Why does he always want to check up on her? Is she a drug addict?

No...she just acted very inappropriately in the past...too much drinking(throwing up drunk on the back of a MC, etc), sex with men while he was on the premises (including the aforementioned "act" he walked in on).

That is cool he is for the move!!!

So maybe look at it selfishly. You have a rental property which I assume you will be selling soon. I'm sure it would look attractive to a potential buyer to have continuous tenents...maybe its a win/win. ??

No way she is getting in there Lexxxy. Besides, i can get more from another renter!

Just seems like he has some unresolved anxiety on the issue. I am glad he is seeing an IC. I give you Kudos for being there for him so much....he will remember it in the future.

he does have anxiety about her, no doubt. She has let him down so many times in the past...looked him in the eye and lied to him many, many times. I would be shocked if he didn't have some of those feelings.

Well keep it up dad.....I think your doing awesome. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

thank you.

Good! Very important for kids to have extended family, as well as for you. One reason I let my ex have joint custody was because he has a very large extended family and I desperately wanted that for her. (I now think a child is better off with one parent and visiting the other... I witnessed first hand how hard switching back and forth was on her)

But now he has moved away and I am moving away so she will be back to nucleor family. But at least she had the extended one thus far.

I want to add, just as support for you, that letting my DD move away with her dad to a whole new school has made so much difference for her. She is now getting straight A's (woohooo), even made student of the month, making really nice friends with good kids...and before the move she had gotten expelled, was getting very poor marks..generally headed down the wrong road.

I see her less, but you know, my heart soars now, where before I was worried chitless.

But now I get her for the WHOLE summer in an exciting new city! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We encouraged her to treat it as a grand adventure, we had her so pumped up for this grand adventure.

I wish the very same for your son. A grand adventure with dad! How exciting.

sidenote: Sorry, if I have told this story a hundred times already. But maybe it will help someone else who is worried and struggling with the same.

Me either, MEDC..something else in common...

She has an AFFAIRAGE...

All kids need parents who know how to say no about all kinds of things and for all kinds of reasons.

Try and look beyond your SIT to the basics. Don't let it color your view on the matter.

Maybe I'm old school, but giving my kids elaborate reasons for my decisions seems indulgent. "I have my reasons and someday when you're a little older you will be able to understand them." I actually think these kinds of answers make kids feel secure in that that their parent is an older, wiser person who is most capable of caring for them and has their best interest in mind. IMO giving children too much grown-up information when you have to say "no" can really backfire and make them anxious.

You know what Pieta, I agree with you.

My DD's dad and I just had this convo because she wanted to go to a boys house (mother was home of course) but her dad didn't want her to. So her dad was arguing with her, giving her all these reasons about how boys don't mean to be the way they are, but they only have one thing on their mind, blah, blah, blah.

So I told him all you have to tell her is that it is not appropriate for her age and absolutely out of the question. That would have ended it and saved them both a lot of grief.

Learning the hard way, we are! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

sorry to hear that. My mom had multiple affairs on my dad while I was growing up...I witnessed too much....and she was abusive to him when he was sick (so much so that we threatened to have her removed from his care). The last straw was when the horrible woman had my fathers dog euthanized for no good reason. I had promised my dad I would make sure he was taken care of and she went and did that (lied to me and told me the dog had cancer...I talked to the vet and found out it was a lie). terrible, horrible, no good, very bad woman.

thanks for your help everyone. my son and I had a talk over dinner and that subject has been put to rest (and he agrees that it really is a bad idea!).. thanks again.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Good news!

take care,
L.

Anytime we are all here for ya! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MEDC - glad to see this current sitch resolve the way it did. Have you worked with anyone to help your son deal with his sense of responsibility for his mother? When a child takes on the parental role with a parent, there are some very unhealthy relationship "skills" being developed - meaning the healthy skills don't get developed.

Cloud and Townsend wrote several books - I've read two - one helped me extricate myself from the OW's persistent pleas for reconciliation "Safe People"; the other helped me deal with her and all the other relationships "Boundaries"

There is a web site - some of it is on target with some of the issues your son is experiencing with his mom - particularly the "feelings" for his mother, clouding his judgment of what is right and wrong. Cloud and Townsend Sermons

Here's the part that jumped out at me:

I would absolutely not let her move there.

I have a 12 year old, too. Sometimes they don't get what they want, and they understand.

Especially when you tell him that your decision is in his best interests. He may not understand right now, because it seems better to him to have her nearby, but he'll be grateful later.