Hi I am new to this. I have been married for almost 3 years to who I thought was the best friend I could of ever found. I was a single mom with a great job, so when he proposed it wasn't that I was looking for someone to help me with finances or my daughter. We met and everything was great - had a world-wind romance and got married right before he was to be deployed for the 1st time. Before he deployed he adopted my daughter - so she is his now. As far as I knew things have been going great, I got suspicious before he deployed last year when a friend of mine told me she saw his profile on yahoo personals. I questioned him about it and he told me it was a joke - he had on there a photo of his very very ugly halloween outfit. So I took it as a joke, I mean I knew how ugly the picture was that he posted. He deleted the personal in front of me. After he was deployed, a friend again told me she saw a profile of him on yahoo. I questioned him about
it and he told me he didn't do it. A couple of days later he told me that one of his fellow soldiers did it because he had not logged out of yahoo - he did it as a joke telling him to make sure he logs off. Well I thought ok knowing the person who did it - it could happen.

He has given me his passwords to his emails. I have gone in and checked them. I found one from a yahoo group with the title "married but looking". To my surprise my husband is listed on there as a member of the group. He signed up in November. I have seen emails he has sent to at least 2 other women asking for naked photos.

I stay at home, which he likes, so I can juggle his schedule and our childs schedule. I take care of all the bills, finances and everything. I do not have any real friends here due to the women I do know have husbands who have admitted to cheating on them and he just blasts them for staying with their husbands. He is a good man to me and my daughter. He is caring, giving and is emotionally there for me. Anything I want to do he tells me to to it, he's behind me.

I just don't understand while 1) he is asking other women for photos and 2) why is he on a website that is for married but looking?????

I do everything for him. Anything he asks. I have my schedule to fit when I know he will be online or he will call me so we can have some time together. He is now asking for me to start looking for us a house. Anytime I tell him about one of my friends having issues with a person who cheats or having issues - he says that it's good he and I can trust each other. We have both been cheated on before (not by each other)!!!! He is always telling me how much he loves me and how much he appreciates all I do for him.

Any advise anyone can give me would be great -- i am so confused and dazed right now I don't know what to do.

Welcome to MarrriageBuilders, C&D...

Have you read on this website the Basic Concepts, coping with infidelity, the four rules of marriage?

You know understand that relying on your WH to tell you the truth isn't reasonable...because he's in a fog, really, of his own truth...and to cheat it takes lying to ourselves and to others.

Don't lie to yourself. You've laid it out really well in your post...you know your WH doesn't protect his marital boundaries...you chose to believe he would protect his own weaknesses given how hard hit he was by previously unfaithful partners...that's what I heard you say.

Doesn't work like that. If you'll read "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley, I think you'll find out more of what infidelity is, (emotional affairs EAs...physical affairs PAs) and here on MB, you can learn what fog is...a wayward mindset...for A's begin in our minds first...

I would also suggest you move your post (copy and paste) to Infidelity: General Questions II forum...it gets the most traffic...your marital issue is really about fidelity...and what isn't...and there are a lot of people over there with great advice for ya.

Reasonable to me to feel confused when your WH is saying one thing and doing another...and you know he's doing it. You can't make him say it...yet, you know this and keep asking him. So cut down on your own dazed/confused feeling here...because you keep taking the same action and expecting a different outcome.

Projection is what he's doing, IMO, with others who cheat...don't cheat yourself from other military wives who have been in your shoes...with wayward husbands...because it takes a lot of self-deception to act unfaithfully, he can easily see in others what he refuses to see in himself...and judge them harshly...stay away from them...and he can't do that with himself, can he?

That's my take...'cuz I lived it. You can recover your marriage...by learning, studying and focusing on your own choices...going for clarity, not fixing...

Thank you for being here for your marriage.

LA