I was wondering why my WH left most of his belongings (including pictures of deceased mother, clothes, tools, dresser full of personal things) when he moved out? Am I supposed to get rid of it all for him??? Have him come pick it up when I'm not there one day? Or do I just leave it for now?

Some of the most common explainations are that

1) he doesn't have the time to do it yet and doesn't need them for now or the immediate future;
2) he doesn't have the space for them;
3) there is a chance that he might return.

Ani, I know you still have some hope that one day he might return. Is he seeing anyone? What are communications like between you two lately?

We have no communication right now. I am in Plan B. Yes I still have hope for him to return but a improved spouse not the old one.

Perhaps they are so in love with the other person that they are not in reality and dont think of taking thier personal items, etc.

Could you have a man with a truck come pick them up and bring them to him?

Good answers. Any FWS out there want to answer?

The general reasons probably vary somewhat between genders, IMO.

When WW do this, IMO it is because leaving stuff is a way of avoiding making an absolute, finalized choice. It can be a form of hedging their bets and keeping a toe in the relationship they are trying to leave behind. In general I think women are more sentimental about their possessions and are less inclined to totally abandon them.

When WH do it, I think the reasons are sometimes that if it isn't something they are going to need in the immediate future, then why bother. In general I think men are less sentimental about keepsakes and may (if they decide to remove their possessions from the marital home) be more inclined to load up tools and equipment.

Just my opinion.

I can relate to that because of my current situation.

Don't forget their brains are taken over by aliens, that their logic right now is completely out the window. My wife is being unusually amicable about moving out completely tomorrow to her new love shack- I think due to guilt and wanting to just run away. She is leaving all 9 of our cats behind, and a lot of things that I though she would fight for since everything we own is hers, right? Completely backwards for her- believe it. Only taking some furniture and splitting everything else. For her that is WAAAYYY out of character. Its going to be tough for me, and she adores all of our pets so much. Or at least did until two months ago.

Sounds kind of illogical, right? That is the kind of mentality you have to accept. One day they may wake up, and realize their mistakes. One day may never come. It is up to you to get it to him or chuck it. Maybe communicate with a third party about what he may want to do with it?

When Wayzilla moved out and filed for divorce last January, I think her plan was to come by often and pick up a thing or two at a time. When she came the first time she found everything of hers and the items I knew she wanted packed, stacked and ready in the garage. I had her loaded and gone in under 20 minutes. She had no idea what was coming and was totally stunned. She kept stammering, "This is just too overwhelming."

I had her come back a week later to go through a few things (linens, dishes, decorations) to decide for herself what she wanted. If she wanted it, I had no desire to keep it. We were done in about an hour. I asked for my keys and the garage door opener and she has never seen the house again.

Graplin....you might be right. Anyone else have any opinions?
Any FWS that did this and why?

I am very interested in the viewpoint of some FWS's here. My W-STBX moved his stuff out in the smallest of morsels at a time, even though he has a pickup truck and could easily have taken everything he took in one load. I remember him showing up for baseball in work clothes because he had yet to move his baseball clothes and he was already living with OW.

I don't know if sentiment or bet-hedging had anything to do with his behavior. He fought me tooth and nail over several objects that were wedding gifts to us (he even told me she was his "true" wife so therefore our guests from 14 years ago really meant HER to have this crystal vase etc.). He even threatened to cut off DS if I didn't give it to him. He developed a habit of coming when he knew I wouldn't be there and taking extra stuff that we had not agreed on. During the same time, my mom was having serious heart trouble and needed surgery twice. On one of the days when I took her, I had a friend stay at the house to keep an eye on him if he came, which he did. She said he packed one bag of clothes and prepared to leave. She stopped him at the door and told him not to leave until all his clothes were out of there. Of course, there were still some odds and ends he had to return for.

Keep in mind, during this time he was living with OW, buying new furniture with her and putting his name on a lease of an apartment with her. My guess is his reason for leaving stuff was so that he could continually return and raid the booty even more as he constantly thought up new things that he thought he was entitled to.

Thanks for the input guys. I think perhaps they just can't be bothered with "real world" stuff. All about the fantasy.

Tabby...I would also like to hear from any FWS's. They would probably know why they did it.

If the soulmates are shacking up I suppose there are some issues for the WH. The Ho is the interior decorator and probably does not want his stuff or his BW's furniture/decor. That's a love buster.

The Ho does not want his cardboard beer girl cutouts from his garage in her house. And he has to use coasters now and be satisfied with her Disney Princess Fairy porcelain collection all over the love pad.

In my case they are not shacking up..he has not introduced children to OW. It's been a year and a half. With him moving back home for about 4 months. I guess he's so used to me taking care of everything around the house that he thought I would pack and move him too!!!!!!!!!!

Love the fairy princess collection comment. I haven't laughed this hard in awhile. Thanks!! I have a smile on my face!!

Ani,

Folks have given you some excellent answers, and I wanted to add a few more:

*It's an excuse to go back....bust your Plan B....force you to deal with them and see them. They want you to see them happy. They want to see you pining away for them. It's a cruel way of keeping you entrenched in pain so that you lash out and they can justify their affair.

*Even in their whacked out alien minds....there is a little kernel of fear that they are making the wrong choice and might want to have an "in". Remember they are cake eaters at heart....they really want everything so they are loathe to really choose completely. Somehow....with their stuff still inside the house....they are still connected in some physical way.

*They are lazy....not just in relationships but in other ways. Affair chemicals create obsessions that block out normal motivation for things.

*They think if you will take care of their things, you're more likely to take them back.

*Most waywards have to downsize considerably to move out....and as someone mentioned....there's not much room or storage. They don't believe you will get rid of it, so it's free storage for them and another way to torture you just a little bit by keeping their memory so alive (see cake eating).

I think when you see behavior like this, it's a by product of handling everything on a moment to moment basis. Do whatever needs to be done in that moment to get to the next moment, regardless what happened in the past or what would happen later.

How many times do you see a WS lie about something that they know will be found out in a few days or even hours. Doesn't matter because it accomplished what they wanted at that moment, and they will deal with the next moment, when the time comes.

I view leaving possessions behind as similar. Take what you need at the time, deal with the rest later.

I tend to agree that they live in the moment. Maybe laziness, not sure.

It’s too bad we all had to be plunged down a garbage disposal to learn all this.

Teenagers and young adults do this too when they move out of the family home. Maybe it has something to do with emotional IQ.