Thanks, I've been trying to absorb as much as I can from the website. I am fairly confident that this can be worked out, the only problem, as Melody points out, is that we just aren't physically together right now and I don't know how to work that problem out. Obviously, the longer we're apart, the further and further she'll probably drift away, so by the time we get to the end of her semester, it may be too late. I'm hoping I can get through on the phone soon to get Dr Harley's take on the whole thing. I mean, we've always had a great relationship - she just found this guy who "flips her switch" and that's all she can see right now. I think (emphasis on the think) that once she's confronted with the prospect of suddenly making it on her own that she'll realize just how much I do for her... I just hope it's not too far gone by then.

Hey, JCricket...

One thing to consider - it might not be a great idea to have her move to DC with you, because Maryland is so close. So much of Maryland is effectively a suburb of DC, and most of it is within an hour and a half drive. It would be much easier for her to physically meet this OM.

Probably better for you to somehow get to Chicago.

Ya, that is a concern, because I know that as soon as the job offer was coming they started talking about it. Though when she moved to Chicago we sold her car, so right now she doesn't have any way to get to him. Not that she wouldn't find a way if she really wanted to, but at least it's a significant hurdle.

What I'm thinking about doing is implementing a plan B now, since her semester is just starting so if she drops out it won't cost any money. Basically where if this is what she says she really wants then it will be up to her to get a job and pay for things herself, since otherwise I'll still be financially supporting her while she's having an affair and says she leaving me. I think that once she realizes how insanely hard it will be for her to make it on her own in Chicago she might change her mind about me and move to Virginia.

Or would that be too much of an ultimatum?

As a mini-update, I have an appointment with Steve Harley on Thursday, so I'm going to try to hold off on any action until I can get a chance to talk to him.

It's so difficult to just sit still! ;-)

But in the meantime, I would really appreciate more advice. I found a thread from Iwontquit on what to do when the WW has moved out, and feel like it is sort of similar to my situation, since we aren't living together. I just don't know what to do as far as financial support (if any), visiting, exposure, etc.

I definitely plan on the exposure to her family, it's the timing I'm concerned about, because right now we're discussing her getting a job and just how much of her own expenses she'll need to cover. Plus I'll be seeing her this weekend to drop off her cat as I make my way to DC. So I'm thinking I should wait on the exposure until after that?

Thanks in advance...

JC, I think you are wise to hold off and let Steve assess your situation. Let him tell you which way to go. I wouldn't do anything yet!

Here's an interesting little update, though I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it or not...

Yesterday I had told my WW that I had set up a counseling appt and she was welcome to come if she wanted. She was adamant she didn't want counseling because she didn't want to work on our marriage.

She also is stressing about how much of her own expenses she'll have to pay if I quit financially supporting her. I told her that I'm still making up my mind, because I didn't want to make a rash decision, but that she needed to be prepared to drop most or all of her classes in order to work enough. I said I had no problems continuing to support her as long as she was committed to our marriage, but as long as she wants to continue the affair then it's not reasonable for me to be paying for her TV, internet, phone, school, etc.

Well, this morning she chatted me and offered to come to the counseling appointment. Not because she wants the marriage to work, but because she want to be able to give the counselor her side so that he'll be able to help me move on. So, not perfect, but at least she's back-tracked a little and is at least going to call in with me tomorrow. Do you think I'm reading too much into this?

Sounds like she's tossing you a crumb so you'll continue to financially support her living expenses, school expenses, and getting naked for Master Bates. She wants you to 'move on' but continue to shell out the bucks.

I would take it for what it is, but wait for SH to point you in the right direction.

(edit) And by the way, when is your next visit out to Chicago? Remember my post on your JFO thread - I really think identifying and exposing OM is a key to this. You need to get ready with good keylogger software that you can install on her PC when she's in the shower or something. Practice with installing and configuring it so you get really fast.

This is the exact same thing 14thgpr just got today in an email from his WW.

Waywards need to get a new script writer.

I changed my screen name because with her doing the counseling with me, she might find this website and would recognize my previous screen name.

The script writers are on strike, so there's not going to be any new material for a while... ;-)

I just wish I could tell what she truly means and what is just the fog-speak.

Anyway, do you know a good remote keylogger for a Mac? She has a Macbook.

That's good by me. The only thing Hollywood writers do anyway glorifies or makes pathetically poor comedy of adultery. I won’t miss them if they never come back.

Bumped to see how you're doing.

What did Dr. H say?

Any luck with identifying Master Bates?