It's been awhile since I posted so I thought I would update everyone. I threw in the towel with my marriage. No matter how I tried, deep down inside, I didn't want to do it. I don't blame my STBX at this point, it's just that I wanted more than what our marriage would be at this point. I didn't want the baggage. I didn't want the heartache, I didn't want the triggers, I didn't want to battle myself anymore. I decided that I want to leave and start over. I know that isn't a popular decision, but after his A, I'm not the same person. And our marriage isn't the same marriage - could it have been better? I don't know, but I wasn't strong enough to stay. I've been gone now for 3 months - me and my STBX still talk at least a few times a week but I feel nothing for him anymore. I thought that I would always love him, but I'm finding that isn't the case, I'm doing life without him and I'm okay. I'm surprised to find myself enjoying ME. The holidays were hard, but I got through them. My STBX actually left town for about 10 days and I didn't care - wow, I didn't care! That to me was a huge step. I didn't care where he was, who he was with, what he was doing, it just didn't matter to me. So, IMHO, I'm finally healing but it took me to leave to do it. I hope you all understand and don't judge me as making a huge mistake, but I'm finding me. I'm finding that you know what? I'm not so bad. I'm healing and I'm now looking forward to what life has to offer me. For the first time in a very long time, I'm hopeful! I feel good.

Sorry it came to Plan D. Surviving an affair is not for everyone. I know it was not an easy choice for you.


Great attitude. You are not a failure. Take some time to heal. Don't rush into a new relationship. Good luck to you.

Dont feel bad....you arent alone. When I found out my EXw was having an affair.....for the 2nd time that I know of....I gave up as well. I just didnt feel the same anymore. I was just like you.....I moved out and I didnt speak to her for weeks.....didnt care what she was doing and with whom she was with. My love bank was empty. I was done. It happens.

Now that's funny.

I felt so ashamed, worthless and a failure for so long because I didn't have the will power to make my marriage work. I don't feel that way anymore. I feel like a burden has been lifted.