It's Wednesday at 4:56CST...do you know where YOUR children are? I do, they're right here, silly!

Yes, I will document. Document, document, document.

I didn't get an email or text or call from IM!

Well, we've got to go grocery shopping. The kids haven't asked me anything & I haven't said anything. It's weird, really, but nice. No "dad can't this-or-that" for once, all the while Dad's not doing what he's supposed to be!

Sure Nesre, you can send me an email - can't wait to see if it's from Rocky or Chris. This is my life. LOL

To answer your question, he's had them now...2 out of 4 scheduled Wednesdays. Weekends got all screwed up but he's gotten (DS/8, because DD/11 won't go) each time we had it scheduled...but dropped off early twice. Eesh, remember the letter he wrote me, that specifically said, "you say I'm a good father but why won't you let me be one?" or something like that? What a case!

To the Market!!

Only email I got is from eHarmony. How'd they know?

"It's OK to look"

Actually, no, do not look. I'm guessing that you were only joking, but in case you were not...

Setting aside the issue that you are still married, this is your time to focus completely and totally on you, your kids and the recovery of all of you That is your goal, right?

Glad you keep documenting. Keep doing it, trust me. Don't stop doing it. Do you see that in a short time you have already shown that he has not kept "being the best dad he can be" a priority? This is going to be enormously helpful to you when visitation is set by the court as well as possibly to show him, down the road, his actions as a dad.

You need to make getting to a meeting a priority, before the weekend. If you can't get to a f2f meeting, go the link I gave you for the online meeting...not just the chat room.

I will email you later in the day...I want to send you the daily readers from alanon.

talk to you later

None of the above!!

You have mail.

Rocky

I bet you didn't know I drove all the way over just to get that photo!!!!!!!

No doubt a lot of other spouses could ID their spouse from it to!!!!!!

Have a good one

Rocky

Evening everybody. I could use some feedback as I prepare for my weekend. I'll make it a list so y'all can answer as you see fit.

1. What book should I be reading? I've got Perfect Daughters on loan right now & SAA is somewhere in this house...but in TMTS's thread I've seen mention of Love Must Be Tough & a few others. I'm usually NEVER compelled to read, but since I am, you'd better take advantage! Am open to suggestions.
2. Should I draft a new PBL for when I get the new IM?
3. What if H finds an OW - does my Plan B or my direction or my anything change? Since I'm dark I won't even necessarily notice, but it's been on my mind so I wanted to ask.
4. How do you handle the estranged spouse coming into the house to get things in Plan B? I won't let him come till I've switched IM & sold everything I can, and I'm not switching IM till I've got the tax info in my hands, but that should all come together in the coming week. So, how do I handle the requests to come for more stuff?

This weekend is mine w/the kids, so no drama about H will take place. I'm to move my horse & Sunday is the Super Bowl. DS is not doing well - I got a really bad note home yesterday & I almost could have predicted it, as it was Wednesday & I'm sure it was really hard for him to try to contain himself wondering if Dad will come tonight...knowing he probably won't. Again. DS is SO into football...during the play-offs he kept calling H & wanting to see if he saw that kick, etc. It broke my heart then & it breaks my heart now knowing that once again, H won't invite DS to watch the game w/him. Glad he's respecting the NO BEER AROUND MY KIDS boundary, sad he can't just give it up as this is very important to DS. Anyway, I'm going to throw him the best, probably cheesiest, superbowl party here. Just me, DS & DD. I'll have a spread & even let him drink SODA!!

SIL/H's sister/IM is picking up tax info from H tomorrow night so I can get started on our taxes. I don't like that once again, I'm handling it. I double-checked with SIL/my brother's wife/does our taxes, and she doesn't recommend I file separately at all - I'll lose all my deductions she says - but man it just feels so much like enabling to do it for him, and then fork over the 40% he's requesting.

SOT, didn't get an email from you. Yes I was mostly joking, quoting the commercials. I'll be honest though, I'm lonely & (soon Mel will hear the fog horn going off here) H was very attentive/affectionate/doting between Fridays/binges. I was "spoiled" (between Fridays/binges) and I miss it. I know it's time to focus on me but I don't know how long I'll wait before I say screw it, and start dating or looking for companionship. No I'm not there now, but I'm being honest.

That's all for now folks. Sorry for the drivel. Been thinking & journaling & want to keep on the right path.

Hi Julie, this has been my first time all day to really spend any time on personal emails, etc....I'm glad you are being honest about your feelings and they are perfectly normal BUT the very LAST THING you need in your foreseeable future is a relationship with anyone. For more reasons than I can type on here right now. Do not put yourself in a vulnerable position. Be very careful about that.

If you read, "Perfect Daughters" you will see just how vulnerable and needy you are. It comes from the ACOA territory. If there ever was a time in your life to act with your HEAD and not your FEELINGS, this is it. Do not go there. It will only make things much worse for you, your kids and any shot at recovery.

Do you have a meeting scheduled for this weeknd?

As for the books, "Perfect Daughters" is about the effects of daughters raised in an alcoholic home. GREAT book. Read that one. "Love must be Tough" is another great choice.

Personally, I would focus on those instead of the marriage recovery books right now. They are awesome books, but your battle right now is the alcohol issue. Until that is resolved the marital recoery books won't do you a bit of good. Those concepts do not work with an active alcoholic spouse. JMHO

Raising the bottom here. That's co-dependent humor. I won't be here much but would sure like some more insight/answers to my questions aside from the books. Thanks!

Julie

I really need your address so I can mail ya this dating package..............

When you get that package your gonna find a little bag in it.

Inside that little bag is gonna be 27 marbles.

I know ya live where its cold but you really will need to find open water for this to work properly.

Find open water

Take a handful of the marbles and throw them just as far as you can into the water.

Its OK if you don't make them all in one throw.

If you need to take and throw the other handful.

VERY VERY IMPORTANT---Make sure they are very scattered

Now SOT and I are going to be checking and you gotta be extemely honest...............








When you find all 27 marbles then feel free to begin dating again.


We will check and enforce this strictly.

If you find someone elses marble it doesn't count

Have a good week end.

Co-Dependant No More-Melody Beattie


ROCKY

HUH??

Take care of yourself and your children

There will be lots of time for other things way down the road

Gotta run


Rocky

Julie



That post about dating

Rocky

I'm not thinking about dating! I'm thinking about...

Next POST

Rocky

Julie

For some reason your quote all stayed together but my answers are inbetween.

Rocky

Julie

From your post last night



I know it's time to focus on me but I don't know how long I'll wait before I say screw it, and start dating or looking for companionship. No I'm not there now, but I'm being honest.


I know-a day late and 2 dollars short

Rocky

Julie, I emailed you yesterday.

I don't know anything about marbels, but I think my kids sometimes think that I have lost all of mine sometimes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

1. Books to read. I gave my thoughts yesterday about the books you mentioned.

2. New PBL? I wouldn't. His roadmap back home has not changed. he must get sober. The IM could just introduce herself as the new IM. After you tell SIL of course. If you change anyting in the new PBL, or if he even perceives a change, it could appear to discredit your resolve. He could begin to think you were softening.

3. If H finds OW? I understand your fears, for sure, but this plan B is really about the new conditions in your life. he must get sober. IF he finds an OW, it still won't change that. Let's not worry too much about it unless it happens.

4. Him getting into the house for his things? I don't know what to say since you haven't found out legally what you can do. I would GUESS that technically you guys are still married, it's still his house, and if he forced your hand, he could just come and get them. This is definately a place where you need qualified legal direction.

Try to get to a meeting this weekend. This is where you go to get healthy. They want the A to do 90/90 and it's a good idea for you too. I am very concerned about you not having a sponsor and not making the meetings a priority.

Still with you...

Thanks SOT. I think, for now, you are my sponsor. It's not very likely at all I'll get to a meeting this weekend, but I'll see if maybe there are evening ones I haven't found out about yet. I've got to move my horse in the morning then hang out till the afternoon to make sure he's OK, then Sunday I've got a Science Fair meeting w/DD & a Super Bowl party for my boy. (Thought you'd at least appreciate my "excuses" are legitimate)

Took the kids sledding tonight. They had GREAT FUN! That felt good. They're used to me saying, NO! And then 2400 reasons why I can't do fun stuff w/them. Good times.

OK, no worries about an OW. Like I said, I wouldn't necessarily know it anyway unless the kids leaked it, and already since I laid it on the line for them the other night they really haven't said anything to or even at all about H.

Yea, I think he's definitely legally allowed to come here, and my PBL even says to contact IM for personal belonging matters as well as kids, finances, etc. Anyway I think it's best I'm not here, and I'm not comfortable w/current IM being here w/him but AM comfortable w/new IM, so I just need to stall him a bit. And SELL THAT STUFF!

I've got no email from you though! Did you send it to: alittleextramoney@yahoo.com ? I swear there's nothing from you!

Strange about the email. I didn't get a message that I had the wrong address. I checked the sent file and it was there so I just forwarded it to you. The subject line is sot.

I understand about all the stuff you need to take care of, but it just needs to be moved up on the priority list. I know how hard that is, but it's like getting a perscription from the doc, not taking the medicine and expecting a improvement in the condition, KWIM?

I agree about you not being there when he comes to get his things and I see your point about the IM part perfectly. You will just have to stall until the taxes are done. There is no court order that says he gets a certain percentage. Since you are filing jointly the check will come in joint name...something to think about how you are going to handle.

I am SO GLAD that you took the kids and had FUN! when you read Perfect Daughters you will find that ACOA kids often have a great deal of difficulty with "fun". It's a good book. I read it about 15 years ago and I still remember so much from it. I still have it around here somewhere.

Let me know about the email....
sot