Julie, its not up to me to explain to you why you are doing this; you made the decision yourself. We already went over this ground - several times - and you decided on the FACTS OF YOUR CASE, to go into Plan B.

If you are happy with the way things are, then it would be silly to go into Plan B!

And I'll have to see him at our hearing, right?

I can't even see thru my tears just looking at these papers...there is NO WAY I can present anything but a weak, saddened, broken, shattered image in COURT!

Just sayin'

Julie, why are you more upset about filing the necessary papers to make him pay support than you are about him NOT SUPPORTING HIS FAMILY? You are a step away from losing your house because he is REFUSING to support his family. THAT is very, very upsetting! You are UPSET about holding him accountable! It is in his best interest and that of your family to make him pay support.

Calm down, Julie, you have this backwards. Filing these papers is a GOOD THING FOR ALL CONCERNED. It forces him to act like a man, and it benefits you and your kids to get this support. Do you not want your H to be held accountable? Do you not want him to be a MAN?

Yes, of course.

Keep kicking, Mel.

I'm so sick of being the bad guy.

oh, did you do something BAD? What exactly?

You're making me laugh now.

Thanks for hearing the fog horn.

Of course I didn't. But you KWIM - he's going to see it as such, he HAS to right?!?! And the stubbornness/one-up-ness in him will make him bad-mouth me to the kids more (hence the LSA in place of D) and REALLY "not want to work this out NOW!" or something similar.

I could be raising the bottom more though. On Wed, with his mail, I had IM give him a notice from the DMV that his plates are suspended (too many parking tickets. $220 to resolve) and a bill for DS's daycare ($153 - I ain't got it)

Julie, I lost my home during my FWH's "absence". It was the only home we'd ever owned and it hurt like heck. I tried to sell it before they foreclosed and I remember sitting at the kitchen table with the real estate agent and my FWH (I insisted he be there) and crying my eyes out. My FWH could have cared less that it had come down to this (by the way he regrets this very much now).

Have you called the mortgage company to let them know you're struggling? Sometimes they'll work with you, especially in today's economic climate.

Julie, you HAVE to file those papers and get some court-ordered support. You're holding on to a hope that is not going to happen RIGHT NOW when you need help the most. You OWE it to your children to get that support since they're daddy won't honor his obligations.

I know it hard, but whatever you file can be non-suited (case dismissed) down the road if necessary. Please do this for your children.

Do you know the best medicine is for your husband? It is for him to stand before the JUDGE and try to explain why he has abandoned his family and only paid $60 towards the household bills since January. It will be for him to stand before a judge and explain why he CLEANED out the family bank account to fund his apartment while the house of his wife and children GOES INTO FORECLOSURE!

Your H needs to be held accountable for those things in order to grow into a REAL MAN some day. Without consequences, your H is DOOMED. He is LOST. And will remain that way.

So, be assured that filing these papers is a GIFT to your H. The gift will be for him to stand before the judge and explain why he plundered the family finances and let his childrens home go into foreclosure.

Help your husband be a MAN, Julie. You deserve to be with a REAL man and so do your children.

He "really" doesn't want to work this out now, so whats the dif, you goof! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Might as well have a roof over your head while he "really" doesn't want to work things out!

You know, Julie, your H has long been on a self destruct mission. If you are PLEASING someone like that, then you are not helping, you are ENABLING. Just because you make him mad does not mean you are doing something wrong, it more likely means you have pushed the RIGHT button!

I-I, Captain.

You kick me a few times, change up the words, and I'm good.

Eeks, H's mom just stopped by.

I didn't let her in.

I kinda b*tched her out.

You are having a strong emotional reaction to this and I suspect it has something to do with the fact that you have been raised by a practicing alcoholic and have been conditioned to never upset him, right? Could you be doing the same dance here?

Are you concerned he will be ANGRY for holding him accountable when it is YOU who has cause to be VERY ANGRY?

You ****** her out today?

Now, I didn't kick, I just shook ya around a little! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JULIE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Yea, just now.

I guess I'll have to make her a part of my Step...whatever step it is when I make amends. I swore at her. I know it was wrong but the timing couldn't have been...WORSE?

Why did God send her today? Why now?

What was said? Does she know her son is not supporting his family and you are in dire straits?

Yea, it was something like,

Dumba*s: Can I come in?
Me: No, no thanks
Dumba*s: Well, I came by to talk to you, I care about you & want to talk...can I come in?
Me: No, you're no friend to me or our marriage
Dumba*s: Yes I am, I'm not on anybody's side, I hear his side & your side...
Me: <cut her off> Your ADULT SON is actively, currently, admittedly an ADDICT. Guess what? This house is in foreclosure and you SUPPORT HIM, right or wrong. Good for you. So go pat him on the f*cking back, good job, we're losing the house.
Dumba*s: OHhhh, I'm sorry
Me: Are you?
Dumba*s: Yes, can I just come in?
Me: No, I'm not interested. I really don't have much to say to you. I already know how you feel.
Dumba*s: Well yea, I was a little mad about the email...
Me: <cut her off again> I will make WHATEVER announcements I WANT to make about MY FAMILY, WHENEVER I want to, to WHOMEVER I choose.
Dumba*s just shakes her head, as if to agree.
Dumba*s: Well, I still love you and I care about you and the kids, and I hope I can see them someday.
Me: You are no friend to this family right now. Your son, if he were so good to us, would not have gotten himself an apartment the same day he was given the choice of drinking or us....IF he weren't an addict.

She's probably at SIL/H's sister/former IM's house right now, sobbing about how mean I was to her. If I had my way, she'd be ANGRY & at H's house, b*tching HIM out, but that's just not how they work. She's a victim too, I'm sure.

I really wish I hadn't done that. I wish I could have been a happy-go-lucky Al-Anon poster child. Guess not, today.

UGH, and how sweet it would have been if I'd smiled & said, "thanks for stopping by. Hey, since you're here, I've got something for H - would you mind delivering it?"

And sending her to serve him w/the papers.

I really hate hind-sight sometimes. It always knows so much better!!

No, she's not a victim, shes an ENABLER. She is enabling her own son to abandon his family. You can see why he never grew into a man given her neutrality while he acts like an infidel.

She is MAD about your email exposing him but not mad that he abandoned his family for booze. sigh....

I don't know, I sure can't find it in me to get mad at you for giving her the bums rush. I would have done the same. She is no friend to you or your kids. OR her son!

Thanks, Mel.

OH, I know she's no victim but she doesn't know that. For 11 yrs, she'll dish out immature crap & H will run to her, while I stand there & criticize. H & I have both been wrong, truly, but I've just never bought this woman's crap. Honestly, I really hope my marriage survives & maybe THEN I'll be able to respect her some day...or, H will see how detrimental to him she was...or, something. I've got bigger fish to fry for now.

I've got books coming out of my ears right now. It's crazy because I'm SO NOT a reader! But, it's been helpful. Anyway, I really wonder why she came...why today...why right then...at the height of my sadness/anguish. Surely there was no possibility she'd be a comfort to me! We've NEVER had a good relationship. She was better off staying away.

OH yea, I did say something about if my own son as an adult does what H is doing right now, which by the way there's a REALLY good chance will happen, I will NOT tell him I stand by him right or wrong...she said "I don't support him in this" or something, I don't know, I was going off at that point. She did deny it though. DUH