Edited for stealth. Wife may visit site <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

foglights:

Well, Plan B is usually after a good Plan A. I can see issues with that for you---sounds like your giver is worn out, and you're married to someone who has a less than stellar track record of good marital behavior.

So---why is this your wife's third marriage?
How has your marriage been, in general? You seem to be generous---do you think you're hitting your wife's EN's? Spending enough time with her? Not lovebusting?

Frankly---your wife's behavior is really bad---and you don't look to be in the kind of shape (she doesn't have a huge balance in your love bank) to do this yourself. Money is tight, but if you can afford counseling with the Harley's---do so. If you can't---get Surviving An Affair. Read up on Plan A. Try to figure how you would do a Plan A under the current situation---and then give it a 2 month shot.

If you see hope (which could happen after she leaves)---you might want to invest a little more time. If not---Plan B time.

It would also help if you could get an idea of who (if anyone specific) is involved with her---or if she's just doing a bunch of ONS's. If it's a specific OM---you may have opportunity to expose. The cats will miss her. Would her family be of any help?

Edited for stealth.

Edited for stealth

I'm asking myself this question:

"Why does this man want to save this marriage?"

Because the marriage you describe sounds like one you have a great desire to run from. Your own description sounds like you checked out emotionally a long time ago.

In order to recover the marriage, if that is what you do want to do, you have to first believe that the marriage with this particular woman could be completely different.

Do you believe that?

If no, then let it go and file for divorce. Protect your assets, because she has been through this rodeo before and knows the ropes.

If yes, then YOU have some work to do.

It will not be easy. You will have to do a lot of work on yourself, and quit looking at HER behavior as the cause of problems between you. The very first lesson here for you is that you control only one person in the relationship - YOU - and you can only work on that person. You can change yourself, and NOT HER.

The good news is that by changing yourself for the better, you can draw out the better parts of her, and make the marriage better for both of you. And you can, by your own behavior, change hers. Because you can make the relationship different, and she will WANT to change.

But the first things you need to figure out are, do you have enough energy in you to fight for the marriage, and do you believe that the marriage you desire is possible with HER?

SB

Edited for stealth

Edited for stealth

Edited for stealth

Hi ineedfoglights(which btw I love that name)

I just wanted you to know, I got the chance to read your thread. I am sorry that you are here. I really don't have advice for you because asyou know I am on the other side of the fence. I will say though, I think your doing a great plan A and keep up the good work! I hope this works out for you the way you want it. Remember what I said about the "FOG" in my post, it so hard to see through when your in it. Keep us updated!

Take care
Shannon

Thanks FixingMe! I hope everything is well for you too.

Wife may visit site, and just in case, I wanted to keep a little stealth about me so it may not cause further upset or arguments. I did a mediocre plan A for over two months, but a splendid plan A for the last 3 weeks- 1 1/2 weeks after she moved out. I have continued to "be there", helped with the move out, invited her for dinner three times, etc. Now, her HR dept. seems to be helping. I talked to one guy there, told him of this site for personal and professional reasons, and I hope he shows it to the wifey. I have only been trying to get her to do it for 4 months!!! Lol.

I think her fog is over, but the resentment, hatred, and anger is there as fallout for the exposure. I'd rather have it this way than the alternative.

Also, If you read Tyk's pre- D-day, I think it pretty well relates to what I was getting treatment wise during the fog, but I think I exposed fairly soon.

Wish me luck!