible for OC if my wife decides to keep it. ANy thoughts?

I think you're probably doing the right thing for now from a legal, liability standpoint.

I'm just wondering two things though, and please don't take this the wrong way because I know what she did was hurtful and careless, but...

1. What makes you sure you could not love this child, and
2. What makes you sure if OM did show up that your marriage could not be in a place by then where it could handle it?

You're speaking right now from a place of pain, hurt, betrayal, and insecurity. That doesn't mean you're always going to feel that way.

She was disloyal, and there's no sugar coating that.

However, in a scenario where she'd been married before or had a child in her teens out of wedlock - THAT man could show up down the line too...

I realize that there's an element where anger and jealousy is attached to this man, but legal measure might ensure that he stay away, plus there is the factor that he's from Brazil and going back. If you adopted the child, wouldn't he sign his legal rights and responsibility of the child over to you? Couldn't there be a stipulation that he leave you all alone?

In Massachusetts, a woman's husband is her child's father, regardless of genetics. If you plan to stay married, taking all these steps against providing for the OC may not be in your best interest, since you are inviting the OM to stay in your marriage forever. I would suggest posting under the pregnancy/child infidelity board so you can get a marriage-minded perspective rather than a divorce perspective from others who have been in your exact situation.